Post # 1
So, I’ll be marrying a man who is 6 years younger than me. Unfortunately, his mom completely againsts me and their tradition doesn’t allow younger man getting married with older woman.
My questions are:
– Is it appropriate for a younger man to marry an older woman? We’re 6 years apart, what are your advices on this?
– We’re planning to sign a marriage license, then get the ceremony and reception done a year later. Is it appropriate for us to have sex and live together after we sign the marriage license?
– Since her mom against our relationship, she then forbids all family members from his side to get in touch with him and keep questioning him if we break up in the near future. That said, my family members don’t feel confident with our relationship, however my family side is more flexible. They don’t against our relationship, but they prefer us to get blessings from his side too. Is it appropriate if we keep insisting to get married? We’ve been in a relationship for 6 years, so yeah..it’s not a short journey.
– Is it common for parents-in-law against the relationship because of age difference? I’m 32 y.o. and he is 26 y.o. Because of this, his mom cut off her relationship with his son (my fiancee). What would your suggestions be?
Post # 3
It’s appropriate for any couple who is in love to get married. Tell his mom to suck it. (much nicer, please!) 😉
Post # 4
I think that’s crazy, you both are adults. What’s wrong with this lady? What tradition? Is it a race thing? Has she ever liked you? It’s up to you with the living together and sex.. My fi and I, like a lot of others… moved in and had sex before we were engaged
Post # 5
My aunt married an guy who was about nine years younger than her, and their marriage is still going strong after about thirty or so years! She’s the one with the hate issues, not you :(.
As for the sex thing, I would say that just depends on when you guys want to do it :).
Post # 6
I can’t comment on anything else in your post, but I can say that Fiance is five years younger than me, and nobody has brought up the age difference. If anything, he’s more mature than me!
Post # 8
Darling Husband is 5 years younger than I am.
Signing the marriage license when you go get/apply for it doesn’t make it legal… depending on where you are you may have to wait a certain amount of time and then it has to be signed by someone who can legally marry for it to be legal… if this doesn’t happen within a certain amount of time the marriage license expires and you’ll have to get another one when you do decide to get married. I’m not sure your religious upbringing but as a Christian, applying for the marriage license w/o it legally being done/signed does not make you married and sex should be refrained from
If you cannot get blessing from his side b/c of his mothers stance I would continue to love her regardless of her actions and explain to your family the full situation… you always do your part and then the other party is the one left looking foolish and not you.
My Mother-In-Law was pretty against mine and Darling Husband relatioship for quite a few months into our engagement b/c of the age difference.. Darling Husband put his foot down and she got over it.. otherwise if she hadn’t then Darling Husband would’ve still married me and just been sad that his mother left the relationship
Sorry you’re going through this… hope it gets worked out soon!
Post # 9
I think that it is appropriate for you to marry the person you love regardless of their age, race, etc. Only you can decide if it is okay to live together and have sex prior to a ceremony.
It is also appropriate for you to feel torn and want his family’s blessing. Ultimately you need to do what you and SO feel is right.
Post # 10
I think you should marry because you’re in love, regardless of age.
Also, will you be having a courthouse wedding first? And then the ceremony later? As PPs said, they expire after a certain amount if time. Do you consider yourself married after a courthouse wedding? Some do, some don’t, so living together and sex would be based on your idea of that.
Post # 11
Eh my mom was 4 years older than my dad when they married in the 60s when that was a no no .. but we have an awesome famly and everyone is happy. i’m not sure about signing the license and if it’s legal…. I’m four years older then my fiancee and who freakin cares. In MY culture it used to be legit for an 18year old girl to marry a 40 year old (uh great grandparents). Even in America during the depression … ex FI’s grandparents got married when she was .13 and he was 29 …. yeah no words for that but six years … is not a big deal. His family sucks for making their son’s happiness about that.
Post # 12
My dad’s parents were 6 years apart and were happily married until the day he died and she never remarried holding onto her love for him until she, too, passed and my DH’s mom and step-dad are 6 years apart and they have been married for 13 years. Why should you be judged just because you are older than him?
Post # 13
@Linz1231: Hahahha yeah, so true about that.
@manders83:It’s just her family tradition/ culture. We both have the same race and grew up in the same country. She forbids me to even be friends with her son. Her son (my fiancee) keeps insisting her to spend time with me, but she shuts herself and stays away from me.
@jo.lee: Now, that’s a relief and an encouragement!
@Shosha1: Thanks – our friends actually thought that we’re the same age and we click to all our friends
@chesseplease: Yes – definitely!
@runsyellowlites: Gotcha – so, when we get the marriage license, then I assume our marriage is legit then. Yes, I agree to keep doing our part. It’s tough and I hope the war ends soon, too. Thanks for your support!
@MrsBrightSkies: Yes, it’s a challenge for us, especially for me since they keep saying that women lost the most in this kind of situation.
@galloway111: Yes, we’ll have the courthouse wedding first, but I have no idea if it’s considered legally married in Christianity even after we get the marriage license. Or, do we need to get the ceremony done to call it legal?
@HisIrishPrincess: Unfortunately yeah… my fiancee feels the same way, too – that his mom tries to ruin his happiness.
@bride21: That’s true – thanks for your advice!
Post # 14
Appropriate is whatever YOU feels right. It is YOUR wedding after all. It is YOU and HIM after all.
Your families can deal with it and be happy for you, or be bitter and miss out.
Don’t let anyone stop you from being with the one you love! And 6 years relationship, what could they possibly be against that? It’s not like it is a whirlwind romance!
Post # 15
Where are you at? In the US obtaining a marriage license does not make you married or legit. It is the document that is signed AFTER the ceremony and then turned in by the officiant so that you can obtain your marriage certificate. Just want you to be clear on that, of course depending on where you live.
Post # 16
This is absolute nonsense. You are both adults! It’s not as if he’s 18 and you’re 24. This woman needs to give it a rest!
Is it appropriate for a younger man to marry an older woman?
Yes, absolutely. No question.
Is it appropriate for us to have sex and live together after we sign the marriage license?
Of course! When you sign the papers, you’re married in the eyes of the law right? So, you’d technically be married at that point. But still, you’re adults, and you have the freedom to live together and have sex regardless!
Is it appropriate if we keep insisting to get married? We’ve been in a relationship for 6 years.
The fact that you’ve been together for 6 years makes me feel like his side of the family just refuses to like you for some reason. What’s the real issue here? Is it just the fact that he was 20 and you were 26 when you first started dating? I suppose I could see THAT putting “a bad taste in their mouths” so to speak…but after 6 years you’d think that they’d be over it by now.
Is it common for parents-in-law to be against the relationship because of age difference?
Not really. I hate to say it, but when you marry someone, you kinda marry their family too. Here’s hoping you sort out your relationship with them, and fast. If this situation can’t be repaired, hopefully your fiance will still want to get married without his family’s blessing. Maybe they will come around sometime down the road?
Best of luck.