(Closed) Is he string her along?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5425 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yeaa if she’s living with him and contributing she deserves a key.  I wouldnt tolerate it.  Personally I think living together ater 2 months is a bit soon but to each their own.

Post # 4
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The best advice is to stay out of it. It doesnt really matter what you think, it matters what she thinks and if you try to do anything she will probably not see it as help and it will damage your relationship.

You can support your friend and help her when/if she asks for help. 

Post # 6
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ashasmith:  Well that is a whole different scenario. 🙂

For me, this would not be OK. If she is trusted to watch his kid and to pay towards bills/debt, she should be trusted with a key.

Also, if they are living together and there is a mutual sharing of resources there should be an understanding/conversation about what the future holds.

If he is not ready to give her a key or have this conversation I would think she should find her own place to live and they can continue dating without the benefit of her free childcare while he figures out what he wants.

Post # 8
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry but this just doesn’t seem like a healthy scenario to me. What are his reasons for not giving her a key? I just can’t think of any logical reason for her not to have one. He sounds controlling and I would suggest taking a step back and re-thinking the living situation. IMO you should be equal partners and this is an unhealthy balance of power.

Post # 9
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

I am also curious about the specific reasons he has for not giving her a key.

That along with the description of what she does for him and his child sound like he’s treating her more like a live-in nanny than a girlfriend.

Post # 10
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

she should leave him. hes using her… shes paying his bills, taking care of the house, and HIS kids?? sounds like shes just a free maid…

Post # 11
Member
12621 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

They moved in together way too fast.  All of these kinds of details should have been worked out before they moved in together, and after 2months, they barely know each other.  Not giving her a key to the place they live is really shady.  She should tell him if she doesn’t get a key, she’s leaving.  And follow through on it.  He’s treating her like a maid and she’s letting him do it.

Post # 12
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

HE is not stringing her along.  It appears he is being quite clear about his expectations for the relationship.  SHE is either seeing something that is not there or has her own reaons for wanting to be part of a relationship that is so clearly not equal.  I’m confused as to why anyone would move in with someone 2 months after meeting them when there are 2 small children involved. 

Post # 13
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

@3xaCharm:  +1 I still don’t live with my SO after 2 years because we both have kids. Way to big of a step for me personally to take prior to really getting to know my SO and be sure our relationship is stable. 

Post # 14
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Why would anyone ever agree to live with someone without a key? She’s got deep issues if she’s letting him do that. 

Post # 16
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ashasmith:  Advice is to stay out of it, and just be a good friend to her.

As to your question, it’s less of him stringing her along and more of him controlling her. With no key to come and go as she pleases, he has total control of whether she goes out or not. 

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