(Closed) Is it common courtesy to ask future SIL (sister in law) to be a bridesmaid?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I did not ask my Future Sister-In-Law to stand with me.  I had picked my friends and sister who I wanted to stant up with me.  My Future Sister-In-Law is doing our flowers as well and we talked about it after the fact and she said she probably would have said no if I asked just because of her responsibilities with the flowers.  We get along great though and talk about the wedding all the time. 

 

Post # 48
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2012

in my opinion, it depends on the groomsmen. my Fiance decided that he wanted his closest friends at the altar with him on the day-of, and i did the same. he didn’t have input on my bridesmaids and i didn’t on his groomsmen. instead, we have siblings doing readings at the ceremony bc, of course, we want them to be a part!

Post # 49
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it’s a nice gesture and can be a good step toward a good relationship.

I don’t think it’s necessary.

It depends on your relationship with her. If you hate each other then no.

It depends on your FI’s opinion. If he doesn’t want/care/expect his sister to be in it, you can chat about it. My Fiance didn’t expect it but thought it was a nice idea. I know that if I had a brother I’d want him in it.

It also depends on your wedding. If you’re having only one or two BM’s then it’s really not necessary, if you’re having 9 then….it would seem weird not to.

Post # 51
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s a personal choice, I don’t think it’s a rule/requirement. Whilst my brothers wife asked me to be a bridesmaid, I wouldn’t ask my fiance’s older sister (I might consider the younger one, as long as it doesn’t look mean on the older one) because I know she would be a royal pain in the a**!

At the end of the day, it’s your choice. Don’t feel you have to and don’t feel bad if it’s not what you really want.

Post # 52
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

I didn’t extend the offer to my Future Sister-In-Law. I’ve only met her a few times and she seems nice, but I don’t know her that well. Besides, my Fiance doesn’t really like his sister and its already pushing it for him that she’s even invited!

Post # 53
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Maybe for some, I’d say it depends on the Bride. For me, I wanted to have her apart of it. She’s the only sister of 4, so when would she get the opportunity next and I adore her! xo

Post # 54
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t have a Future Sister-In-Law to include in my wedding party but my SIL asked me to be a bridesmaid years ago, and I can say I was very grateful she did. I got to stand up with her and my brother as they exchanged vows and it meant the world to me to be included.

Post # 55
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was in the exact same situation, OP- was friendly with Future Sister-In-Law but rarely saw her and we’d never had a deep conversation or anything. I decided to ask her, partly because I thought she might expect it and didn’t want to cause family problems right away, and partly because I thought it would help me get to know her better, and I’m an only child and I’m a bit excited to have a sister.

She was really surprised and excited when I asked, and she’s been a lot of fun so far. I think it’s a good bonding opportunity for us but I don’t think it was absolutely necessary.

Post # 56
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be in my wedding… my Fiance only has one sister and I didn’t want her to feel left out. The Fiance mentioned to me that she was wondering if I was going to ask her so especially after that, I felt it was better to just include her and not start off on the wrong foot with his family. We get along fine but also don’t see too much of each other except for family get-togethers so maybe this will bring us a little closer. I thought she might be a bit difficult but she is turning out to be very supportive and helpful so I am happy with my decision to have her in the wedding party and I know my Fiance is happy. I felt like it was the right thing to do but that is just me.

I think it also depends on how many sisters and/or friends you are planning on having in your wedding party. If you have many sisters and friends and want a smaller wedding party and you don’t want to include her, I’m sure she would understand although maybe giving her an explanation would show her that you were thinking of her but you wanted to keep your party small. I hope I was helpful! 🙂

Post # 57
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I just read your post indicating that you already decided so disregard my post!!! Glad you were able to come up with a decision you and your future hubs are happy about!! 

Post # 58
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think you should be fine as long as she is recognized as the sister and given some important role. It could even be something smaller like doing a reading or helping seat guests.

Post # 59
Member
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s surprising to me that I didn’t see anyone suggest the groom have the sister on his side (ok, I started skimming posts, but still).  To me, the bridesmaids are meant to be those who are closest to you.  The groomsmen are meant to be those closest to the groom.  I’ve only my SIL a few times (she lived in a different country the past few years), so I hardly know her.  While I respect those who choose to ask based on anticipating a future relationship, to me, the place for my future SIL would most appropriately be on my FI’s side just as the place for my brother would be on my side – and gender rules be damned.  (FI prefers to keep groomsmen all male, so we’ll likely not include either.)

Post # 60
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Future Mother-In-Law flat out told me I had to include my Future Sister-In-Law in my bridal party. I like both of them- so I invited Future Sister-In-Law. It’s not going to do any harm… if I didn’t like her I would have stood my ground though. Luckily she is a sweet girl. I would advise others to decide on including Future Sister-In-Law based on family expectations and how nice the Future Sister-In-Law is lol. Weddings are a lot about family pleasing… I would probably have said years ago, “forget waiting 3+ years, let elope” if it weren’t for family I care about.

Post # 61
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I asked my Future Sister-In-Law, and I think she would have been REALLY hurt if I hadn’t. But I like her a lot, so I wouldn’t have had it any other way! She’s about to be family.

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