(Closed) Is it Enough Sex? & Orgasms/Lack Of

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

More than once a day? Christ, I’m lucky if I get it once every week! 

I think a lot of guys masturbate to porn because it’s easy. Sometimes they don’t want to put the effort in and just want the release, with no emotions attached. It sounds like your guy has a pretty high sex drive, and if his masturbating isn’t affecting your sex life I wouldn’t worry. As long as he’s still giving it to you often then everything sounds ok. If it’s really bothering you then ask him not to do it when you’re there and to come to you for release. 

As for the orgasm part, some girls have a really hard time with it (me being one of them). Do a little research and find some positions that will help with hitting your g-spot, or focus on clitoral stimulation (it depends on what type of orgasm you want, I find clitoral orgasms COMPLETELY different and more intense). Try not to overanalyze while your in bed and not focus on the orgasm, take your mind off it completely and it will come to you easier (some women can just NOT stop thinking, even during sex I sometimes think of what I have to do the next day, etc). I would try it with toys, just stick to something that’s not all crazy/intimidating and is simple, like a little bullet vibrator if you and your SO are comfortable.

Post # 4
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Hmmm the fact that he regularly uses porn to get things started seems like something to be worried about. From your post, it sounds like he needs to “get off” many times a day. With these things in mind, I can’t help but wonder if he may be a sex addict.

Post # 7
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

get a vibrator. you don’t need ‘experience’ to figure out what to do. put it where it feels best…. whether it’s your clitoris, maybe labia, or in the vagina. 

if you get there, it may change your feelings about masturbation LOL. otherwise, try it out WITH your man. maybe have him try it out on you.

Post # 8
9819 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@impatiently_buzzing:  vibrators, they help a LOT. And yeah the second before you come feels similar to the need to pee. But don’t worry it isn’t!

Post # 9
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

He probably likes to masterbate for the reason the PP said. It’s quick, less hip action, and maybe he can see things in the porn that he can’t have in real life, like a gangbang, maybe anal or lesbians. I don’t know. Depends on what he watches that might not be included in your sexy time. Doesn’t mean anything against you and as long as it doesn’t involve Kids and animals, fine.

Orgasms feel like sneezes. You feel a build up similiar to when you are about to sneeze, but it’s not exactly the same. That’s just the best I can describe it. It has never felt like I have to pee. If you can imagine it being like you keep rubbing and rubbing the same spot on a jeanie bottle, you feel that sneeze pressure cause something’s about to bust out and it’s all out of your control (kind of like if you ever had a long build up to a sneeze), and then if you can imagine it being like a small light which grows bigger and brighter and bigger until your “sneeze” just explodes out everywhere. That’s what I think an orgasm feels like.

I think you need to work on giving yourself permission to feel it. And that will take masturbating. Not sure why you have an aversion to it. It’s your body; don’t be afraid of it. And if you can’t figure out how to please yourself, well, you’re gonna be all on your own in never experiencing an orgasm.

So don’t let embarrassment or being inept at masterbating stop you from figuring out what makes you pop. I feel that if you’re embarrassed to touch your own body, you might be embarrassed that someone else touching it and that might subconsciously keep you from your orgasm. 

When you open your legs to your man, completely let him have you. Be in the moment. Don’t tense up. Breathe to make yourself keep the blood flow going. But keep yourself in the moment of every kiss and carress and let the feel of it radiate through you. 

I hear and have had success with pulling back the hood and lighting stroking the 11am and  2pm positions (if you imagine that your clit is a clock). Breathe and if you need to fantasize, do so. I use a bullet with a sleeve. I really think if you need to figure out what you like on your own if you use a toy. Then once you know, bring the toy in the bedroom with you Fiance. I say do it this way because it can get pretty awkward if your Fiance does something painful or uncomfortable with the toy and you might not feel confident enough to tell him not to do it that way. I say that because I had problems with my Fiance in the past where it was hard for me to tell him that he was pressing the bullet down too hard for my delight or something similiar. As we got more comfortable, I was able to tell him. But if you know right off the bat, you can guide him.

 Oh and talk to him about it first. Make sure he’s completely comfortable with bringing in a toy. Some men feel emasculated by it.

As I get older, I have less blood flow to the area. So I have used a pill that’s over the counter that contains horny goat weed. It’s called Steel libido. You take about 4 of them and have sex within an hour or two and it will increase blood flow to the area. Your vulva will get really puffy. 

Post # 10
31 posts

@impatiently_buzzing: holy smokes i wish my SO could go all day ;] when we first started dating we’d did it twice a day (we were also each other’s first sexual experience and we lived in the dorm). now he says he’s pretty “dry” after one time, but we’re ldr so recently i can get it twice ;]

i agree with pp that you should try to find your right spot, pressure, and speed on your own. you might also want to find out your… rhythm– as in do you like to start out fast? then hard and slow? or just the opposite?

to be honest, my first o wasn’t from masturbating or sex. my SO was dry humping me in between my legs. he was rubbing deep and slow for quite a while (oh to be young again!) and it just released, like i could feel my down there throbbing like crazy and i had to ask him to get off! i didn’t know what was happening back then– now i do and sometimes i have to really clear my mind (as opposed to concentrating on having one or on other things). personally, i think dry humping is one way to go if you want to be in control of finding what feels good WITH your partner ;] my SO is pretty patient with me and if i can’t get it the first time, he’ll cheer me on to keep trying until i climax. silly, bear.


Post # 11
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

The best advice I can give in reaching a orgasm is to completely relax your nether regions. I find that I have the most intense orgams when I give in to what’s happening. And Honeybee1999 is so correct each climax is different.

Sometimes I have the urge to tense up and control the pleasure but I almost NEVER orgasm like that but when I give in and relax………

Post # 12
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

When it comes to orgasming, 75% of women can not have one through intercourse alone. Sorry. Your clitoris is going to have to be touched. If you don’t want to touch it, then he’ll have to touch it, but someone is going to have to get it started. It’ll take some time to figure out how much pressure you like, what direction you like, and how fast you like it rubbed, which is why they usually tell you to do it yourself so you’ll be able to tell your SO. Once you have it down, it’ll be one of the best things that has every happened to you. I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was in my 20s. I thought everyone got one from intercourse so when I didn’t, I thought I couldn’t. I just didn’t know how much I was cheating myself and my relationship.

As far as masturbating, your SO either has a very high sex drive or he’s hooked on the feeling of orgasming. I’m sure he loves you, but masturbating is way easier than sex with another person, and generally quicker. The focus is 100% on you – you know exactly what you like, you go straight for it, and you don’t have to worry about pleasing your partner. As long as he’s fulfilling your needs, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Porn is a personal thing. My husband doesn’t look at it because he feels it’s disloyal to me. I, on the other hand, could care less if he did or not. Since you  do care, I would talk to him about it. Maybe you could give him nude pictures of you to masturbate too, or cut out pictures of your head and paste them over the models faces, or cut out all the models’ heads so he’s not looking at their faces. The easiest thing would be if he stopped but considering his sex drive, I doubt if that would work so compromise is the next best option.


Post # 13
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Definitely try adding a vibrater.  Just a little one that you put on your clit. Amaze.


Post # 15
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would suggest trying to have a clitoral orgasm first. It can be awesome having one with you SO, but no matter how comfortable you are with him, trying it on your own in your own space on your own time allows you the freedom of mind to take your time and to explore in a way you may not want to with him sitting there watching, lol :P. I had never had a vaginal orgasm until I was with my SO. I honestly thought they weren’t a possibility, clearly I was wrong! Either way, don’t worry, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your body. Some people have their first orgasms as children others much later in life. Everyone’s body responds differently to different stimuli. Maybe a vibrator would be a fun way of exploring with yourself. Like @rosworms: said, just put it where it feels good and see where it goes! 🙂 Good luck! 🙂 

Post # 16
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wait wait wait…you’ve never had an orgasm and you still want to have sex more than once a day??!!

You’re going to get nothing done once it happens…which by god, I really hope it does for you.  

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