- 5 years ago
First of all I would like to apoligize for this being long ahead of time.
I am here looking for advice. I am 35 years old and have been dating the woman of my dreams for almost a year now. We are at that point now where friends are saying to me “when are you going to put a ring on it”. Honestly, I didnt think that came up for another year or so haha.<br />That said, I do want to marry this woman. We are both so incredibly in love and its wonderful. We have very briefly had small talks about our future, wanting to get married one day, being together forever, etc. But never had a full blown out conversation about all the details of a ring.
I do follow her on Pinterest, see some of the things she follows and likes on Instagram, etc. Plus, I know her pretty well and I believe I have a pretty good idea of the style ring she likes and would want. So lately I have been window shopping on the internet, just to get ideas and calculate the cost in my head. And I am a little overwhelmed and scared at what I have found.
From what I can gather, she likes halo style rings. I found one of her favorite jewelry stores in New York that she follows on Instagram and Pinterest and contacted them about a design that I believe that she would love. The halo setting alone without the center stone is $3000. And it would hold roughly a 1.5 carat center stone. Of course, buying from them is expensive and pushes this ring to $10k or more depending on the quality of a diamond. I simply just cannot afford $10k+ for a ring. Not to mention, we are planning to move in together in the next 4 months, we have 3 kids between us already, going to go on our first vacation in a few months, etc. I just dont have that kind of money. And knowing her, I dont think she would want me spending that kind of money with everything else to take into consideration.
So, when stalking her Pinterest I have found that alot of her pins and pictures she likes, are “moissanite” center stone rings. I had never known what this was, so I did alot of research over the weekend and come to find out, they are pretty nice diamond alternative at alot less of a price. I can get the best 1.5ct Amora Mossianite for under $1000, putting the entire ring at $4000. MUCH MUCH BETTER! that I can handle!
My main question here is…. yes she has liked these Moissanite rings online. But I do not know if she actually knows or realizes they are moissanite, or just thinks they are pretty and likes them assuming they are just a typical diamond ring and doesnt read the description.
My thought is, I can get a really really nice halo setting full of diamonds from her favorite jewelry store, in a big size she would like, etc. everything would look and be perfect, except the center stone would not be a diamond. But from what I have read, the typical friend/person would never even know if she chose not to tell them. And the ring even with this stone, would still be $4000 or more after taxes, etc. Thats still not a “cheap” ring by any means. But the downside is, she is a woman and an engagement ring is sometimes looked at as the most important materialistic thing she will ever own. If she does want/expect a diamond, and I get this “cheap alternative” I feel that would be disasterous. I dont think shes the type of person who would ever make a big deal of it to me and hurt my feelings, but my fear is that she is unhappy about it and ashamed, etc on the inside. I would hate for her to hate the ring she is to wear for the rest of her life. And especially be ashamed to show it off to her friends, etc.
so what do I do here? If it were me personally, i would rather have the moissanite that looks amazing, than have to have a smaller, not as good of a quality diamond and maybe not a setting from my favorite place. It just seems that a nice diamond in this size is going to cost more than the entire ring with a moissanite. And honestly, thats just not something I can afford right now and may take another year or something just to save up for with all the expenses we have coming up.<br />But I am a little old fashion and want the whole thing to be a surprise. I know recently she has talked to a few friends about me proposing and i know she wants me to, but i dont think she thinks im really going to do it anytime soon. And i feel by poking around, asking questions, dropping hints, etc will ruin the entire surprise/anticipation she might be having.
so would it be acceptable for me to just go ahead with the ring, with the moissanite and propose using it as is? obviously at first, she would never know… then later, i could either tell her, and if she has an issue, we can replace with a real diamond down the road…. or i could just not tell her at all, and if it ever came up i could just play dumb and say i never knew and got ripped off lol… ok that last one isnt the best idea…. but i really just am very hesitant to straight up ask her view on moissanite any time soon as the whole “put a ring on it” and marriage talk as been going on lately.