- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
I just read in another thread that if a man is disprespectful to his mother, that is how he will eventually treat his wife. Is this always true?
My husband is mean to my mother in law. He is really good about driving up there and doing stuff for her (mowing her lawn, putting her tiled floor in, fixing her door, etc), but he is not nice to her. He frequently gets impatient with her and is snappish and rude.
Now, to be fair, my Mother-In-Law is annoying. I like her, but she is annoying. She is very nice, but sometimes it seems like it is just really hard for her to do simple things. She is not good with money and frequently borrows from her kids (she is not a drinker, gambler, or compulsive shopper, she just isn’t good with managing money), trying to make plans with her is next to impossible (she usually wants to change the plans. If she invited us to a BBQ at her house at 1- she lives 2 hours away- it is not unusual for her to call at 10 and tell us the BBQ has been moved to 3). She’ll say she is coming to visit and then change her mind last minute (generally blaming no money for the trip down). Also, she goes off on religious and political tangents and her views are pretty polarizing (for example, all gays are going to hell). She also constantly says things that aren’t true. Like the time she told us my SIL (her daughter) got LASIK. She didn’t. Or the time I mentioned my SIL and I went to the same college and she was like, no, SIL never went there. I don’t think she’s lying- I think she just makes things up in her head and believes them to be true.
All this being said, the way my husband talks to her is pretty cringeworthy. At one point it got so bad my Father-In-Law (who had a very bitter divorce from my Mother-In-Law and the two don’t even like to be in the same room together) pulled my husband aside and said, show some respect to your mother. Ironically, my Mother-In-Law told me that my Father-In-Law treated his mother terribly too, but given my MIL’s shaky relationship with the truth I can’t say for certain that is true. I have seen no sign of that- Father-In-Law is very nice to his mother who is suffering from dementia and lives in a home. Husband has admitted both his dad and paternal grandfather were pretty old school (ie verbally abusive) to their wives.
Husband has a short temper and can be pretty snappy with everyone close to him (he generally treats my parents with respect, but we don’t see them much), but he apologizes when I get upset with him for being a dick to me and generally promises to work on it. He never makes any amends for being rude to his mother and as far as I know she just takes it and has never demanded an apology.
So, what does this mean for me? Will he eventually stop caring and treat me the same way? If we have a son (we currently have a daughter) will he encourage him to treat me with the same lack of respect?
Husband does not think he has a problem and has flat out refused both counseling and my suggestion he go on anti depressents (but that is another post).
If anyone has been in this situation, any advice would be appreciated.