- 6 months ago
- Wedding: September 2018
We’re continuing to TTC and have no qualms about it. But we haven’t had any luck since miscarrying in 2018 and are older.
We’re continuing to TTC and have no qualms about it. But we haven’t had any luck since miscarrying in 2018 and are older.
Apart from all the medical side there is the support and emotional side. We will have zero help where we had awesome grandparent support with our daughter. Our parents will meet their grandson over video chat and we have no idea when they will get to see him in person and hold him.
Lastly, and I don’t mean to offend, but someone who swings from wanting c-section to a home birth doesn’t sound like someone who has done proper research or soul searching on this topic.
It doesn’t matter what other people think is crazy. If you are ready and financially and emotionally secure and feel it’s the right time for you, you do you. If you are anxious and uncomfortable and not ready because of the virus, you do you. There isn’t a right answer.
Maternity care and access differ all across the country. I have friends that conceived right away and others that took three years. Nothing is guaranteed. You just have to make the right decision for you.
Right in this moment? Yes. Wait a few months. The issue with TTC right now isn’t that things will still be just like this in 9-10 months. Things won’t be just like this unless we’re very, very unlucky. Even if we have a flu-season resurgence of COVID, it shouldn’t be this bad, and we should have some treatments. We should also be within striking distance of a vaccine by then (it would have worked it’s way through various trials, and we’d hopefully be within 2-5 months of it being available). So, that’s not the problem.
The problem is what happens NOW. There’s no research on COVID in early pregnancy, but high fevers are a big risk to a fetus and may cause damage or miscarriage. If you have an ectopic pregnancy, or severe morning sickness requiring IV/meds, you’d be in a hospital that may still be full of COVID patients.
Beyond that, there’s the short to medium term financial ramifications. Are you and your husbands jobs safe in all of this? Can you say that FOR SURE? My husband has always had a VERY stable job (niche, lots of education to get it) and due to all that’s going on, he may be indirectly impacted thanks to budget cuts caused by all of this and not get his position renewed later this year. Something we NEVER saw coming.
In short, I know how much it sucks. We went into 2020 with a few once-in-a-lifetime trips planned, were going to buy a house, and were going to start TTC late spring/early summer. I’m still sad about all of it, and it feels unfair. But when every pregnant person I see is screaming from the rooftops to wait a few more months, that means a lot in my book.
I think it’s a little unfair to say it’s “crazy” or “irresponsible”. We found out we were expecting (planned) about 2 weeks before shit hit the fan with Covid. My first appointment at a little over 8 weeks is a video call and my husband can’t come to the ultrasound. Other than that we are just as excited as we would have otherwise been. Honestly I feel like everyone around me is more nervous about it than I am. Anxiety running through my veins is more damaging to my baby right now than anything so I’m choosing joy and calm. Everyone has to make the choice that feels right to them. Different areas of the country seem like completely different situations in terms of the level of pandemic they are seeing. Death and disease have been around since the beginning of time and will continue to be around while women are pregnant. No one has the right answer to this question. Had I not gotten pregnant right when we did would we delay? Maybe but maybe not. I have friends that are continuing to try since it’s already taken them 5 cycles and I have friends that are delaying. I don’t judge either of them. 🤷🏻♀️
I am 35.5 weeks right now, so set to be due during the predicted peak in my region (mid May) – yay!
I had to do IUI to get pregnant both times, so I wouldn’t have the option to decide, if it was me. But my husband and I have still discussed and we would hold off, at least for a while. We wouldn’t want to put more pressure on the health system on purpose in the middle of this. With my first, I had BAD anxiety all the way through, and I would not have dealt with fewer appointments/checks well over the first half. I am healthy, general low risk, but still needed an extra 5 ultrasounds in the third trimester last time. So far, I’m set to have 2 extra this time, then we shall see (if I am able to get my next one on Wednesday). This has thrown off all our plans for child care leading up to/after our second arrives, I know we won’t be able to have physical family support anymore, etc.
On just sort of a practical note, early pregnancy feels like it takes forever for lots of people in general. I imagine it would feel even longer if you were isolated and worried about developing a fever.
If you can wait a year you’ll likely have the benefit of a Covid-19 vaccine, a more available/accessible healthcare system and a better grip on the economic consequences of our current crisis. I had a number of unanticipated complications with my second pregnancy–I can’t imagine having to be in and out of the ER and hospital right now.
All my best wishes to all the Bees navigating pregnancy and babies in this surreal time.
I would if I was 35+.
I think it highly depends on your situation.
It took us over a year and 4 miscarriages before we got pregnant with a healthy baby. I’m 21 weeks now and yes, being pregnant during this pandemic has many downsides and is really scary. Would I have wanted to stop trying? Probably not, but I’m really fortunate in my situation that both my husband and I get to keep our jobs and work from home full time. Maybe I would postpone one month or two to see how things go. If I was an essential worker, I would probably stop trying for now unless I was older or had known fertiliy issues.
You have to ask yourself a lot of questions – are you okay with your partner not coming to ultrasounds? Are you okay with skipping appointments? Are you okay with going to the ER during the pandemic if something bad happens, like an ecoptic pregnancy or complicated miscarriage? Are you okay with getting less prenatal care, especially at the beginning when you’d normally be testing hcg and the miscarriage rate is higher?
Are you okay with not having a baby shower, or your family not getting to meet the baby for a while if this goes on for a lot longer? Are you AND your partner able to stay at home all the time to avoid risking getting covid, and if not are you okay with the fact that they don’t really know what complications/birth defects covid could cause to the fetus yet? Are you okay with potentially having to give birth alone, if this does continue for 9+ months?
I don’t think it’s necessarily crazy, but given your circumstances I’d think really, really hard if it’s work the risk. Your free summer has been cancelled for a reason. Doing a whole pregnancy without leaving your own house is not good.
People are losing jobs. Hospitals are crowded, staff is overworked. But the worse problem I see is the loneliness the lack of emotional support. Would you be willing to go through pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood alone with (and in some cases, without) your husband? No friends, no family, no hugs and kisses, no help, no post-partum support groups, just you and your loneliness. It can be extremely hard even if everything goes well – even harder if something goes wrong. Hospitals everywhere are banning visitors in the wards, incuding delivery rooms.
I’m a midwife and I find it devastating, even knowing that it’s done for my safety too. I’m caring for women who just lost their babies, women who go through traumatic births, women suffering from anxiety or depression… would you be willing to go through this alone, unable to see your husbands for days or weeks or even months, just because you didn’t feel like waiting a bit more?
Are we friends in real life? Your logic/timeline sounds very similar to mine! Summer 2019 was my last fun, free summer, with 8 weddings (6 out of town), 3 girls trips, 2 big trips with my husband, and being busy with something every single weekend. And then in the fall we started trying.
I am currently 25 weeks pregnant and so far haven’t had many changes to my care. We were able to do our anatomy scan the day before restrictions took hold, and there were no alterations to that appointment. My 24 week appointment was via phone, but in my practice that is a simple appointment more for questions and discussion. I realize that as I progress and restrictions stay in place, more changes to my appointments and preparations will be made. Since this is my first child I’m not as aware of how things would have been normally, which helps, but it is worrisome that there are a lot of unknowns.
I totally see why it’s tempting to be pregnant while you are stuck at home/on a reduced social schedule anyway, but seeing comments from the second time moms and those who are further along about how different things are than they were 2 months ago would scare me a bit. I would think long and hard about if it makes sense in general given all the information, not just because of the one positive factor.
If this were the fall we had planned to get pregnant, I think I would probably start ntnp now, given my age. But if I were 31 or younger I think I would wait a few months to see.
I had a friggin baby during quarantine. Doesn’t get more crazy than that.
Personally I wouldn’t feel held back from conceiving during this time. But that’s probably because I went through actual childbirth and I think that’s a heck of a lot more scary. Conception is just conception, and as long as you stay smart and quarantined like any non-pregnant human being, I wouldn’t tell you to not conceive. Who knows? Might take you several months to actually succeed anyway.
I wouldn’t call it crazy, but I would be aware of how much more stressful it can be – especially if you are prone to anxiety.
It took me 2.5 years, 2 MMC, 3 IUIs, and 2 FETS to get to this point so naturally my anxiety was already high. What I was hoping would be a fairly straightforward pregnancy turned into surprise identical twins. Now at 22 weeks I’m dealing with the potential of going inpatient in the hospital (with no visitors, not even my husband for what could be months), having micro-premies, or potentially losing both. Dealing with this without Covid would’ve been nerve wracking on a good day. Now I am attending appointments and getting this news alone, all while also trying to avoid exposure as much as possible. This isn’t meant to scare you, just so you are aware that complications can happen and are much harder to deal with right now.
I wouldn’t have put TTC on hold though after dealing with infertility (although I know most people currently dealing with it aren’t really being given a choice), but in a situation where I was only 30 with no proof I would have fertility problems I likely would choose to wait at least a couple months.
If it were me personally, I’d wait. God forbid complications arose and you needed emergency medical treatment…our healthcare system is overwhelmed as it is.
(I’m in a hotspot county in ny and medical staff are dying everyday, these people aren’t expendable. They also said if you have no pulse-they aren’t coming to try and bring you back, people saying their last goodbyes over the phone,running out of morgue space and no funerals etc.) that is on top of people losing their jobs and not being able to see their family and friends, a recession looming overhead. I don’t mean to to scare you, just maybe point out some points you hadn’t thought about yet or far enough.
I’m not sure where you are located but if the virus hits your area or the surrounding areas bad, the only medical treatment may be limited to extreme potential for loss of life ie; severe covid/heart attack/stroke etc… you really don’t want to be in a hospital right now if you don’t need to be. Like everyone is saying, prepare and expect for the worst but hope for the best.
I wish you luck with you decision no matter the outcome, stay safe and well!
Personally I’d probably wait a couple months and then reassess, but I wouldn’t be waiting indefinitely. It’s such a personal thing and I don’t think it’s fair to label someone “crazy” because they’re making a different choice than you would.