Post # 17
In general, yes, this would be an issue for me. I’m very close with my brothers and they are both very reasonable, respectful, and nice people. So if my SO couldn’t get along with them, I’d have to wonder why (and odds are the fault would lie with my SO).
Now I don’t expect them to be BFFs, but they need to at least get along and play nice.
Post # 18
@ShabbyChicBee: I’ve already had in-laws who hated me, stuck their nose in our marriage and generally went out of their way to make me uncomfortable in my first marriage. It’s no fun. I should have realized that my opinion on anything (including my own wedding, which I 100% paid for) didn’t matter and I would have been better off from the start.
Fiance gets along with my sister, but he’s only met her twice. I am currently not getting along with my sister and at this point I doubt I ever will. I don’t fight with her, don’t see her and so Fiance will probably never see her again, so that’s a moot point.
FI’s siblings, I get along with them well enough. Only one of them lives where we live, so he’s the only one I’ve met in person. He’s cordial, I’m cordial, we’re not BFFs or anything, but I can’t imagine disagreeing with him on anything. We’ve never had that personal of a conversation. He’s a serious bible thumper and we’ve been invited to his house for a group bible study every Tuesday night. I’m not religious, but I went once, just to play nice. I never went back and he’s not ever asked me why or brought it up again. So I don’t see us ever having a problem.
If we did have a problem with each other’s families it would suck, like I said, been there, done that. It makes everything awkward and stupid. I’d rather just be cordial and get along. It wouldn’t make me leave him if he didn’t get along with my family. And I know it wouldn’t make him leave me because I already know that I am not what his parents envisioned as his wife and he’s still here.
Post # 19
SO gets along great with one of my brothers (S) to the point where they started hanging out more than SO and I. However, my other brother (B) and SO have nothing in common and can’t stand each other. I really don’t care, as I don’t particularly like the brother (B) who doesn’t like SO, and I really care about the opinion of the brother (S) who likes him.
If S didn’t like him, I would most definitely reconsider the relationship. S has great judgement of people, and has always had friends with great intentions. He was bullied from elementary to high school and was always able to pick out the people who would never treat someone like that – since he feels good about SO, I know I’ve made a good choice with him. B on the other hand, was a bully in school and always hung out with a crowd that I hated. Frankly, I’d be concerned if he and SO got along.
On that note, my relationship with SO hinged on my relationship with his sister. She has a lot of disabilities and if I wasn’t able to communicate with her positively and have her like and accept me into the family, it would never have worked between SO and I.
Post # 20
As long as people are civil at family gatherings, everybody doesn’t have a be BFFs.
That is, unless they did something horrible. There was a thread about someone’s FI’s sibling calling them a racial slur the other day. That is (obviously) a big deal and potentially a dealbreaker if your SO doesn’t handle it correctly.
Post # 21
My sister and my husband don’t particularly like each other- my sister can be very dramatic and selfish. When I got engaged, she didn’t come to the engagement party but instead offered to take the 3 of us out to celebrate…the “3 of us” being her, me, and my mom.
But they’ll be polite to each other. They just don’t really interact. I’d like it if they were closer, but I don’t blame him for not making more of an effort.
Post # 22
@ShabbyChicBee: I care, but I know that not everyone else feels the same way.
@likewoah: I’m in a very similar situation where I can’t blame my SO and I feel the same way you do. Unfortunately, it’s not something I can change.
Post # 23
My brother and my husband were friends years ago. My brother now hates my husband for some unknown reason. When we got engaged my sister wasn’t exactly excited like I was hoping. I think she even said I should wait to see if it’s what I want? My sister has never liked my husband. Because of him I’ve been able to grow as a person and make my own decisions. When my mother died, my sister forced herself into the mother role so she felt like he was ruining what she had worked so hard to protect. Which is understandable, but annoying because I wanted to branch out and do my own thing, where all she wants to do is spend time just the two of us, WITHOUT him. I’d happily do it if she acknowledged his existence, but she doesn’t.
Tl;dr – if they hate each other it’s not on me.
Post # 24
Nope. As long as he acts civilized, I don’t care who he likes or dislikes.
Post # 25
@ShabbyChicBee: My sisters gave me and Fiance a lot of crap when we started dating – for like 2-3 years. It was ridiculous and it led to a rift in my relationship with them because Fiance hadn’t done anything to deserve it.
Fiance and I do not like his brother’s Girlfriend at all. We are sure that they know that, but not once have we ever voiced that disapproval nor have we ever tried to tell him who he should be dating. Neither of us feel it is our place.
I’m a big believer in the idea that you don’t have to be friends with your In-Laws. As long as everyone is being civil and polite that is really all you can ask for or expect.
Post # 26
We don’t see each other’s family enough for this to be an issue. Everyone can be civil a few hours a year if there were issues.
Post # 27
@novacaineandlaughter: mostly this. My brother is not likeable, why would I expect Fiance to like him?
Post # 28
Honestly, I don’t even get along all that well with my sisters. My SO and I both act cordial towards them, but we really don’t like either of their personalities LOL.
Post # 29
I’m not seeing anyone right now but if I was then I would expect my future bf to at least get along with my parents and my grandma on my moms side only because they have done a lot for me when I was growing up and have been amazing and supporting parents. They are amazing parents. My grandma on my moms side has done a lot for me and is non judge mental and has always been there for me and my sister. My parents have helped me a lot especially with my Tourette’s and adhd dissiblity. I have a learning dissiblity too. Although I’m close to my grandma on my dads side and my grandpa and step grandma on my moms side I wouldn’t value their opinion as much because they are too judgemental and my grandma on my dads side dosnt support inter racial marriages. I do have a sister and I’m not that close to her and I don’t and wouldn’t value her opinion as much because she is judgemental, and opinionated,
Post # 30
@ShabbyChicBee: I couldn’t vote because, while it would not be a “total dealbreaker”, I would not be very happy about it at all.
Post # 31
@ShabbyChicBee: I think it depends. If you also don’t get along with your siblings, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, provided everyone can be pleasant enough in the same room as each other. If you were really close with your siblings but your SO couldn’t stand them, that could cause issues.
Darling Husband and I don’t hate our siblings, but we’re not exactly best friends with them either. So it doesn’t really matter if I don’t like his brothers and sisters or he doesn’t like my sister.