(Closed) Is it a bad thing to potentially marry your first boyfriend?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My big sister went through this dilemma. She and her Darling Husband met in high school, dated, decided they should see other people and promptly realized that was a horrible idea. They are now celebrating 10 years of marriage and 20 years as a couple! Sometimes you just get lucky the first time!

Post # 47
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Jeneexoxo:  when i was a teenager i had flings and when i was in middle school i had boyfriends but none that were serious. I dated a guy off and on (unhealthy relationship) in high school. but we never even really reffered ourselves as BF/GF. so at 19 i met my current Darling Husband and he became my first serious boyfriend. Im 28 now and we just couldnt be happier. we waited till i was 26 to get married because at 19 i just felt so young. we had always known we would marry each other though so waiting wasnt that bad until the last year or so (when i knew i was ready). so i think marrying your first is totally fine. as long as youve had some experiances. if it was your first boyfriend at 16 and you dated for two years, i would think that with that kind of first boyfriend, you should wait until you are old enough and have had more experiances with adult men. i feel i have (ive slept with 2 men before DH) and i dont feel like im missing out at all. i couldnt imagine life without him. most the time the grass is greener because its fertilized with bullshit ๐Ÿ˜‰ But you just dont know. my DHs parents were high school sweethearts, have five boys and are still going strong. my best friend married her high school sweetheart, 9 years later and two kids they divorced. it can only be up to you if you want to take the leap of faith. 

Post # 48
Member
2967 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

my husband was my first real relationship. i had a few “almost boyfriends,” but those obviously didn’t lead anywhere. i’ve known my husband since we were in jr high/high school, but we didn’t get together until our mid-twenties and we were pretty serious from the beginning. there were no awkward “where do we stand? where is this relationship heading?” conversations.

my mom always used to tell us when we were growing up: ‘don’t have just one boyfriend (or girlfriend), have a lot of boyfriends. have fun meeting new people, have fun being single, enjoy being young without having a significant other to “answer to.”‘ and i think that’s really good advice. when i think of my friends who have been with their significant others since they were teens, on the one hand i think it’s really sweet, but on the other i think it’s really unfortunate they will never know what it’s like to be single as ayoung adult.

sometimes i think i should have put myself out there more, but i don’t think it would have changed anything. some people just get it right on the first try.

Post # 49
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Jeneexoxo:  I don’t think its a bad thing. I feel like when you know, you know. You can feel it in your gut. 

I was DHs first everything, we met when we were 18/19 and got married 8 years later. We had a breakup for about 5 or 6 months and when we got back together, our relationship took a turn for the better, way better. 

Darling Husband was not my first and I am glad because I was in a really abusive relationship, so when I met him and saw the way he treated me, I was really able to appreciate him and really be grateful for him. 

 

Post # 50
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Jeneexoxo:  I am engaged to my first ever boyfriend! We were high school sweethearts and have been together for 10 years now. I don’t have any reservations about marrying my one and only partner….. anymore. In grad school I went through a phase where I was very unsure of whether or not I could confidently be with him for the rest of my life, when I had no other real relationships to compare him to. It was very tough for me, and we broke up many times over my indecisiveness. While I still never got into a relationship with anyone else, it was important for me to take time for myself and figure that out. I needed that time to toy with the idea of dating and to be sure of myself. In the end my fiance was the one all along.

I say this to say, while you might be comfortable with your decision now, you are very young and your feelings might change as you grow. And it also could be that they don’t change. You could be rightfully confident that he is the one. But my advice to you is to take it slow and give yourself time to grow as a person and then make decisions about marriage. Marriage will always be around. Enjoy your relationship in the stage that you’re in and don’t worry about the future just yet.

Post # 51
Member
294 posts
Helper bee

I’m marrying my first serious boyfriend. We met in 8th grade amd he asked me out for the first time when we were 14! Our first date was 16, and we took a break for a few months when we both went away to college, but ended up back together before 1st semester was over. We are 25 and 26 now and happier than ever.There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want rehardless of age or experience. And your smart to take it slow. People change a lot in their 20s as they try amd get settled and find their place in life. If after that you are still set on him then congrats! And don’t let family get you down.

Post # 52
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

Jeneexoxo:  While I am not marrying my first boyfriend, I am marrying my second! My first relationship was awful but even if that relationship was just “okay,” I don’t believe that you have to go through a dozen awful partners to recognize when you have a great thing going.

Like some other bees have said, I would just take it slow and if it’s meant to be, a long length of time of time passed from first date to your wedding day won’t matter one bit!

Post # 53
Member
28 posts
Newbee

Jeneexoxo:  I feel your pain-I have dealt with the same issue (though I am younger that you-only 21, my boyfriend will be 22 in the spring). I only really had one actual relationship before my boyfriend, so I may have had less then you. It was during my senior year of high school, for about three months we dated. Every day that passed, he irritated me more and more, until I realized that I really didn’t like him. But, as I’m sure you probably feel with your own boyfriend, everyday that passes with my current boyfriend makes me love him more. 

I do think some people need more relationships, in order to know what they want/don’t want. However, I think that comes down to how well people know themselves. If people know who they are, they know what they want/don’t want and what is/isn’t good for them. You already know who you are, and didn’t need relationships to help you-some people do, and neither is wrong. As long as you’re happy, screw what everyone else says. You KNOW you have something wonderful, and you didn’t have to date many guys to get that. Heck, I pretty much am my boyfriends first relationship. But every time we go to a party, or out with friends, and come across other girls, he always tells me, ‘Thank god you aren’t like them.’ He knows what he wants, without having to day a slew of girls.

Be happy, treasure what you have, and pay no mind to what others say ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 55
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

Jeneexoxo:  I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all! I’m also 23, and the man I’m about to marry is my second boyfriend (though I had a bunch of one night stands my freshman year of college, after I broke up with my ex and before I met my partner). My partner is my first “real” relationship. He’s a decade older than me, and we’ve been together for over 4 years, so it’s not like we’re two young ‘uns who are stuck in the “puppy love” phase”. I don’t think you are, either. Sometimes you just know it’s right very early on, and no one should fault you for it!

I actually think you’re pretty lucky to have found him so early – you didn’t have to kiss a bunch of frogs before finding him, and you don’t have a bunch of baggage. I still have trust issues from my ex cheating, and you’re lucky to not be stuck with anything like that.

Post # 56
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Tarp Chapel

I am marrying my HS sweetheart whom I have been with for 8 years.. so I guess I am all for it!

Post # 57
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Jeneexoxo:  

It’s lovely that this thread made you happy and I am glad that you are going to take things slow. 

 

Post # 58
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

Jeneexoxo:  I’m marrying for first serious boyfriend in 3 months. I dated a few guys for a short period of time, but nothing else ever got serious. I know that he had doubts about settling down with his first girlfriend at one time, but in the end we both decided that we had experienced enough together to know that we were a good match.

Post # 59
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

 

Jeneexoxo:  I think it is OK. Consider that for most of human history, people were married by age 20. For all the delays there are now, multiple partners, living together, people do not necessarily do a better job of picking someone.

 

Post # 60
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Jeneexoxo:  I’m getting married next year to the love of my life. It took him three prior relationships to find me and it made him a better person and more certain about what he wants. As someone who knew what she wanted in a relationship ahead of time it only took me one try to get it right.

I don’t think either is necessarily better or worse than the other. It just depends on the person and what feels right for them.

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