(Closed) is it a no no

posted 9 years ago in Money
  • poll: is it okay to help pay

    yes

    no

    other and explain

  • Post # 17
    Member
    4334 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It doesn’t need to be expensive. I’ve been to lots of showers that were just at someone’s house, and it doesn’t even need to a whole meal. Just appetizers and a few door prizes. How expensive could that be?

    Post # 18
    Member
    3460 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    View original reply
    @asianyoushi:  Do you need to invite all of the female guests?  I’m not inviting all of mine (and I haven’t been invited to one for every wedding I’ve attended).  Maybe if you cut the list somewhat there will be space to hold it in a home?

    Post # 19
    Member
    913 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    What if she delegates certain things, and their cost, to other members of the bridal party? Put one in charge of buying invites, another in charge of alcohol, etc.? Would that make her more comfortable than flat-out asking for contributions?

    Post # 20
    Member
    827 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    She should ask the other bridesmaids or they should offer is more like it.

    Post # 21
    Member
    4674 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I few years ago I was Maid/Matron of Honor and in a similar situation.  Out of three BM’s her sister was the only one who was really financially secure.  We held a small bridal shower in my apartment, mostly for friends (her FIL’s threw her another shower for mostly them and people in her hometown and her family mostly lived out of state).  It was a fun little event and she really enjoyed it.  I reused decorations from my mom or aunts wedding that my mom had saved and we just had a few short games.  For favors I mad small cakes for everyone to decorate and take home.  Her sister took care of the food and cake. 

    SO it is defiantely possible to throw a shower on limited means.  I would throw the girls some low cost ideas.  

    Post # 21
    Member
    4674 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    double post

    Post # 22
    Member
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    If they have financial burdens, there is always a alternative way to do it.

    If you don’t want to go crazy, you can always have the party as a local restaurant and have lunch together…open gifts and call it good.  That way all the guests pay for their own meals.

    Have a potluck and have each guest bring a dish/treat.  Decor really depends on your theme and you don’t have to go all out.  Invite can be done via Evite, no money cost. 

    If you are expecting something big, then I think it would be nice to offer the help.  If the BMs are your good friends, you probably have an idea how they stand financially.  Then you can suggest appropriate setting for the shower to Maid/Matron of Honor and have Maid/Matron of Honor coordinate with them. 

    I think the bottom line is you want everyone have a good time without putting a huge financial burden on your girls.  They are not obligated. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    4334 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    View original reply
    @lamkky:  I’ve been to several showers in restaurants and they have always been paid for by the host. If you expect people to pay for it (which, I think is rude… “here, come to this party, and pay for your meal!”) then be sure to notify or hint to people.

    Post # 24
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    In today’s world you should not expect your bridesmaids to throw and fund your shower. IMO. If you can financially afford to help then you should. Putting your Maid/Matron of Honor in a tight financial situation is def not the right thing to do.

    Post # 25
    Member
    2724 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    When someone agrees to be in your wedding party it is pretty well known they are expected to pay for their own dress, shoes, sometimes accessories and that they will split the cost of the shower and bachelorette party. This person chose on her own free will to be in your wedding and another knowing the above things. She should be asking the other girls for help. You shouldn’t have to feel obligated to help but you could help pay for a part of their dresses or something like that instead. This isn’t your fault! 

    And like one PP said it doesn’t have to be an extravegant event! I went to a shower that was later in the afternoon…they had some finger foods and cupcakes and few decorations. For the bachelorette party (I wasn’t in the bridal party) all the girls who came contributed. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    When I was a bridesmaid, we each put in for the party. We each voulinteered to bring something and it was a group thing. I think she should even just ask them to bring something that is needed, like if snacks are needed get them to bring a meat and cheese tray or maybe some decorations.  She should not have to carry the entire burden of the cost. But at the same time neither should you.

    Unless the bride is demanding something extravagant (It doesn’t sound like you are) If you were demanding something like 3 ice sculpture swans and I was in your bridal party I would make you front the cash for that, but the rest I would expect us and the bridesmaids to cover lol.

    Post # 28
    Member
    2724 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    If you are already contributing to all of that then they really should foot the bill for the party. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    View original reply
    @asianyoushi: wow! I definitely would not expect you to put in a cent towards the shower. Get your moh to contact the other girls or contact them your self. You are putting a ton in already and I thinkit would be fair enough for them to throw you a shower. 

    The topic ‘is it a no no’ is closed to new replies.

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