Is it common courtesy to ask future SIL (sister in law) to be a bridesmaid?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1446 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am! We’ve only met once, we are FB friends too, and my FI’s brother will be in the wedding, so I feel guilty leaving her out. I’m curious to see what other people have to say…

Post # 4
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

From the “I asked” side… I’m not super close to my Future Sister-In-Law, but I have known her a long time and I do like her, so I asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. My other two are my sister (MOH) and my best friend, who’s like my sister. My line of reasoning was, then I would have all three of my sisters up there with me. FWIW, I’m really happy that I asked her.

post-edit: On the other hand, FH didn’t ask any of my brothers to be on his side, and everyone was good with that too.

Post # 5
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I am not asking either of my FSILs to be part of the wedding, and I am getting somewhat close to one of them.  However, I also have three sisters, and I’m ONLY having a Maid/Matron of Honor, so two of my own sisters aren’t in it.  I HATED being a bridesmaid the two times I did it, so I didn’t want to inflict that pain on anyone else, but decided I needed a “point” person to be the main contact because all of my sisters still wanted to help.

Post # 6
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I asked one of my three SILs. I wanted to have my best guy friend (besides my husband, obviously!) in the wedding party, and my husband didn’t like the idea of a bridesman, so my best friend was a groomsman and my husband’s sister was a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 7
Member
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Nope you do not have to ask FSIL’s to be BM’s. You can have whoever you want.

Post # 9
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think it was expected from me but I thought it would be a good way to bond and get to know her better. She’s really excited about being a part of it and it shows that you’re willing to make an effort and have a desire to become a part of the family

Post # 10
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’re not obligated to, but if future SIL isn’t unpleasant and supports you as a couple, it can be a very politic move to include her in your bridal party.  Mr Cappugcino and I aren’t having any attendents, but I’m planning to ask his sister to do a reading or some other little task that warrants a corsage and makes her feel included.

Post # 11
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

No, you don’t have to. You don’t have to have anyone you don’t want in your wedding party.

Post # 12
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I usually think it’s good to as the Future Sister-In-Law because IMO siblings should be in the wedding in some way. You’ll always have family, but friends come and go. Plus, it might make your FH happy to have his family in the wedding. It’s not an obligation though. If she’s not a Bridesmaid or Best Man then maybe incorporate her in some other way, ie. pass out programs or cut the cake, I dunno.

Post # 13
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Kamazing: I can speak as a bee but also as a Future Sister-In-Law. My Future Brother-In-Law is getting married next month and I am on good terms with him and my Future Sister-In-Law. My fiance is best man but I have been asked to do nothing. Not going to lie, I was/am a little hurt by this. All the brides sisters and sister-in laws are in the wedding party. 

I think if you are including everyone else in the family and are on friendly terms with your Future Sister-In-Law, it’s only a good move to consider including her somehow. Whether that be in readings or handing out programs, I would consider keeping her a part of your day. It’s super awkward for me to be around their family and be the only one who has nothing to do. Even if you don’t want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, it can’t hurt to ask for help somewhere else. I would highly suggest it! 

Post # 14
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Of course you don’t have to, but I always think it’s a good idea.

I had the same kind of relationship with my Future Sister-In-Law. We are FB friends, but we don’t really hang out or anything. When we are both at FIL’s house, we get along. She’s a nice person, we just don’t have much in common. Anyways, I figured… she is FI’s only sibling and she will be my sister too one day, so I asked her. She was actually THRILLED that I asked her and we’ve become much closer because of it.

Post # 15
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

I did, but we’ve become pretty close over the past 5+ years Darling Husband and I have been together.  It’s a personal choice, but always a nice gesture unless you don’t get along for some reason.

Post # 16
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I did not. I, personally, am very non-traditional and refused to do anything simply because it is expected. My SIL is a bit of a nutjob, and I did not want any unneeded stress, besides, we are friendly but we’re not that close.

We did ask her to do a reading, as did my brother. My sister was a Bridesmaid or Best Man because she’s my bestie, not out of obligation.

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