Post # 1
Hi bees! I’ll try to keep this short. Basically, my future Mother-In-Law is a real handful. Fiance is an expert at dealing with her by now and I love him for it! But she is who she is, and because of her overbearing/over the top/inappropriate behavior and control issues, I did not invite her dress shopping. Quite frankly, she would have totally spoiled it and I would have had anxiety and not enjoyed the experience. Now my fittings are quickly approaching and I’m wondering… do I need to invite her to a fitting? When I first went dress shopping and didn’t want to bring her, people had said to me “ehhh just invite her to a fitting if you feel like you need to include her.” But now that the fittings are almost here…. I don’t want her there either. It’s hard to describe her, but she’s just the world’s most stressful person. She needs to be in control of everything, she doesn’t take “no” for an answer, she’s sooo overbearing. Just your classic Mother-In-Law haha. So my question is, is it bad if she doesn’t see my dress before the wedding? Would that make me an awful DIL?
(To be clear, my Fiance completely supports my decisions and agreed she shouldn’t come dress shopping. He has said that whatever I want to do is completely fine, he just wants me to enjoy myself and he knows she will make that difficult. He knows how she is and they argue all the time because she refuses to back off when he says no to something.)
Post # 2
i went dress shopping with my mom only. then my Maid/Matron of Honor came to my final fitting to learn how to do the bustle. no one else saw the dress until my wedding day.
Post # 3
I also went shopping with just my mom and went by myself for the fittings. There’s no reason your fmil needs to go to any of it.
Post # 4
Mine isn’t seeing mine before the wedding. But then again, she hasn’t asked to see it. I don’t think that makes you a bad DIL – the Mother-In-Law just traditionally has very little to do with anything bridal, whether she is a monster or an angel. It’s only in recent times that the Mother-In-Law is commonly seen in the wedding entourage when brides pick their gowns and stuff.
If she asks, I plan to say that I’m going the traditional route and only my mother and sister (MoH) are seeing the dress before the wedding day, and never bring it up again XD
Post # 5
I guess I never thought showing my Mother-In-Law my dress needed to be a thing? She saw it on the wedding day just like everyone else. I think you’re creating drama where there really isn’t any because she overwhelms you.
Post # 6
I included Mother-In-Law in dress shopping but SIL did not. I know Mother-In-Law was hurt by SIL but she never said anything and it never turned into a thing. 3 years later and their relationship is probably no different than it would have been.
Mother-In-Law has only sons which is why I felt it important to include her, personally.
If your Mother-In-Law is the type to hold a grudge I’d probably include her. Or schedule a separate appt to show her if possible
Post # 7
There’s no reason for your Mother-In-Law to have any involvement in your dress shopping/fittings/etc. It sounds like if she’s invovled she will take it as a license to have opinions and think she has the right to make decisions, so keep her out of the loop to keep your sanity.
Post # 8
There is no obligation whatsoever to take your mother in law dress shopping or to show her the dress ahead of time.
Post # 9
campingbee54 : my Mother-In-Law didn’t come dress shopping with me or to any of the fittings. We get along just fine, but it just wasn’t necessary for her to be there. I never invited, she never asked.
Post # 10
I showed Mother-In-Law and SIL my dress, the dress I LOVE and bought by myself years ago in anticipation…….their response was lackluster. It was really disappointing and I regret showing them. I know it shouldn’t matter because I love the dress, but it hurt.
Post # 11
My Mother-In-Law did not come dress shopping/fitting. I just had my mom/sister. I did send her and my other bridesmaids a picture of me in the dress I ended up choosing. I think that did make everyone who didn’t come feel in the loop and included.
Post # 12
I don’t think it’s bad if she get’s surprised on the wedding day. Just spin it positively if she ask. My Mother-In-Law saw the dress before I purchased it and she is attending fittings because she is a former seamstress. I trust her opinion and she is never been anything less than helpful.
Post # 13
This is going to probably be the only wedding for my Mother in Law, so I decided to include her, (Plus we have an OK relationship). However, it is absolutely NOT necessary. If you don’t want to include her, then don’t. She doesn’t need to be there.
Post # 14
Thanks everyone for the input! I feel better hearing all of this. Where I am from, most brides invite their Mother-In-Law to a fitting if they didn’t invite them dress shopping (everyone I know anyways). Plus I lost my own mom 2 years ago, so Mother-In-Law tends to “assume” that she gets the mom stuff with me now, which is super frustrating.
She has seen a picture of my dress, it wasn’t worth the drama of not showing her. So she knows what it looks like. I did not send her the picture because I know she would have texted it to everyone on the guest list, that’s just how she is. She will have to just see it on me the day of. I know she will be disappointed because she’s hinted at wanting to see it on me, but oh well.
Post # 15
my Mother-In-Law is like this.
I did not invite her to a fitting, or anyone else for that matter. Keep fittings between you and the seamstress, you’ll get the best results that way imo, especially if you think she’d ‘take charge’ of your fitting.