(Closed) Is it bad etiquette to invite peps to the engagement and not the wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would say, yes (it can be rude) but I don’t know the etiquette of it.  I know you can’t invite someone to a wedding shower and not invite them to the wedding.

If I was a guest at your engagement party, I would probably tell you that I’m looking forward to your wedding. And probably be dissapointed when I don’t get an invite.

Plus, I think some people give you gifts.

The exception would be if your parents or your coworkers suprised you with an engagement party.

Oh and congrats.  Welcome!

Bees here are nice and are very helpful with any other questions you have.

And, you’ll still see some married bees who still linger here… like me. lol

 

Post # 4
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh, I do know some people who couldn’t afford to invite everyone to reception but instead they invited everyone to the church but only a select group went to the reception.  I don’t know the logistics of it.

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i dont know about etiquette but i have been invited to engagement parties and not to the wedding and ive not had a issue with it – of course not everyone is like me so i would expect comments from guests at some point because weddings seem to bring out the peanut gallery crowd

and welcome to WB

 

Post # 6
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

yay, another Aussie bride 🙂 congrats on your engagement. Normally if I was invited to an engagement party, I would expect to be invited to the wedding as well. I would probably be a bit confused otherwise. BUT, I have a friend who was in exactly your situation. What they did was on their engagement invites they made a note that they were keeping their wedding *very* small (about 30 people I think), and so this engagement party was their way of being able to celebrate with everyone. It’s a similar idea to having the big reception at home after your smaller wedding, you’re just doing it *before* the wedding instead. I wouldn’t say anything about the gifts on the invitations, just use word of mouth. Some people are going to give you things anyway 🙂

Post # 7
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s kind of rude to invite someone to a formal engagement party before the wedding and not to the wedding itself. I think a good alternative, if you want to have a big party and an intimate wedding, is to throw the party after the wedding. That way there is no confusion about people thinking you are “gift-grabbing.” Is it possible to witch up the party order?

Post # 8
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I invited people to our engagement party that I won’t be inviting to our wedding… and I don’t feel bad about it! At the time of the engagement party I was at uni and invited people from school – that was over a year ago now. Our wedding is in November and uni is over so I don’t think I’ll be inviting those people because honestly, I’m not sure we’ll keep in touch. And I think that if they did get an invite in the mail they might think it was a bit random but would probably accept anyway cos they don’t want to be rude – how awkward for everyone!  I stick by the theory that you should only have people you really care about at your wedding and I plan on sending invites out based on this, rather than what etiquette dictates is the right thing to do! But that’s just me! LOL

Post # 9
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think the etiquette rule on this one is that if you’re invited to the engagement party, then you’re also invited to the wedding.  However, there might be a caveat if you want to have a really large engagement party, but then a really small intimate wedding.  As long as you make it clear that the wedding is going to be quite small, then I think it’s ok in that case.

Post # 10
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Formal Etiquette says that you do not invite anyone to pre-wedding celebrations (showers, engagement parties etc.) that are not invited to the wedding.

I personally have been invited to engagement parties and then surprised when a wedding invitation never came – not a good feeling.

A better idea would to hold an informal celebration after the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m with the majority here with a no on the idea, unless you take a suggestion up above about wording or doing it post wedding. If you are having the wedding in the states, but the engagement party is in Australia, I think you do have much more leeway to just say, hey, this is the opportunity to celebrate. If both are in Australia, not as easy to swing without stepping on toes.

 

Post # 15
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Here is an idea: don’t host it.

If you are having this engagement party to meet people, have your Future Mother-In-Law host it as a welcome and meet/greet party. Keep it to family and family friends. Don’t call it an engagement party. Make it explicit you don’t want gifts. If you do those things, I can’t see any offense.

Post # 16
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

congratulations on getting engaged and welcome to weddingbee!

can you have an intimate engagement party as well so you don’t have to worry about who’s not invited to the wedding? i guess i tend toward the opinion that if you’re invited to the engagement party, you should be invited to the wedding.

if you are definite in wanting a larger engagement party, then the wedding, and then a large informal reception post-wedding, i think the wording you suggested or something similar to that makes sense. some people might be offended by the obvious hint that they’re not going to be invited to the wedding, but you can’t please everyone!

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