(Closed) Is it a lost art form?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m in the same boat.  I had NO idea Fiance was proposing even though we had been together for five years at that point.

Post # 4
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I was completely surprised as well.  But a guy that will dare to propose when he’s ready without knowing for sure the girl is ready and without just bringing it up in conversation is pretty rare I think. 

But, a lot of the girls with the time frame in my mind have already had proposals.  When their guy said, I want to marry you, lets get married – to me no matter how casual the conversation it’s a proposal.  

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I hope it’s not! I love the romance of the surprise proposal. To me, the timeframes seem so forced.

When Fiance proposed to me I knew it was coming but not when. It was still a total shock!

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

my guy surprised me! we were just talking about that. he asked me when we were dating for 11 months, and while i was ready, i was trying not to think about it until after we got past our year anniversary because i thought he would wait until then. if at all.

Post # 7
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

Personally, I hate surprises. Plus SO wanted to make sure that we were both ready for that kind of committment before he popped the question. (I think part of him feared that I would say NO!) So we have had a few conversations about when the best time was for us.

That being said, there is something totally romantic about it being out of the blue, and I deff don’t think that surprise proposals are a thing of the past…. I just don’t like the idea of it!!

Post # 8
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think as a person who married their high school sweetheart 7 years later, it was pretty much assumed that we were going to get married one day, but we had no real timelines (other than we would like to wait until we are at least 25), so I was completely surprised.

I think about 6 months before we got engaged I told him I was officially ready when he was, but it was really up to him. For all I knew he could have waited until we were 30. I wouldn’t have cared because he knew I was ready, and I in no way wanted to pressure him into anything. In the 7 years we dated, we probably brought up marriage only a handful of times. Again, we just knew it would happen one day when we were both ready, so no need to bash it into the ground. 

I also think I would have missed out on being really surprised if we talked about it all of the time. I had absolutely no idea he was even looking for a ring, or that he was remotely close to being ready. I know a lot of people on here love to figure out when he is going to propose and to discuss it nonstop with their SO’s, but that is just not us, and I would have been really sad if I weren’t 100% surprised. To me it just seems so much more romantic. 

I hope it’s not a lost art form!

Post # 9
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s so ironic that i was just having this conversation with my co-worker today.  If he gives you a timeline of when he’s going to propose, i say that’s your proposal.  I don’t get it when my Fiance proposed to me it was to be a surprise, if i wasn’t so nosey and snooped, but that’s besides the point, it was a surprise.  He didn’t say oh sometime next summer i’ll propose.  I love the romanticism of the surprise proposal.

Post # 10
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I had no idea my husband was going to propose!! I actually wasnt even sure if he was ready to get married yet! I had known for the past year that I was, but I was waiting for him to be ready, and I guess he was!

Post # 11
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I agree. I had NO idea. I like that it was a suprise. I mean I figured it would come before Christmas ’09 but I had no idea it was gonna be in Feb.

I always refer to it as HIS proposal cuz to be honest all we do is stand there & cry.

Post # 12
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My proposal was a complete surprise – I mean I had suspected it because he is horrible at keeping things from me but he never told me he was looking for a ring, never told me he had a ring, told me that he would be ready in about 2 years (then 3 weeks later proposed). So, to answer your question, NO the surprise proposal is not a lost art form! And to be honest I had never heard of people setting timelines or knowing that their SO had a ring until I came on weddingbee

Post # 13
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Personally I think the timeframe of, “It’ll happen before ___” is not cool in my book.  I did know my Fiance would ask me because we openly discussed marriage and stuff, but after the initial ring shopping to see what I liked I had no idea.  I still think it was wonderful and I was still surprised and cried my eyes out when he asked me.  He also asked my dad for his blessing, which I had never mentioned he needed to do or my family thought it was what he should do before asking me.  I had never really thought about that part because my dad never said he needed to give his blessing first (like some dads).  When I found out he did though it was extra sweet and I cried again.  🙂

Post # 16
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think the proposal windows and timelines are a by-product of our modern attitude toward delaying marriage. In the past people got married earlier and with less fanfare. So maybe there was also less to-do with the proposal. You would go out for a set amount of time, decide to get married, announce it, and then get married. If there was a proposal, it might have been a surprise because they hadn’t talked much about marriage before that point. Because for a proposal to be a true surprise, the couple has to not have already talked a lot about marriage. Now that we date much longer and wait til much later on average to marry, a couple may be together for 5 years before marriage, giving them ample time to discuss it.  We also have more egalitarian attitudes toward gender roles marriage wherein the couple may decide together to get married rather than the man deciding on his own and proposing to the woman.

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