(Closed) Is It Acceptable For MIL to Correct DH's Language In Our Own Home?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 46
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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kittychik:  wholey cow. I was on the fence about the whole swearing thing. I mean it is your house but i grump at people for using the c*** word no matter where we are. 

But this new developement. You’re right here. She would not be welcome back in my house after that And i would be giving her a serious serve in person and not backing down. 

Post # 47
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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kittychik:  Oh my god. I posted before I saw your update. That is SO bad. Soooooo so bad. I would be FUMING. 

I agree with you, she would NOT be coming back to my house for a considerable length of time if I were in your situation. But that is very well near the “cut-off” point for me. Even if it were MY mom, and not my Mother-In-Law. 

I actually feel angry on your behalf. What a violation of privacy!!! I can’t even!

Post # 48
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I can have very colorful language at times, but never speak that way around my grandmother who is likely around his mother’s age. He needs to be mindful of his audience.

Post # 49
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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sara.anna:  haha love this!! 

My Mother-In-Law doesnt come to our house by her choice (she is a bit of a hermit) but if she did… and did this… I’m at the “can’t even” stage of thinking how i would react. Lol 

Post # 50
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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kittychik:  Yikes!

…But please, please don’t swear at your Mother-In-Law. I would be livid too, she’s cray-cray, you are correct, she is wrong, but in the end, being angry AT her will not motivate her to change her behavior, nor will it actually make you feel better (it might in the exact moment, but you have to have this person in your life as imperfect as she is and–bear in mind–your Darling Husband probably doesn’t want his wife and mother at each-other’s throats). So please–even if it means you can’t talk to her about things right now because you’re too hot–just don’t explode at her. It’s not going to do anything good. 

You do, however, need to set up boundaries. And I think that while you can’t yell and scream at her, you can sit her down (or better yet–I’d have Darling Husband AND you both sit her down) and give it to her straight up: this is our house and we will live in it as we see fit. That includes the language we use, where we put things, and choices we make as a couple and a family. We have reasonable expectations regarding privacy as adults and we demand that you, mom, respect them. 

That’s really all you need to say, and the calmer and more controlled you say it, the more power your retain in your relationship with her. 

Post # 51
Member
927 posts
Busy bee

Oh lordy lord. Yep, I would never have her in our house again if she did that to me. Though I would guilt trip her over it (“I am just SO HURT that you would do this to me” blah blah) to try to make her feel bad about what she did, rather than yelling at her – but that is just one approach and with what she did you are within your rights to yell if you need to!

ETA: this comment is in response to OPs update about Mother-In-Law snooping, not in response to the original issue of Mother-In-Law telling Darling Husband off for swearing

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  flossy.lou.
Post # 52
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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kittychik:  i was totally raised the same way as you.  Even down to the queen of your castle idea. As an adult, my parents very rarely tell me what I should and shouldn’t do because they trust that I already know what I should and shouldn’t do, so it’s definitely hard for me to not roll my eyes in your situation. 

Post # 53
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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sara.anna:  right. I could totally understand if it was ‘motherfucker’ lol

Post # 54
Member
7471 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Anyone has a right to ask you not to use curse words around them.

Post # 55
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Totally alright in my book, just don’t swear around your mom. She kind of has the right to ask for that.

Post # 56
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

yes she had a right to say that. She’s his mother and correcting bad behavior becomes habit really. I correct DHs language all the time and don’t mean to but every once in a while I will do it when we are out with friends etc.

I think she had a right to say something. If your Darling Husband is playing a friendly game of cards with close family and kept getting works up enough to swear, someone needed to snap him out of it.

I dont swear. I find it vulgar and offensive. Even as a teen when I would swear it would always feel unnatural. I dont like it and can see why your Mother-In-Law would say something after so many times.

Post # 58
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ok. Just read the update. There is a huge difference between asking her son to stop swearing and rifling through your private things and then confronting her son about what she saw. I didn’t think the first issue was so bad (just a little annoying), now I can see that she is clearly insane. I would lose my mind if anyone was snooping like that. Good luck with your lunch. Keep us updated!

Post # 59
Member
12815 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Good luck with your meeting. If it had been me, I’d have insisted that H be the one to do most of the talking and we would have confronted her together. Especially with the news that she will no longer be welcome in your home for the forseeable future. 

Considering that you probably did not know her years ago, at her age how do you know that she doesn’t have some form of dementia?  Just because she “acts” younger than she is, doesn’t mean that her brain hasn’t changed with time. This does not sound like rational behavior.   

Post # 60
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee

As the mother of two “men” I don’t see why it makes a difference whether you own a house and are in it or are married or are 50 years old yourself.

I would think disrespecting something your Darling Husband learned as a small child would be VERY disrespecrful to HER. Darling Husband surely must be able to express his unhappiness without using a word that is obviously offensive to her.

In our house we always said “If you can’t say (word) in front of GRANDMA (my mom) don’t say it in front of me either.”

We also taught our sons that different situations (locker room, Church, Grandma’s house, classroom) required different languages, and they complied with NO PROBLEMS.

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