Post # 1
I’m MOHing for a friend who’s getting married this spring, and she’s been giving me and her other bridesmaids the details of how she wants us to look. She asked me a few days ago how I wanted to do my hair and offered to book (but not pay for) an appointment at her salon for me. I asked her to check on the salon’s prices — where I come from, you can get your hair styled for around $30, but she lives in a city, and I know some city salons can run $60+. I told her that I’m pretty good at doing a nice half-up-do on myself, but I didn’t know if that’s what she’d want.
She let me know that she wanted me to have an up-do. I’ve never really put my hair in an updo on a regular basis, so I’m not that skilled at it, but at this point, I really can’t afford to pay that much more — she’s asking me to buy jewelry, and she’s said before that she wants me to go get a pro spray-tan for her wedding. I want to accomodate her vision as much as possible, but my own Fiance and I are so crunched for money right now that we’re both looking for second jobs.
Still, I feel like I should have sucked it up and just agreed to let her book me… was it rude of me to ask her to let me do it myself?
Post # 3
No, doing your own hair is not rude – especially with all she is asking you to do.
Post # 4
If she wants your hair done a very certain way that you can’t do yourself, then she should pay. Ditto on the spray tan and the jewelry.
ETA: I actually can’t believe the spray tan bit, that’s bordering on making a bridesmaid change her hair colour or cover up a non-offensive tattoo…
Post # 4
No, practice and do it yourself. Especially if she’s asking you to spend money on a lot of other things something so small shouldn’t be a big deal. Just be honest with her and tell you’ll do everything you can to make it look awesome (within your budget).
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s rude at all and I would totally let you do what you want with your hair. I know some brides are very particular about ALL the details though. Does your friend know about your financial situation? Maybe let her know that you’re saving every penny you can and that you really can’t afford to pay for the hair. Also, do all the BMs have long hair? Is it possible that one of the others has short and won’t have an updo (then maybe you could do your own hair with a half-up and it won’t really matter).
I would definitely recommend talking to your friend and just be honest with the financial situation you’re in.
Post # 6
wow she’s asking a bit much of you, in my opinion. dictating a tan and jewelry purchase goes a bit above and beyond. honestly, if she’s requesting you all have a particular hair style (which i also think is a bit ridic), she should pay for the appt herself. sorry, sweety, sounds like you’ve got a bit of a control freak bride to be on your hands.
Post # 7
the only time i think it is ok to say anything about the bridesmaid’s hair style when you aren’t paying is to ask them not to wear the same as the bride. to me, that seems fair.
Post # 8
The spray tan bit really irks me. I’m pale by nature, I don’t think that a person needs a tan to look good in photos. I would much rather my friends look like THEMSELVES in my photos. Phew…had to get that out. I don’t think it’s rude to do your own hair.
Post # 9
Are you going to be very far from home for the wedding? I’m sure she would let you have it done at your own salon for cheaper before you get there. If that’s not possible because of distance, I don’t think it’s a problem at all to tell her you can’t afford to have it done. She’ll either let you do it yourself or pay for you if it’s important to her, it’s win-win! 🙂
There are lots of magazines and online tutorials (youtube and such) that you can use to teach yourself or copy if you want to get a little practice in like kala suggested.
Post # 10
Wow she’s quite rude a spray tan? Wow. And usually brides buy their party jewelry they want them to wear. She seems very demanding.
Its not rude to say you want to do it yourself.
I asked when I was Maid/Matron of Honor, she said no, but she’s from the middle of nowhere so it was only 25$
Post # 11
I think what you should do is sit down and talk with her and tell her your problem. Tell her that you really want to do everything she asks and you really want her day to be special but that you simply can’t afford it. Ask her to pick the most important thing and tell her you will do that one. For example, you will get an up do but do without the jewelry and tanning.
I think when you point it out that way the tanning would be the first thing to go. Also, maybe if you look around online you can find some nice jewelry for half the cost of what she wants you to get!
Post # 12
Have her send you some pictures of what she has in mind and practice. I wanted a complicated updo for my wedding and did not want to have it done (I have curly hair and generally having someone else do it = disaster!), so I practiced a few times and got it exactly right for my wedding day. You can totally do it yourself!
Post # 13
some brides are more uptight than others – i had booked appointments for all my girls (not paying) and then they all huddled around at my shower and said they are going to wear it down and flat iron it – perfectly fine with me – they all have lovely long hair. im doing mine up – the only thing that upsets me is that ill be at my hair appointment all alone – but i’d rather not have them spend more money than they have to. they are all meeting up with me to do makeup at MAC – this is something they were all willing and wanted to spend money on but i would have been ok with them doing their own makeup to – but thats just me 🙂
Post # 14
ditto to what linguo42 said
Post # 15
It’s completely rude of the bride to be telling you you have to spend all that…updos are expensive and if she’s insisting on a certain look, she should pay for it. As well as the spray tan. I’m sorry again ridiculous. I’d say no on both counts. Oh and the jewelry, if she has specific jewelry you need to wear that should be part of your gift.