(Closed) Is it acceptable to propose with a diamond alternative without her knowing?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
9223 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Uhh, no. Talk to her about it first. If she finds out after the fact that you lied to her (and that includes lying by omission), even if she loves the ring, I can’t imagine she’d be pleased with you.

Post # 3
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Talk to her about it. If you’re contemplating getting married, the two of you should be able to discuss this.

Post # 4
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Yeah, dude. You need to have a convo about this with her first. She might like moissies but have her heart set on a diamond.

Post # 5
Member
458 posts
Helper bee

No. Either get her a smaller, real diamond or the big halo setting with a gemstone. Don’t go over what you can afford, but don’t propose to her with a diamond simulant unless you know she’s down with that. Lots of places have diamond upgrade policies. Check out james Allen and blue Nile to get the most bang for your buck. if she likes halos you can get more flash out of a smaller diamond.

Post # 6
Member
9580 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I would talk to a friend of hers (who you trust not to blow it), get the friend to say to her “oh i love that ring you pinned… but what’s moissanite?”

If she’s like “no idea” or says something totally wrong like “a brand of diamonds” then she obviously has no idea what it is, and you need to talk to her about it.

If she goes on a rant about how awesome moissanite is and how it’s better than diamonds and/or how she wants a moissanite ring… then you’re in the clear.

At least, thats what I figure.

Post # 7
Member
893 posts
Busy bee

AllenScott:  I think moissanite is very pretty but you don’t need to be trained to be able to see that it is not a diamond, so I don’t recommend just giving her the ring and letting her pass it off as a diamond when it is not. It may lead to awkward scenarios for both of you. 

You could go the custom route and have a designer create the ring setting she likes, which can help lower the price. Some great ones are on Etsy but lots of bees on here recommend David Klass. 

Alternatively, you could get the setting she likes with a CZ and tell her that you’d like to choose the stone with her, whether it is moissanite and you buy it now, or you save up for a diamond in the future.

Your best bet would be to find out if she likes moissanite before purchasing it. 

Post # 8
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Yeah, no…. You can’t lie to your partner about her engagement ring. I can’t imagine that ending well.

Post # 9
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m going to go out on a limb and say in this case, since you looked at the rings SHE pinned, you can go ahead and get her a moissanite. I would tell her that is what it is, though! I would make a little speech about how you carefully looked at everything she pinned and noticed how many moissanites she loved, and went with one for her!

If you are really concerned, I would go with ordering the setting and the loose stone, and proposing with the stone in a holder, then show her the setting. Although… If she doesn’t like you spending $4000 on something you got because of her pinterest page because it isn’t a “real diamond,” she sounds incredibly shallow.

Post # 10
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

AllenScott:  um, no, she needs to know.  Tell her your reasoning for a Moissy.  If she is the right girl for you, she will love the moissy, or be ok getting a smaller diamond.

Post # 11
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

AllenScott:  I have a 2.5 forever brilliant moissanite and I love. I don’t think I would mind if my fiancé proposed with a moissanite it look like a diamond and no one really can tell the difference. I say if money is an issue right and you want to propose and have to go with a moissy I say go for it and tell her it’s a moissy. Or you can ask her what she thinks about moissanite without giving the fact you want to propose;by saying you hear one of your co-worker talk about these moissanite earring her husband gave her blah blah blahand they look like diamond and see what she said and go from there. 

Post # 12
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian

AllenScott:  I have a few suggestions…

1) Could you take a picture of the ring she likes to a store in the jewelry district and see if they can do anything comperable for a cheaper price. The mark-ups in stores is INSANE. I don’t know her, but for me, I don’t care where it comes from as long as I like it and it’s reputable. (Yelp is your friend in this situation).

2) There are a TON of people on here that swear by moissanite. It’s not my style, but if she likes it, there is nothing wrong with getting a non-diamond center stone. I wanted morganite initially. You MUST be up front with her about it though. Don’t pass it off as a diamond. After you propose with her lovely ring which I’m sure she’ll just love, say soemthing like “The center stone is moissanite. I saw you liked it on Pinterest and I loved how it looks with this setting you liked.”

In short, ther’es nothing wrong with getting a non-diamond center stone. those rings are most often beautiful. Just don’t pass it off, because when you go to get it insured, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do.

Post # 13
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t lie to your woman.  

Post # 14
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

AllenScott:  I would talk to her about it.  I would say that, given that the majority of her pins are moissanite rings, she would *probably* love a moissanite ring, but it’s one of those situations where you should definitely chat with her and just make sure she’s open to it for herself.  You can discuss this but leave the rest of the ring a surprise so that you still have that moment where she first sees the ring if you want the surprise element to the proposal.  Good luck! 

Post # 15
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Also, I have a halo around a .45 ct diamond, it cost around what you are talking about spending, and every single person has either said, “it’s absolutely gorgeous!” Or “whoa, that is huge!” I don’t think you need to get one that is 1.5 cts.

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