(Closed) is it dumb i am upset?!?!?!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Why did she keep it from you? I dont understand.

Post # 4
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You definetly have a right to be hurt. 

I don’t think you should be upset about the fact that she’s having her reception at the spot you wanted, as you said…you can’t afford it, so it wasn’t an option for you anyways.

Have you asked her why she didnt tell you about her engagement before? 

Also, perhaps she is just having family in her bridal party? There could be many explanations. 

When I went dress shopping I only brought my mom, I didn’t want a lot of opinions, I just wanted my mom.

I think you need to put aside your anger and sit down with her and just ask her why she didn’t tell you in the first place? 

 

Also, I wouldn’t worry if she takes some of your ideas, do you have many of the same people who will be at each wedding?

Post # 5
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@brittneyandkyle wow, shady, something doesn’t seem right

 

is it because she’s not engaged but doesn’t want people to think she is planning without a wing?

Post # 6
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

I think I’m a little confused…read over this a couple times but here are my thoughts/questions:

1.  Did you not know that she was engaged?

2.  I don’t believe you should begrudge her the fact that she is getting married at the venue you wanted but can’t afford.  She may love the place just as much or even more than you do.

3.  Many women do not want a whole gaggle of people to go wedding dress shopping with them.  I only have my mother and niece.  Some just want their mom/sister(s) to be there.  I don’t think this is anything to be hurt about.

4.  Being in each other’s bridal party isn’t tit-for-tat.  Some women only want family to be in their bridal party or only want one person to stand with them.  

I’m sorry you are feeling hurt, but I really think you should just take a breath and be happy for her too.  

Post # 7
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would be hurt, too. But I think you should cut her some slack on her reception venue. You’re not having yours there, so there’s nothing wrong with her having hers there. It sucks that you can’t have your reception at your dream location, but that doesn’ t make it off limits to her. I also don’t think you should be upset that you aren’t in her wedding or that you don’t get to go wedding dress shopping with her. I’m not taking any of my friends dress shopping with me. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t want a bunch of people there. She may have totally legit reasons for not inviting you.

I think you have a right to be hurt that she didn’t tell you anything. If she really is your best friend, she should have at least TOLD you that she was planning a wedding. Is she actually engaged? Did she get engaged and keep it a secret from everyone? Maybe she became jealous of the fact that you were planning a wedding and she wasn’t, so she decided to start planning a wedding. I don’t know, it all sounds fishy to me. I think there’s something else going on here.

Post # 8
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@prisigtr:  I agree.

I can understand you being hurt about the secrecy, OP. She’s being weird. I would probably give myself a few days to cool off, then try to figure out what’s going on with her. Try not to take her wedding plans personally, there could be many explanations for her behavior like some PPs have mentioned. 

Post # 9
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

Well I can understand being hurt. First of all, it is odd that you considered her such a good friend and then she didn’t even share with you that she’s getting married! I can understand that being hurtful.

While there are some things that I can understand being hurt about, but for your sake (and for the sake of this friendship) you will have to let go. First is your dream venue. If you can’t afford it, and she can (even though it stings!!!!) then that is her choice. I had actually suggested the same venue I have to one of my friends getting married a month before me! If you only have a few mutual guests, and the weddings are different, it can be kind of fun to have memories tied to the same place 🙂 Regardless, you have a different venue, try your hardest to learn to fall in love with it and MAKE it host your dream wedding!

Second, you mentioned that she’s “taken” some of your wedding ideas. Unfortunately, there are only so many wedding ideas floating around, and there is inevitably going to be some copying done. Especially if you guys are friends, then you may have similar tastes! But if it seems like outright she’s not coming up with her own ideas and just taking yours, I’d stop sharing details. Or saying “I think we’re going to go with pink” when really, you’re doing purple…. and at least, you mentioned she’s getting married a month after you, so yours is first??

Thirdly, here’s how I would approach her (if you want to salvage the friendship): “Listen, I’m sorry if some of my reactions hurt you recently, but I really was hurt that you didn’t even tell me you were getting married. I am your friend, I want to share in happy times with you! It just shocked me, that’s all. Also, I’m so happy for you, it did just hurt that I can’t afford the venue I’ve always wanted. I just want this to be a happy time for us both, so I’m sorry if I did hurt you, I just want you to understand I was a bit hurt as well.” and then maybe you guys can talk it out from there.

I hope this helps! Like I said, I can understand being hurt, but if you continue to let it hurt you, you’ll only let it ruin a happy time in your life! Do your best to move on, love your venue, love your wedding, protect your most exciting details (to you) and even when you feel bad try very very hard to find something to be happy or proud about!!! You’ll be able to look back on this time and smile then 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@brittneyandkyle:  Honestly, I’d sit down and have a very frank conversation with her.  I’d mention that you are clearly on different pages regarding your friendship and you feel a little silly having her in your wedding party when you were clearly not aware of that state of your relationship.  I mean, she didn’t even tell you she’s getting married.

The other stuff, that’s just jealousy on your part (which is natural).  You need to stop comparing your weddings.

Post # 11
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You say this girl is your best friend, but she didn’t even tell you that she was engaged? Who DID she tell, if not her best friend? From the sounds of it, the feeling isn’t mutual and you are only an acquaintence to her. 

Post # 12
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh, what a mess!

I say leave it alone for a little. This won’t seem like such a horrible thing in a month or two!

Post # 13
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m really confused, she didn’t tell you when she got engaged, but it was before you?  From what you’re saying, it doesn’t sound like she’s really your best friend (hiding things from you, putting down your decisions, etc).  I think you’re being silly comparing her wedding to yours, every wedding is made unique by the couple it marries.  Your budget doesn’t determine how special your wedding will be.

Post # 15
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She probably didn’t want to tell you because she was embarassed that she was back with him, since he cheated on her.  I don’t know… it’s only a few months.  Maybe she isn’t telling people yet.

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