Post # 1
ok, so i am going to be an attendant in a good friend’s wedding to his partner of a year and a half. i have been with my partner for five years, and we got married in SF before prop8. we never had a celebration though, and we had only one witness, and no photography, no special celebration afterward (except we went out to lunch). anyway, i am planning my ceremony for friends and family for labor day weekend of next year, and when my friend asked if i would be in his wedding, i said yes, but i let him know that i was peeing (marking my territory) on labor day weekend. no prob, he says, we are thinking of the end of next year. ok, great. so, i get a text from him the other day asking for my address. i give it to him, and ask why. oh, just collecting addresses for when we send out our wedding invites…we are thinking of having it late summer/early fall next year. ahem. (cue crickets chirping). like, end of summer/early fall like my ceremony? like around labor day? the thing is, i want to support him, but i am not too thrilled about having to worry about his ceremony at the same time as my own, and vice versa. additionally, i know this may seem silly, but i really think that there are few times in a person’s life that can truly be about them, and a wedding time is one of those times. we never got that with our wedding, and while i am not looking for a ticker tape parade or anything, i do just want to have some time to enjoy the process of my own ceremony without worrying about someone else’s right before or after my own. further, i can’t really be as good an attendant as i should be if i have to worry about my own stuff…part of the reason i committed to being an attendant was the fact that the timing was going to work out. i want his ceremony to be great, and i totally want to support him, but i feel a little weird about this. is this silly? am i just being an immature brat?
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, since you mentioned wanting to save that weekend for your own ceremony/ celebration before he chose it.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to spread yourself too thin, or by wanting your own opportunity to celebrate. I hope you guys can find a solution that works!
Post # 4
When exactly is he having it? If it’s the same weekend or even a few weeks away, I understand being upset but if it is over a month seperate, I don’t see what the big fuss is about. You probably won’t have a lot of overlap in guests so it’s not like people will have problems traveling to both weddings.
Post # 5
As long as it’s not the same weekend I don’t see a problem with it!
You get your day and they get theirs!
I am the Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding 4 weeks before mine and she is the Maid/Matron of Honor in mine and she lives across the country! But it has been so much fun panning together!
And we have a wedding to attend a week after ours and so we happily postponed our honeymoon!
I am just as excited for those weddings as i am for mine because they are great friends that should have their special day just as I will have mine!
I think you will regret not being in your friends wedding because it is close to yours 5 years from now
Post # 6
Maybe you should ask first when their date is before freaking out. Don’t wait till you get an invite.
If it happens to be close the definitely bring up the fact that you “called it” – since you made a point to mention it to them before. By why stress about something that might not even be an issue.
Post # 7
If it’s not the same weekend or the week before or after I say it’s not a big deal. I agree with Camrie, find out when it is before you start freaking out. Life’s too short to be too upset and miss his ceremony and maybe lose a friend. But lets face it, if it’s the same weekend, that’s just rude.
Post # 8
i would never consider not being part of his wedding, unless he actually scheduled for the same weekend, which i would hope they wouldn’t do. i am sure things will be fine, just wanted to vent for a minute. 🙂 and you all are right, i tend to be a worrywart, and i don’t even know exactly when his date is yet, so i will save my concerns for if there is actually an overlap.
Post # 9
If they’re collecting addresses to send invites, are you sure they aren’t thinking THIS fall, instead of NEXT fall? A year+ in advance is fairly early to collect addresses!
If it’s for sure 2011 though, maybe you could indirectly remind him of your own upcoming ceremony; something like “Woah, we are gonna rock the wedding world next fall – your wedding and mine so close together!”
Post # 10
I agree with some of the other posters… if it’s the same weekend, I’d be seriously irked, and I wouldn’t wait to bring it up. But if it’s not the same weekend, I don’t see a problem. Couples get a weekend for their wedding, not a month or a season. I have three weddings to go to around my own this year… one six weeks out, one five, and one the weekend after. It didn’t bother me in the slightest!
BUT, if it’s the same weekend, that’s inconsiderate and, frankly, disrespectful, and I’d say something. Good luck!
Post # 11
ok, just an update. i think things will be fine. i know some folks were saying it was fine to be attending a wedding shortly before/after theirs, and that is true, but i was concerned because i am actually IN his wedding….which if it was, for instance, the week after mine, would be a bit much to handle, since my mom and siblings will be coming in from out of town, and i will have started my final semester of grad school at that point. and, as daydreamwanderer had asked, yes for sure we are talking about 2011. i guess he is just being proactive (more than me, that’s for sure)! anyway, i just took the approach of giving congrats and mentioning that we were rockin and rollin on the planning front too. it’ll be fine…and i am excited because i am a great budgeter, and great at finding deals, and he has great taste, and i would be really happy if we could save each other money in the process or help each other with projects.
Post # 12
I’m standing up in a wedding a couple of weeks before my own, and I am looking at it as a great chance to focus on someone else’s wedding rather than my own. It’s only one day that I have to set my wedding aside.
How cool if you can help each other out as you plan at the same time!