(Closed) is "informal envelope addressing" a thing?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

bananastand:  I wish I could remember, but I am sure we were very informal and put something like:

John and Jame Smith

John and Jane Doe (and family)

I had never read that ladies name goes first thing, but for engagement announcements, the brides name usually goes first if talking about the talking (like on your inviation). Once married, it’s usually the husbands name first. i could be wrong, though!

Post # 3
1497 posts
Bumble bee

We were all over the place. If I had addressed my invitations as Mr and Mrs John Smith, my family would have raised an eyebrow. We did what made the most sense to us. People rip open the envelope and it ends up in the garbage, so we didn’t stress about it. We did some of the following:

John, Jane & Jenny (last names were all different)

John & Jane Smith (last name was the same, no children)

John, Jane & Family (last names different, more than one child)

Smith Family (same last name for everyone)


It all depended on if the last name was the same for everyone or not. I didn’t want to address it to Smith Family if Jane kept her maiden name.

Totally not proper ettiquette, but it worked for us.

Post # 4
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

bananastand:  We used “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe.” We are not fans (probably myself more than DH) of “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.” If that’s informal, for us it was ok.

Post # 5
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

for the order of names, I put the person I’m close to first, for my uni friends I put them before the husband, for my cousin I wrote his name first followed by his wife. Probably not the most politically correct but nobody complained!

Post # 6
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I think informal for STD is fine.  Save the dates are really kind of a new wedding thing–so none of your Southern etiquette ladies will be likely to care about how they’re addressed.  I actually think lady or man’s name depends.  If the man is the one we’re actually inviting and his SO by default, his name should be first and hers second. 

PS.  I know we all get caught up in these details for our own weddings, but have any of us ever paid that much attention when we’ve received Save-The-Date Cards or Invites?  Envelopes get trashed pretty quick and not particularly analyzed by the recipients unless they’re trying to see if their kids are invited, too.

Post # 7
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

bananastand:  From Emily Post

Traditionally, a woman’s name preceded a man’s on an envelope address, and his first and surname were not separated (Jane and John Kelly). Nowadays, the order of the names—whether his name or hers comes first—does not matter and either way is acceptable. The exception is when one member of the couple ‘outranks’ the other—the one with the higher rank is always listed first.


Married, informal address

Jane and John Kelly
John and Jane Kelly

Post # 8
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I kept mine real simple. Figured I didn’t need a headache addressing things. LOL Bigger fish to fry for that in weddings.

Couples: “John Doe and Sue Smith”

Famililes “The Doe Family”

Married no children:” John and Sue Doe”‘

Together with children: “John Doe, Sue Smith and family”

Think that covers all of them.

Post # 9
766 posts
Busy bee

bananastand:  We just addressed our invites to Jane and John Smith.  Our wedding wasn’t particularly informal, but I did this because I really personally dislike when the woman’s first name is left out (Mr. and Mrs. John Smith).  I considered variations on using titles and both first names, but they all felt a little clunky to me (Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith?  Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith?) so I just avoided it altogether.

I had no reports of pearl-clutching, but most people aren’t going to say anything to the bride and groom regardless.  One thing that I found pretty interesting was that many of our married friends (typically in their early 30s, married less than 5 years) put Mr. and Mrs. John Smith on the reply card, while none of the older adults did that – they just wrote Jane and John Smith.  My own grandparents sent the card back with a simple “G&G” (grandma and grandpa)!

Post # 10
6627 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I addressed my envelopes exactly the way I address everything else in life.  Bill and Sue Lastname, Sister Lastname, etc.  I wasn’t having a stuffy (read fancy) wedding and didn’t feel the need to have stuffy envelopes.  Who reads them anyway, except to figure out which family member rips them open?  I know some people get pretty uppity about them being addressed ‘wrongly’, but not anyone I associate with.  I suppose if our wedding was a big white wedding, we’d have been a little more formal on the addresses, just to underline the fanciness of the day.  I still doubt anyone would notice.

Post # 11
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

I didn’t care how my STD’s or invitations were addressed honestly. I addressed them exactly as I would in real life. If I was closer to one person than the other, I put their name first. Some I even addressed as Aunt and Uncle – I’ve never called them Mr. and Mrs. in their lives – why start now?

Aunt Jane and Uncle John Smith

Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith 

Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith <– we had a lot of these, with cousins and significant others

Whatever! I’m totally of the mindset that no one looks that closely at any envelope. As long as it’s clear whose invited, that’s really what matters in my opinion.

Post # 12
600 posts
Busy bee

Our’s were super informal, just first and last names. The ladies  clutching their pearls made me LOL

Post # 13
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

bananastand:  I live in the south (very traditional/old school area). When Mother-In-Law gave me her list of addys she had them in the “Mr. And Mrs. John Doe” style. So I addressed her list like that. For my side I did “John and Jane doe” style because my family doesn’t care at all and I felt more comfortable doing that.

Post # 14
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I addressed our save the date postcards informally, and then I went more formal on the invitations later on. Still, no one is going to see how you address all of the envelopes so you don’t have to do them all the same way if you don’t want to. I mostly followed the Emily Post formal style with titles, (I also had inner envelopes, so those had the first names on them) but there were a few people where the formal titles didn’t really fit, so, I used a more informal address. 

Post # 15
1553 posts
Bumble bee

We addressed our invitations informally. Even with family members who are doctors (several on both sides), we just used their names…we don’t address them as “Dr. So-and-so” when we see them in person, so it felt weird to do it on an envelope. And as they are family, I can assure you they were fine with it.

That being said I *think* the one we sent to a nun, we addressed as “Sister InsertNameHere.” But she only recently entered the sisterhood, so we thought it would be a nice thing to do.

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