(Closed) Is it a big deal if I don't go to FSIL's wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Do you expect her to attend your wedding? Will your fiance be there? If you answer yes to both of these questions then you have no reason not to be there. It’s one day. She is family. You don’t have a valid reason not to be there. 

Post # 47
Member
9818 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah you have to go.  There have been to family weddings I didn’t want to go to (daytime, dry, horrible food, no entertainment) but had to suck it up anyway.  Seeing as this is your SIL’s wedding, which is family, you need to be there.

Post # 49
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

mem12 :  Just think of it as a chance to see your Fiance all snazzy & dressed up! That alone would make it worth it to me! Can’t ever get the man to dress nice lol.

Post # 50
Member
252 posts
Helper bee

Sorry but you have to go. No buts about it.

Post # 51
Member
8 posts
Newbee

You most definitely must go. Would you be upset if she didn’t come to your wedding events?

You and you Fiance have been dating for 7 years. She is, in all regards, your family. Just because you dislike weddings is not a good enough reason to not support her through one of the most important times in her life.

Post # 52
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee

mem12 :  I definitely think you should go, without a question. I think “supporting family” trumps “not liking weddings.”

Post # 53
Member
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

mem12 :  I am a little stung by some of the responses but I guess that’s what I get for coming to a wedding website and confessing that I want to play hookie, right lol? I’m going to the wedding and I’ll be wearing my dancin’ shoes. 

Honestly the responses have nothing to do with this being a wedding website and you wanting to play hookie. This comes from general decorum and and etiquette when it comes to family dynamics. Skipping your future SIL’s wedding because you just don’t feel like going it pretty much saying you don’t give a shit about their family or that you’re about to become a part of it.

Based on your comments that you’re eloping it sounds like weddings just aren’t a big deal to you, and that’s totally fine. Weddings aren’t for everyone. If this were any other person/friend I’d say by all means skip it – you’re not techinically obligated to go to any wedding. But the wedding of someone who is about to become your family? Yeah I don’t think you get a free pass on that one without some major hurt feelings and bad blood down the road. Definitely not how I’d want to start off my relationship with my ILs. 

Post # 54
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

What now? Is this real life? It’s an hour, that’s nothing. I don’t even know how to respond to this except to say if you were my partner or the partner of someone I know I would be running, not walking, away from you. The explanation that you’re not into weddings (neither am I) and/or just don’t know because your family isn’t like that (neither is mine) isn’t really washing with me, sorry. I hope you will do better now, but I find it hard to believe you never knew to – sorry 

Post # 55
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

mem12 :  Family trumps your preference of not attending weddings.  It says a lot (of negative things) about the type of person you are if you don’t go. That’s just how it is. Suck it up and go. 

Post # 56
Member
9506 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes it’s a big deal, and yes you should go.

Some people commute an hour each way to work; you can’t be bothered for a once in a lifetime event for a future family member?

How is this even a question.

Post # 57
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?  (or if she was to find out how you really felt?)

“I guess I wasn’t thinking of it as a family thing…”

Then what were you thinking of it as? :/ Weddings (and births) are supposed to be the happiest time in a person’s (and therefore, their family’s) lives.  You need to make this less about you and more about your fiance and his sister – your future family.  Not going to the wedding of one of your immediate family members without a legit excuse is poor form. 

Post # 58
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I agree with the pp. I love weddings but theirs some who don’t and that’s fine but when it comes to family of any kind then those family weddings need to be mandatory. 

Post # 59
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Are you really complaining about a two hour round trip drive. That is shorter than my daily commute. 

Post # 60
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Whet? Are you trolling!!! 👹

You said you’re new here so let me give a little advice … If you come to ask a bunch of engaged/newly married women (and maybe men!!) if you should attend the wedding of your fiancé’s sister, you are going to get answers ranging from civil to are-you-out-of-your-mind!? You said you don’t like preplanned events or get togethers. So what! You’ll get over spending a few days honoring her. Whether you are having a wedding or not, you should know it’s important! It seems like you have a good relationship with her. I’d be hurt if my fiancé’s sister did that to me! Your absence shows you don’t value her, her marriage or your future family because you can’t go outside of your comfort zone to attend a few events!  Your absence WILL be noted and it could turn your relationship with his family, and maybe him, very very sour! Your presence is an investment in your future with this family! Take heed to these comments!!!

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