(Closed) Is it a complete surprise?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’ve been told that shopping together for the ring is somewhat “tacky” – I think he beleives that any woman would be drawn to an unaffordable ring, and he hates pushy sales people, so I can see not wanting to deal with that and me in a store at the same time.  I have a “wishlist” hidden on Amazon of 20 rings styles in what I consider a do-able price range – I’m just waiting for this next wedding to be over, and maybe the wedding June before showing it to him – I don’t want to make him feel pressured, but he seems a little lost sometimes when it comes to picking jewelry for me – Valentine’s was a bit of a disaster because he picked something HE liked, and because it was the closest he could get to my favorite stone (he got me turquiose, which I honeslty don’t really care for, and my favorite is my birthstone, aquamarine… I like sparkle which in no way looks like flat, matte turquiose.  🙁 )

Sooooo, I really want to have SOME input into the ring, even if only to show him I’m more than willing and happy to get something other than a diamond, which would drop the price dramatically. 

Other than that, the most I’ve heard is a “maybe in two years”.  The recent engagements and weddings shook him a bit – we ahve been the longest lasting couple for years in a sea of singles… now we’re the longest together-but-only-unmarried-couple in a sea of wedded and soon to be wed people.  I don’t care so much how it’s done.  I don’t need a unicorn ride through a rainbow forest – I’d be happy waking up to him putting a ring on my finger some random day.  BUT, he doesn’t believe that I’d be fine with that, and he says I’m impossible to surpise, so who knows.  I guess as long as I can shed my maiden name sometime before I die I should be happy. 

Post # 49
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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@Anxiouspeanut:  Good/Bad news – I want to trust him, but haven’t EVER shown him any rings I like – it’s been a non-topic for many years- the more I brought it up, the more is pushed him away from it – and after his last idea of jewelry I should like, I’m a bit worried.  He likes opals and “flat” looking stones.  I like things with sparkle that you don’t have to have a foot away to appreciate.  I’ve found several aquamarine’s I’d like, that cost less than 500.00 and still fit my idea of “pretty”.  I’ve had photos or necklaces and earrings on my public wishlist forver, just as a guidline to wht I like… and he buys me southwestern native American jewelry?  I’ve grown to like the set, don’t get me wrong, but I really don’t want to have to fake my reaction should he present me with an e-ring – I’m apparently not very good at it.

The Good/Bad news is that I don’t think he’s had or will have any time soon enough to purchase even one of the modestly priced rings I like, so I’m trying to find a good time and manner to send him my list – it’s just hard to pick a “when” to do it.  Today is my birthday, so one date I was waiting to pass before sending him the list is gone (didn’t want him to think I expected a birthday proposal), and now I just need to make it through the weekend wedding we’re going to, and hope our emotional bride-friend doesn’t lose it (she’s borderline bi-polar) and make my BF feel even more trepedation about a wedding based on his experience Saturday.

Soooo…. while it’s tight right now money-wise, at least I have no reason to believe he’s ever purchased a ring – we share my car and he hates to drive, so it’s incrediably rare for him to go out and buy me a gift witout my knowledge… and he’s nervous about online purchases, so I think I have time to get over being wishy-washy and give him my list, maybe next month when we have no weddings or engagements parties or birthdays/gift-y holidays to worry about.  I plan on just sending it with a “if you’ve ever wondered what I like, here’s some examples – if this is something you want to look at, fine, if not, that’s okay, too.”  I kinda want to ask him not to even mention to me what he thinks of any of it, because I’m going to feel pushy just sending some pics and websites as it is.

Post # 51
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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@Anxiouspeanut: I plan on showing him some pics – my comment about his preferences compared to mine simply meant that he doesn’t always see the same things as “pretty” as I do – (imagine if your SO only found green stones pretty, so when he goes to pick something for you, even if he knows you like white, clear stones, when he looks at them they look God-awful and he can’t imagine getting you soemthing he finds so ugly – it’s kinda like trying to pick clothes for his mom – I know what she likes,a dn I personally DON’T like it, so trying to pick soemthing is hard) – so I feel I HAVE to show him some examples.  I wish I could feel good just letting him go pick somsething, and he HAS found some very nice gifts for me… but of late I feel like he’s no seeing what I see when looking at things.  I’m just waiting to give it to him at a non-pressure-y time.  I’m kinda hoping to catch the bloomin’ boquet tomorrow or in June and then it’d be a lead-in to showing him the examples.

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