(Closed) Is it bad etiquette…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it bad etiquette not to invite her?
    Yes : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Sort of : (3 votes)
    10 %
    No : (26 votes)
    84 %
    Complicated - let me explain : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t think you have to invite her if you don’t want to. 

    Post # 4
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Nope and nope.

    Post # 5
    46420 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Life is not reciprocal. If everyone had to extend invitations to those who had invited them, their circle of friends would never change or enlarge. The same people would be going to every event.

    Post # 7
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee

    Etiquette requires two things of you after someone hosts you to a social event: that you send a note of thanks the next day (colloquially referred to as a “bread and butter letter”); and that sometime within the same season, that you return the invitation to some entertainment of a similar scale. So yes, you ARE supposed to return the invitation somehow. BUT …

    Note first that the return invitation is due in the same season: just as with sailors all debts are paid when the ship sails, with etiquette all visiting obligations are cancelled at the end of each season. So unless she was just married this season, you’re in the clear. Second, note that the obligation is for an “entertainment of similar scale”, not “the same entertainment in reverse”. A bachelorette is about equivalent to a night out at the bar. So if you did that or something similar in the season of her own bachelorette, you already paid your dues. Third and most important: a bachelorette is rarely a formal entertainment hosted by the bride. In fact, her friends generally end up going together and hosting *her*. If that is what you did, then REALLY no social debt was incurred. I think you can relax and not worry.

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