(Closed) Is he trying to break my heart?!!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

So you have been talking to him about this dream wedding for 8 years and he hasn’t even budged? Give me more of a time line on your engagment and your relationship- your  name says 2013 for you wedding date- is that accurate or just for fun?

. You may go through lots of tears and fighting have this fantasy wedding but how is life gonna be when its over?

Post # 4
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First and foremost ***HUGS***

Secondly, what about a compromise? Surely he knows how important this is to you, and I know he’s understanding enough to go with small and elegant, but still an amazing celebration of your love. Why don’t you show him what a savvy budgetista you are, and do a breakdown of the cost of a small wedding? Find a wedding dress in unconvential places. There was a bride on here that bought a beautiful white dress from Nordstrom Rack for 30 dollars. Or get a used gown!…Look for venues that cost little or nothing, like your local park. DIY many projects!!! I’m sure you can come up with a way for you both to be happy. Good luck dollface!

Post # 5
Member
6826 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

First and foremost you need to take a step back.  If you are constantly talking about your “dream wedding” your FH maybe feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of paying for that and as you said to purchase a home. I would take a breather and take a week off from any wedding/home talk and try to remember why you love each other and go from there

Post # 6
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

While I think that it’s great you have a very clear idea of what you want in a “dream wedding”, how much thought have you given to your dream marriage? It seems like your FH is just thinking about what’s going to be the most secure future for you as a married couple, rather than blowing money he doesn’t have on a day that really shouldn’t define you to this extent.

Maybe sit down and talk out why each of your goals is important to you. See if you can meet in the middle and maybe have a smaller wedding and your first home- that way everybody’s happy.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Eva Peron: She’s probably really young. I’d say 23ish.

Post # 10
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Have you thought maybe about doing it at a vineyard? My fiancee’s cousin had her reception at a vineyard / winery out on Long Island, and it was lovely. She had about as many guests as you are aiming to have. If you don’t mind having ceremony & reception in the same place.

Post # 11
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Learn to stretch dollars, also. No need to go over-the-top on ALL areas. Just pick a few that are important to you and spend there, but scale back on things that aren’t as important to you. Roll up your sleeves and get involved in DIY projects. It’s time consuming, but you have until 2012 to budget your time on them.

Post # 12
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This isn’t meant to be snarky, but are you just looking to get married for the wedding, or do you actually want to be married?

Post # 13
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@StarIzInkd: Maybe you should look around some more that will have places to fit into your budget. How about a destination wedding? Maybe get married at a nearby beach, or have a smaller wedding. Talk to him about you could possibly afford, and I am sure all of the ladies on Weddingbee can help you create your dream wedding within your budget. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@KristenGotMarried:  this was my thought exactly…  so I am glad someone else said it. I doubt purposely this man who has spent all this time with you would purposely break your heart, he may just be thinking more of the marriage rather than the wedding…

:/  its not that we don’t sympathize or empathize with you, its that well, for me… let me explain…

I got married when I was 18, divorced by the time i was 19… (had a lavish wedding blah blah blah) 

then met the man of my dreams at 22… married when i was 23, and we are still married, 18 years later.  We had a small wedding, in a park, i bought a dress that costed all of I think like 30 bucks at the time (it was a prom dress), we were gonna have it catered by Subway and get a keg, but luckily and thankfully his mother got us a better caterer.  Our cake came from a grocery store and the whole thing was I think less than 1200 dollars…  and we are now planning our Tacky Fabulous Las Vegas Vow Renwal for our 20th anniversary that STILL wont cost over 2k. 

Now, what do you care more about?  The wedding or the marriage?  You could always do an intimate ceremony, immediate family and friends…  send out “yay we’re marrieds”…  then maybe when you get into a house, have the lavish reception you are looking for. 

There are lots of budgetista brides out there (me included)…  get creative.  Does anyone on either side of your family have a big house perhaps you could use?   Maybe you could wear your mothers/grandmothers wedding gown?

Is an Armani suit THAT important?  is that kind of wedding band REALLY important?  And is THAT kind of wedding SO Important that it would ruin your whole married life if you had 1 day that didn’t go “as planned” or “as fairytale” as you envisioned?

I agree with the PP.  Calm down, do some research and maybe you can have the best of both worlds;)  Good Luck! let us know what happens.

Believe me, I am sorry if i sound bitchy or rude, or snarky…  I certainly do not mean to be, but in this life, rarely does anything go as planned… 

Post # 16
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

In all honesty yes it is an option, he doesnt desrve to be hung from his ankles for mentioning it, obviously its not an option you are interested in but bawling in public is not an appropriate response. Also, as a home owner, owning a home is awesome – with this suggestion he had your best interests at heart. Calm down lady ๐Ÿ™‚

 

The topic ‘Is he trying to break my heart?!!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors