(Closed) Is he trying to break my heart?!!!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@StarIzInkd: No one is saying that you don’t deserve to have a special day. No one is saying you’re wrong for being disappointed that you can’t have the exact day that you want. All I’m saying is remember that a wedding is only one day and dont’ get stuck on that. Your marriage is what’s most important. As you mentioned you have friends who are divorced. I bet a lot of those people lost site of their marriage for all types of reasons. Your marriage and your life together is what’s important. The wedding is fun but it’s not everything, it’s just the start. 

Weddings can be done for less. That was my only suggestion. You can have what you want while staying on a budget and compromising. This isn’t just your wedding it’s his too and you should both be happy.

Post # 34
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m saving my lil butt off a

now this i can respect, you are an active partner working to make your dreams happen

Post # 35
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@StarIzInkd: I’m a wedding planner in CT and I also cover NY and RI. I’m planning a wedding for 55 people in NYC for $8k. It can be done. You just have to get creative. That’s all in. Including dress, rings, venue, open bar, etc

Post # 36
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Replying to your original post…from the sounds of it, he said it to make you mad. I doubt he really meant it.

Post # 37
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Your SO sound like a very smart man. Renting means you’re not tied down, but at the end of the day you don’t get anything out of it. You’re paying off someone else’s mortgage. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but having somewhere to live together after you’re married should be your top priority. Everyone wants a perfect wedding, but you really have to prioritise. In the long run, having a house you two can live in and know is yours is far more important than a one day wedding.

Post # 38
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

ok I didnt read the other posts and I might come off harsh but why take out a loan for one day? that is just crazy in these economic times. If you want a loan for anything it should be for a big purchase like a house and this is if they will even give you a loan. My SO would want to kick my ass if I ever suggested something like this (we will not be having a big wedding if even one at all because we think its a waste of money that we could put into our house we are buying) The last thing you want is for one or both of you to lose your jobs (it could happen to any one at any time) and be stuck with this. Small weddings can be just as nice if not better and you will have more to show for it. Please dont start your marriage out in debt if you can help it. You dont need that stress as a newlywed

Post # 39
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sent from my Android

may i also add, taking out a loan for a wedding is not a good idea in the long run, you will have to pay it back sooner or later. I think there are plenty of ways to have a budget wedding and make it beautiful, prioritize what you want most and save for it…scrap the unnecessary crap! Or diy the hell out the wedding! I hope this is helpful and good luck! I get what it is like to not have too much money!

Ps…a house is a much better use of your money! Rentimg can be wasteful.

Post # 40
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Have you thought of going outside of New York to get married? It would probably be cheaper, and you could find places for smaller crowds. I mean shoot, you could get married at the court house, and then rent a hall for the reception.  THat would definitely save you some money right there.

Are you guys planning on staying in New York when buying a house?

Post # 41
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@mwitter80:

This! He sounds like a man with a great head on his shoulders. OP, this is the kind of man you want to marry. He cleary has the right idea when it comes to money. You can still have your dream wedding you just have to budget. It can be done. Many bees on here have made it work, and had spectacular weddings on tiny , tiny budgets.

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@StuporDuck:

As a bride to be that got engaged at 23(now 24,) I have to say that by 23 I think it comes down to more of a maturity thing than an age thing. I really think saying it’s an age thing isn’t entirely appropriate. Maybe I’m placing too much faith in my fellow mid-twenties :o/

Post # 42
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sent from my Android

@ lululove…i agree with the age thing…I am 25 and was a little taken aback being judged for age and not maturity level.

Post # 43
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I can understand being upset, but sometimes you have to compromise. Maybe at this point, you can’t have a dream wedding AND a good, secure start to your marriage. The appropriate, adult thing to do would be to discuss this with him, then take a good, hard look at your budget. Set a definite limit, something BOTH of you can agree on that will allow you to have a nice wedding and also a place to live after the day’s done. (Because seriously, you don’t want to blow all your money on eight hours and then not have a roof over your head.)

 

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@LuluLove: I agree, saying it’s an “age thing” is totally not appropriate. I got married at 21 and we made the decision to elope to save money so we could have a place to live, make ends meet, etc. It’s kind of rude to assume that brides under a certain age are totally frivolous and incapable of being sensible about things. 😉

Post # 44
Member
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

DO NOT take out a loan for a wedding! Just don’t. Going into debt for ONE DAY is NEVER worth it. Never. Ever.

Lol anyway, it is most certainly possible to have a very nice wedding with a low budget. Have you looked into budget at all? What is your tentative budget for the wedding?

Post # 45
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

First off I am also 24 and I agree with him, if you have to take out a loan for the wedding, it’s not an appropriate wedding for your budget. It’s nice that he’s thinking of the house and starting your life together on the right foot, especially since you guys have seen so many of your friends’ relationships fail. He just sees you getting a little ahead of yourself and he’s trying to reign you in, that’s what men are good for Wink He loves you, he’s not trying to break your heart, he’s trying to protect your marriage. That’s wonderful.

There’s no reason why it can’t be a big celebration, you do deserve it! He’s just got a more level head on than you when it comes to the details and the money spending because he hasn’t dreamt of it his whole life. Something you will appreciate later I’m sure.

I think the bigger issue here is that you’re about to go into a marriage with extremely different views on finances…

ETA: my budget is $5000, it CAN be done! 🙂

The topic ‘Is he trying to break my heart?!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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