Post # 31
- Wedding: August 2017 - Sea Cider
cmsgirl: I hate to agree, because it is also a form of using this fellow/his money, but I do think that a plan like this would be best for you/the kids.
I would add that I doubt to high heaven that he wants to marry you. . .or anyone, for that matter. He’s not emotionally mature enough. Save your “come to Jesus” moment for AFTER you’ve gotten a degree, in the least, but I would also do a consult or two with a lawyer about some kind of “co-habitation agreement” that outlines the need for him to support the kids, etc. Think pre-nup, but no wedding. I’d make it 100% about the kids, too . . .and by saving that trump card for AFTER you have your degree in hand, you can take care of yourself (hopefully) and the kids, too (ideally), before he completely cuts and runs.
Post # 32
havenspartyof2: I didn’t Intentionally imply that she hang around and use him and his money but I can see how you read it that way. 🙂
I know that most people in these situations mull over it and take their time in deciding whether to leave or not…they also set little walk dates in their head. OP struck me as one of those ….so I suggested she make plans in the interim because she won’t get what she is hoping for from him…..
Post # 33
It sounds like you’re only still with him because he supports you. It doesn’t sound like either of you love each other, and are just together because you had a baby. And then had another one? Idk. I probably wouldn’t be sticking around for very long.
Post # 34
tori9223: Okay, here’s what you do: Tell him “I will meet you at the courthouse tomorrow at 10 AM. It will cost us $40 bucks (or whatever it is) to get married. If you don’t show, I will use that time to file for child support, then I will pack my things, the kids’ things and leave.” Do not accept any excuses about expense and rings and whatever else, it’s all bull.
When (not if) he doesn’t show up, follow through. Or I guess give that plan a week so you have housing lined up before you set the date. This relationship sounds like a nightmare and I don’t even sort of understand why you’d want to marry him. Stay together for the kids is a bad idea. This man is disgusting by description. Your children will grow up with him as a role model. Is that what you want? If it were your child making these choices, would you advise her against it? Are you in it for the money? What’s the appeal here?
Oh, and for the love of god, please get on some form of permanent birth control, at the very least until you have life figured out.
Post # 35
- Wedding: August 2017 - Sea Cider
cmsgirl: I didn’t think you had intentionally implied that, but regardless of intention, it’s not a bad plan to make sure the family can be sustained.
Post # 36
OK so to run through a couple of things… he’s a fantastic father to all his kids. The kids he has with his ex he has 50% custody of. The kids he has with me he looks after and even changes poopy nappies. And the morning after .pill is Not $20 here. It was $90 the day before my pay day! I am studying at university to try and become more financially independent. I do love him. He treats me well. he admitted to the sexting nearly a year and a half ago and hasn’t done it since and gives me his phone whenever I want and the trust has been rebuilded. Not too happy about the boat idea though. But yeah I wanna be married. And he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to propose to hIm that is so lame. I have been reading about how the whole idea of an engagement ring can be compareD tO trading land and a couple of donkeys in exchange for the woman’s hand in marriage and im beginning to wonder if any of it is even worth it? Marriage and also being partnered with anybody?! The more I read the more I’m questioning if it’s all legal glorified prostitution. I am really upset. And I don’t like some of the comments I’m reading like ‘I feel sorry fpr the kids ‘ why? They have 2 parents who love them. They get looked after. Its just their Dad is a dick and hasn’t proposed to me. I just want to feel worthy enough . Girls I went to school with uGly as sin and dumb as shit are all married and happy and I end up nobody wanting me. Thats how it feels
Post # 37
tori9223: “he even changes poopy nappys”
uh yeah….that’s what parents do. Nothing special there, sorry!
Look, he’s being extremely clear. He doesn’t want to marry you. You obviously do want marriage. Don’t let this asshole talk you out of something this important to you.
Marriage is NOT “glorified prostitution” (wtf??). Frankly, my dear, your current situation is closer to that then marriage is.
Marriage is awesome, its hard work but its awesome. But really, marriage is about two partners respecting each other which it doesn’t sound like you two have.
Marriage won’t solve your problems. Marriage won’t change him.
By the way, calling girls you went to school with as “ugly as sin” and “dumb” is really lame. You got yourself into this pretty situation…what do you think they could say about you? Don’t hate on others because you’re upset with yourself.
Post # 38
[content moderated for personal attack, language, name calling]
Post # 39
tori9223: Calling other women ugly as sin and dumb as shit isn’t doing you any favors. Same with saying proposing to him would be “lame.” Now you’ve gone and called the people trying to give you honest help (after that’s what you asked for) cunts…completely inappropriate. I’m sorry you’re unhappy but that’s no excuse for name calling and tearing others down. Maybe you just aren’t ready to hear the truth.
Post # 40
tori9223: while I agree that some comments from other bees are, at best, harsh and inappropriate such as “I feel bad for the children” I agree with u OP, there is NO indication that you or your SO are bad parents just because you got pregnant accidently and are not married, I dont think it was nice or appropriate for you to call everyone “cunts”, that was completely uncalled for. I get you don’t like their advice but as harsh as it was to hear, I think many Bees had good points….
i will say this, I think you know you’ve made some mistakes and while I sympathize with you I cannot get behind the fact that he was sexting other women and refuses to explain WHY he won’t commit to you and instead gives you bullshit excuses. I don’t think he sounds like a great boyfriend and doesn’t seem to care about your feelings…
if you are truly interested in marrying him, you need to sit down and explain how important marriage is to you and tell him that if he’s not planning on marrying you that you are walking, AND AFTER YOU SAY THIS AND HE DOESNT FOLLOW THROUGH YOU NEED TO WALK…
Post # 41
[content moderated for baiting]
Post # 42
tori9223: You just said “I want to be married” and he’s shown you that he’s not willing to make that commitment yet he can commit to having children. You have to show him the consequences of his actions, that you’re not going to stick around forever waiting for him to marry you. I think you make too many excuses for him and people in this thread are just being brutally honest about this loser of a man. You know what you have to do next.
Post # 43
You both sound immature. Leave marriage off the table for awhile because that will only complicate things if you have to get a divorce. Focus on re-building your family, getting an education and being a good mom. You’re so young. The only reason you’re desperate for a marriage is because you have two kids out of wedlock, which was your own fault for letting a man come in you when he promised to pull out (you barely knew him) and then not buying the $20-30 morning after pill.
Post # 44
Actually the morning after pill is 15-30$ in Australia, depending at which drugstore/pharmacy you get it from. NOT 90. But that is not the point. We c***’s on here are telling you the truth about your situation. Take it or leave it.
Post # 45
I’m going too close this thread so we can review.