(Closed) Is it bad too marry a man on his second marriage.

posted 5 years ago in Encore
Post # 4
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I think it depends on why the first marriage failed but it doesn’t automatically mean he’s a bad person or husband. My parents got divorced and one of the reasons is that my dad cheated, however he remarried to my stepmother and they haven’t had any issues in over 10 years. He and my mom were too young when they got married so they grew apart as they realized each other’s differences.

Post # 5
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is my Fiance second and my first. My FI’s first wife cheated on him with his bestfriend so I dont consider it a bad thing that he was married before. We are so much alike because we both waited before we got into the dating game again.

We both prayed and had the faith to wait until God sent us what we prayed for and it was the best thing for us. We took the time to decide what we really wanted before we started dating. I met him online and we wouldnt have met if it werent for the internet.

Loving him is the easiest thing I will ever do because he is everything I wanted in a mate. All he wants to do is love me and take care of me. He is strong and sensitive for the first time in my life I feel the love he has for me.

We truly compliment each other because we have so much in common. Our birthdays are a day apart which make it a little challenging because we are both strong minded but he knows how to handle me and vice versa.

Post # 8
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@mrsedwardslpn:  Sometimes relationships don’t work out, and no one should judge or make snide comments. This is my second marriage coming up, Fiance and his family all well aware of that and about the awful hard time that was for me – they all seem peachy keen on the whole marriage. So you know, I think the people making those comments are insenstive to yuu and your Fiance. You know why you want to marry him, and don’t let haters get in the way of that. Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My mother (1st marriage) married my father (his 3rd marriage). 

They got married at a courthouse and when the lady saw that it was my fathers third marraige she looked at my mom and said “Honey, if I were you I’d run away”. 

Luckily my mom didn’t take that HORRIBLE ladies advice, because they have been married for almost 27 years. 

Just because it didnt work out the first time for him doesn’t mean it won’t work the second time. It might even mean it would have a greater chance of working out because he knows what he wants out of a marriage and knows that they can fail.

People suck, don’t let them judge.

Post # 10
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mrsedwardslpn:  I think this is a case-by-case thing. This is my first marriage and my FH’s second marriage. Just like your FH, his ex-wife cheated on him, disregarded his feelings, and made him feel like he was less-than a full human being. I don’t thnk it would be fair to him and I could not justify not marrying him, simply because he tried mariage the first time and it didn’t work. He is truly my soulmate and the epitome of a great man. 

However, I will say that his family knows that this is his second marriage, but most of mine do not simply because I wanted to avoid the “run the other way,” “are you sure,” “he tried once already” remarks. People can give a lot of inpiut when they are not asked and their advice is not needed. 

Post # 11
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SweetartMD:  yay to your mom following her own mind and not listening to that advice and to their 27 years of marriage!

Post # 12
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@SimplyKia:  Oh, i left out the WORST part! After they were married by the judge (or whoever does it) they left to go and she heard him say to the lady (who was there as a witness) “Well, I give THAT 3 months….” 

Some people just SUCK! 

Post # 13
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SweetartMD:  Yes! They were all probably living miserable lives, so they had to find the negative in a beautiful situation! Shame on them. 

Post # 14
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Gosh, I hope not, this will be my FI’s third!  But I also understand why his first two didn’t work out, even if he doesn’t.  He completely blames them, of course, but I know there are two sides to every story.  I did some research.  No, I didn’t go talk to the exes.  I listened to him tell me what happened to his marriage.  I mean really listened.  For example:  “She complained that I didn’t give enough affection.”  This let me know that he’s not an affectionate person, actually, really more confirmed.  I already knew that.  but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, nor does it mean that I can’t get him to be more affectionate.  Communication is key- all the way.  We have currently been together longer than both of his previous marriages combined, but am still aways looking for new ways to improve our relationship.  I just finished a book- “The Five Love Languages”.  I am referring everyone I know to that book.  I also read “The Love Dare” last year.  great read.

Post # 15
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think only we can decide what is wrong or right for us.

 

There is nothing wrong with marrying someone that has been married before. At all. My Fiance has been married before and his ex cheated on him. He took that experience and is learning how to make different choices and do different things in this relationship. He’s obviously not responsible for her behavior but he does admit to not doing some things himself. He sees his faults.

But really only you can choose who you want to marry.

Post # 16
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

The best thing I can say is that no matter what, people will always find something to say. Always. It’s easier said than done, but don’t stress – only you two know what is best. 

 

Sure, stats will say that people who have been divorced once are more likely to divorce again, but that’s not truth for everyone. My partner and I were each married before, but we know that this is different. My maternal grandparents were each married once before (and this was in the late 40s when divorce wasn’t as common). People said all kinds of nonesense. They lasted over 40 years. My dad is on wife number 3 and… well, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a 4 (or hell, 5). My mom remarried an amazing guy who had never been married. I’ve heard more crap about him never being married than my situation! 

 

In the stereotypical romantic world, your partner wouldn’t have been married before. But mistakes happen. They shape us. 

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