Post # 1
I recently got engaged and just started my wedding planning and need some advice! I am originally from the east coast but now live in CA and my fiance is from CA. Our families live on separate coasts and we both have older families so traveling is difficult for them, but we still want to share our special day with them(eloping not an option).
Has anyone ever had, know anyone who’s had, or have any thoughts on doing 2 weddings…one on the East and one on the West? Am I completely out of my mind???
Basically each wedding would be small, but heavily weighted to the side of the family that lives on that coast. That seems a little weird to me, but I don’t know what else to do . I’m thinking ultimately even if we choose 1 coast it will end up being that way anyway.
Post # 3
I think what people usually do in this situation is have a wedding on one coast, then a party/celebration/reception on the other, rather than have two whole weddings.
Post # 4
Well, I had two weddings on opposite sides of the world! (India and the U.S.) lol
We did it for financial and logistical reasons and it worked out well.
I don’t know anybody personally who has had two weddings within the U.S., but I think if it is very important to you to have both families in attendance, than I would go for it! I think you can make it work! If I could do two weddings five months apart in two different countries, you can do this. 🙂
Post # 5
We are doing 2 weddings, but in the US and South Africa. It’s too expensive for either of our families and friends to travel, so we are going to them! The one here will be bigger and more lavish, while the one there will be much smaller (but that’s how FH wanted it).
If it’s important to you to have your families there, I say go for it! I’d have them a few months apart though or you might go totally crazy!
Post # 5
Thanks Jenn23! Did you have one side of the family in US and one in India? If so, was it weird not to have both families celebrating “together”?
Post # 6
I’m in the exact same situation. SO grew up in NY and I’m from the west coast. We both live in LA now. Our family and friends are on opposite coasts – My family is in CA. SO’s family is in NY. I used to live in NYC, so I also have a lot of friends there. And we both are settled and have alot of friends in LA.
We decided to have the formal wedding ceremony and big reception in upstate NY. To make this decision, we looked at our guest list. SO has a huge family in NY. Alot wouldnt be able to attend if we had the ceremony in CA. So, if we had it in CA it would likely mostly be friends in attendance along with my tiny family. In NY it would be less friends, but mostly family. It just made sense to have it there. Also, it’s not quite as expensive there as in LA – which helped us out too 🙂
We will then have another reception in California, maybe a month or so later. The CA reception will be less weddingey (not a word, but I don’t know how else to say it :)) We’ll probably rent a restaurant and have food/drinks. I’m not going to wear a wedding dress or give out favors, etc. It will just be a nice party.
I know alot out here who have done the same. Probably because there are so many transplants here.
I haven’t seen anyone have 2 ceremonies – other than celebs – but I’m sure it happens. I don’t know if I could plan 2 full blown formal wedding ceremonies and receptions. I told SO he’s in charge of the 2nd CA reception.
Post # 7
@vvaccaro: Yes, my family is here and his lives in India. I wouldn’t say it was weird that everybody wasn’t together at one, big wedding. There was no way everybody could have flown from the U.S. to India or from India to the U.S. so we always knew (while dating/engaged) that we’d have two weddings. It actually was great! We celebrate two anniversaries (just celebrated our “2nd” 1st anniversary on Sunday!!) and have such great memories and wedding photos from both, and I have THREE wedding dresses! (2 from indian wedding, 1 here). It was pretty cool! If you have two here in the U.S., you could have two different themes, or cuisines, colors, music, etc. You can have two unique weddings!! PM me if you have any questions…
Post # 8
Our friends did it! One in the midwest and one in the northeast. They had two full-on weddings: walking down the aisle, you may kiss the bride, cake cutting, first dances, all of that. Based on what he told me, it was very overwhelming for them!I can just imagine with the time needed for planning one what it would be like to plan two!
We’re doing a wedding celebration near where we live and where most of our friends live, and my parents are throwing us an at home reception in their home state. They have a lot of friends and we thought it made more sense this way since many of them may not travel for the wedding. I left my mom totally in charge of the AHR–I told her it was her thing and she could make the decisions for it, and I’d make the decisions for the wedding.
We’re just doing something like cocktails and dinner at a country club, though, not a whole second wedding complete with ceremony for the second one! Would something like that work for you?
Post # 9
Yeah, I’m in the same boat: Married in LA and having a party in Maine this summer. We did it that way because I had more family/friends, etc. But, it’s turning out to be kind of a minefield because my mother-in-law is still pissed at me. I hope she thaws out when we have our party here. But we might just need to have another whole wedding to make her happy. I wouldn’t say no to that if I get to buy another dress:)
Post # 10
Thanks for everyone’s input, this is really helpful. It sounds like this isn’t that uncommon and after everyone’s advice I think I’m going to look into having the full ceremony/reception on the East Coast and then a party/reception on the West Coast. I may consider doing a second small ceremony on the west coast since his uncle is a pastor, but I think less wedding-y(maybe we created a new word 🙂 ) than the east coast.
Post # 12
@vvaccaro: We’re having 2 weddings too! actually 1 wedding and 1 vow renewal. Fiance is originally from California and we’re getting married smack dab in the middle of holidays. So we’re having wedding here in MN then vow renewal in Vegas so any of his family (mainly his dad) or friends that can not physically or financially make it to mn can drive a couple hours to vegas to witness some type of commitment ceremony. I’m just wearing a suit to the vow renewal.
Post # 13
by the way, i voted yes, meant to vote no. sorry i screwed up the stats!
Post # 14
I am so happy that I found this post after searching ‘is having two weddings weird’ into my google search box. I am experiencing a slightly similar dilemma. My fiancé and I planned to elope before he deployed and still have our ‘real’ wedding once he returned. This was a great plan until we told people… all who of which wanted to attend. Which is fantastic and we are lucky to have them. However, eloping has gone from us two to 35. So we are now a few weeks away and find out the deployment is canceled! Ah! Great that he isn’t leaving but now we are having two weddings and I feel just plain silly. BUT after talking to my friends and family about it they all agree that having two weddings is pretty great and they also pointed out that it is about what we want and not to feel obligated one way or another. Anyway, my point to you is having two weddings
is completely your call. And for your circumstance I think it is a wonderful idea. Having two ceremonies would be nice so both sides of the family can experience the big day. If youre concerned about budgets etc read ‘a practical wedding’ it’s an amazing book to guide you through wedding planning.