(Closed) Is he trying to break my heart?!!!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Sounds like Fiance has a good head on his shoulders. I think your ultimate dream wedding and his perception of your dream wedding may be two different things. and if all you talk about is the wedding thats kind of annoying… a house is a much bigger deal (IMO) than a wedding. but why in the world are you buying a home right now anyways? some places it is still much better to rent..

Post # 18
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

question:  I was looking at your other posts…

and again, i do not mean to sound rude, bitchy or “snarky” however…

does he still live with his mother?  I saw a post about a house?  and his mom coming into his room to give you silverware (or something like this)…

I’m just curious…  because this would make so much more sense to me on why he would want to get a house… etc…

 

I don’t mean to sound rude, sorry if it came out that way, but I’m just curious.

 

Post # 19
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I can definitely understand your hurt and pain @StarIzInkd. I am in love with someone and the money is stretched as well. We have also picked a 2013 date in order to give us some time to budget, save, and prepare for the future. I have learned with this relationship that has a man, if they truly love you they want to make you happy. Sometimes as Fiance we get caught up in the glam and bling of the wedding and we forget that this venture may be financially overwhelming for him. As a man that loves you, it already hurts him that he cannot give you the wedding of your dreams. Just take a step back, breathe, and take comfort in the fact that you have found the one man that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

One of the things that I did was pick my wedding colors and theme first, once you do that, you can pick up things during the next year or so cheaply so you can save a buck. Now something we do a lot is go to tastings and things that are free or low cost so that I can get ideals and he loves to taste foods, especially the sweets :o) and we have a good time about it.

Make your planning fun, budget and be smart, this is one day to the beginning of the rest of your life.

Post # 20
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@StarIzInkd: I agree with some of the PPs. Cut him some slack…maybe he feels pressured since you’re always talking about weddings. Did you ever consider that while you were PMSing maybe he was having a bad day too? Let me tell you – most men are just not into weddings and all the work and craziness of it. No matter how much we wish they would  be. Fitting into a suit is probably more tangible to him, but the rest probably makes him feel like a deer in the headlights…especially if it’s on the brink of becoming a reality.

Plus, and this is just me, that “fairy tale dream”….eventually you’ll probably want a house. As a bride who is 2 months from her wedding, I am looking forward much more to having a house and a home together than the wedding. I don’t know where you live in NYC and I know life in the Big Apple is way different than in other parts of the U.S., but it just sounds like you have different priorities.

The solution? Calm down, be rational, do your research, come up with a plan that you’re happy with, communicate with him, and listen to what he wants as well. You deserve to have the wedding you dreamed of, but that ‘fairy tale’ wedding can take many forms. And I’m sure you and him will have other big decisions in the future where you won’t always see eye-to-eye. The key is to be open with each other and work as a team. Good luck!

Post # 21
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

well, while i think you’re putting far too much emphasis on the day itself, now is not the time to be buying a house.  all the underhanded crap the banks are pulling with loans and people getting their butts handed to them with false forclosures and the like…it’s very risky business right now, especially with the government consistently siding with the banks.  heck, DH1 and i bought htis house 2 years ago, well after the bubble had burst in the rest of the country, and now i’m trying to sell it and everyone is telling me there’s no way i can hope to sell it for what i owe.

that said, you can start saving for a downpayment and still have a wedding too.  you both are being entirely too rigid.  him “refusing” to rent when that’s the most cost effective option at the moment is pretty dumb, and you clinging so tightly to this “vision” you’ve dreamed of from the age of five is rather childish.  you need to find a compromise…lower budget wedding and maybe a year of renting to save for a downpayment?

in the grand scheme of things, it IS one day, and it’s NOT the “most important day of your life” as all the vendors with wicked markup would have you believe.  it’s not smart to take out a loan to pay for ONE day.

ETA: this isn’t meant to be snarky or mean…this is just my take on it.  if it’s offensive, i’m sorry.

Post # 24
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I know you don’t want it to be said, but the fact that your future husband is more interested in providing a roof over your head that you own and so that you can start your family doesn’t sound like a man who is breaking your heart, but more like a man who wants to make sure you are both taken care of.

A wedding is one day. Your financial future and stability lasts much longer than that. 

)And you contradicted yourself. If you don’t need to have a big wedding, then you don’t need to take out a loan.)

Post # 25
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

and ALL I ever talk about is the dress, the ceremoney, the reception, who will be there what we will eat, what we will drink, our signature drink, etc. This is my LIFE’S dream!

to be honest i think this is sad

im seeing a lot of “i wants” and “i am” in your post – which makes me want to remind you that its also suppose to be about we and us and ours. a wedding day doesnt make a marriage

Post # 28
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

View original reply
@StarIzInkd: it’s not an NY thing. 

Post # 29
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@eloping: I doubt that was a real quote.

ummm, that IS a “real quote” from your original post and yes vent away, i do understand what its like when you are ready to being a new part of your life NOW but the “and I feel I deserve it!” (again, a direct quote) attitude seems more important to you than the ultimate goal of being married.  im sorry,  i cant seem to agree with your thinking

Post # 30
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Here are few thoughts from a married bee:

–first, how much money do you think you would need to have your “dream wedding”? So many bees on this board have been able to have great weddings on low budgets. There are tons of ideas on how to save money on everything here! Tell the gals on here what you want and I’m sure you’ll get tons of ideas on how to do it cheaper.

–I know this is your “life’s dream” but it’s only one day.  You have a whole lifetime ahead of you to look forward to.  Future dreams (houses, children, vacations, etc) take a lot of money. If you go into debt for your wedding, you are taking money away from funds you could spend on future dreams.

My husband and I had enough money to spend a lot more on our wedding. Instead, we decided to have a nice but not lavish wedding and put the other money toward more practical things (emergency funds–both of us have been in danger of being laid off over the past few years–home renovations, and our honeymoon fund!). My wedding was still perfect in my eyes. As long as you are married at the end of the day, it has been a great wedding!

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