(Closed) Is it even worth waiting for a proposal? Ready to give up.

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
9810 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Why do you want to marry a loser?

 

Post # 17
Member
4802 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

[content moderated for snark]

Post # 18
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Do either of you even love eachother or are you both only together becausr of the kids?

Post # 19
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

[content moderated for personal attack, snark]

Post # 20
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

He’s “a good dad?”  A dad who uses his children’s mother, a dad who will not make a loving lifetime commitment to his children’s mother, a dad who does not care about the needs his children’s mother’s, a dad who sexts other women?  This is not a “good dad”… he is not even “a dad.”  

Do yourself and your kids a favor and make a strong, independant life and teach your children by example how to love and respect themselves.  They will be watching you….and him.

Post # 21
Member
9668 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Why would you want to marry a man who you describe as “an okay partner?”

Just because you have children together doesn’t mean you should stay together and it doesn’t he loves you and it doesn’t mean he will commit to you. Time to move on.

Post # 22
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2016

[content moderated for personal attack]

Post # 23
Member
6437 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Getting pregnant once might be an “accident” (though not using any birth control does not = accident to me), but why the second time? You already knew he could not be depended on to prevent pregnancy, so why didn’t you? 

Regardless, you were pregnant before you ever had a chance to really get to know him. Now it seems that what you do know of him is unlikeable. You have made some genuinely poor decisions so far, but staying with this guy would be a doozy of a bad decision. I just find it sad that the children will have to pay for their parents’ poor decisions.

Post # 24
Member
2487 posts
Buzzing bee

UGH……I think your situation is appalling and I feel terrible for you. The “pull out” thing cooked it for me Even before yougot out of the gate.

According to YOU, he is constantly offering blatant excuses for everything important. Why would he not do the same thing to your children, when they are old enough to realize how odd their father’s family is.

And NO, the life you are living is not “just like marriage” Marriage is mutual love, respect, cooperation, shared goals…….just as starters.

And consider what happened when you took the “break”. How could you POSSIBLY have felt loved after an experience like that?

Get a job! You need, AND DESERVE, a healthy dose of self respect! Make a friend, especially someone who admires you, who is kind, and who is tough. You need a better sounding board than the cousin, who appears to think that your staying pregnant and barefoot and washing the floors with your tongue, is JUST what HIS cousin NEEDS!

PLEASE- do what is best for yourself and your children, bag the fantasies, and salvage what is good in your life.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!

Post # 25
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

[content moderated for snark]

Post # 26
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

tori9223:  

After reading your description of his treatment of you, I’m drawn again to your title. “Is it even worth waiting for a proposal? [You are] Ready to give up.” Those are your words, Bee, not ours, but they could be. Just my $0.02.

Best wishes to you.

 

(eta: out of curiosity, how much are his monthly child support payments and how often his visitation schedule?)

Post # 27
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

tori9223:  First of all, I hope you are on birth control now, so you don’t add a 3rd child to the mix.

He clearly does not want to marry you and is probably only still with you because it is “easier” to maintain the status quo. You need to get a job so you have a means of supporting yourself. Then you need to work out a child support/custody arrangement with the father of your children and move out. 

He needs to start carrying condoms or learn to keep it in his pants. 4 children with 2 different women by age 29…if he continues at this pace his $140k salary isn’t going to stretch too far. 

Post # 28
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

[content moderated for snark, personal attack]

Post # 29
Member
4529 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My advice to you bee is get your ass to a doctor and get yourself on a form of birth control that you don’t have to remember to take. Go for an IUD or implant because you do not want to have another baby with this man.

Your second step is to use the little time you have left in this relationship to get your life together and use it to your advantage. You mentioned study….take extra units and power through your degree because the quicker you graduate the quicker you get a job. Being a single parent is near on impossible financially and study is the first thing to go out the window. The better qualified, the better the earning and employment potential.

It is important that you think about your financial future because I am 99.9 percent sure this man will never marry you. (Although I have no idea why you want to marry him???) I am also certain that he will probably end up becoming a daddy many more times over the years. (He seems to like going into battle without a helmet and doesn’t seem to discriminate who he battles against….yuck) Lots of children means lots of child support and even an excellent salary like 140k doesn’t go far with lots of babies and baby mamma’s…..

Please start using the brain you were given and plan  and be the one to provide for your future and that of your children because he will not. You have made very silly decisions in your life that have resulted in two children. Step up and do the right thing because any choice you make affects the your children and future grandchildren. Be strong, smart and independent. People make silly decisions but it is how you learn and move on from them that makes you great.

And please god do not marry this man or have more kids with him….

Post # 30
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Beautiful place.

Bee I’m truly sorry, really am. 

 

But, if a guy wants to be with you he will. Nothing will stop him, if I were you I’d be taking good care of the babies and planning something on the side so you would not have to be so dependent of him. 

Im happy he’s a good father but that’s not enough , he needs to be good to you too, you  deserve better. 

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