Post # 1
I wasn’t going to have a registry at all. I don’t want people spending a lot of money on us and we have every household item we could possibly need. I also don’t want the hassle of trying to carry gifts back to Australia with us from America or having to worry about customs or duties from people trying to ship things to us or any of that hassle. I figured if people wanted to write us a check, they can always do that and it would be the most helpful gift at the moment. But I certainly wasn’t planning to ask for gifts, monetary or otherwise.
I don’t have a lot of experience with weddings, but I always believed it was in very bad taste to put registry information on an invitation or otherwise imply that you expect gifts. In the past week, I’ve gotten two wedding invitations from cousins who are getting married and both invitations say where the couple is registered, in big letters right below the address of the venue.
Is this considered normal now? Do guests expect to see registry information on an invitation? I can understand why some guests might find a registry helpful, but would it be considered strange not to have one?
Post # 3
Ummm… One of my friends asked if I am having a registry and I totally blanked. Because tbh, I hadn’t considered it up until then. If I was back home in Asia, gift giving aren’t norms; more often you’ll find guests giving the couple monetary gifts in red packets. It’s part culture part practical.
But I think in the modern day, registry is becoming the norm because your guests would have an idea what you might like. Otherwise, they might feel bad turning up empty-handed, but yet have no idea what to get you
Post # 4
Here in North America (I see you are from Australia) Gift Registries are pretty much the norm, it would be fairly “unusual” not to have one (they’ve been around for quite awhile… so Guests expect them… my first wedding was over 30 years ago, and we had one then)
Putting any GIFT info including Registry Info, Boxed Gifts, No Gifts, etc on the Invite is a HUGE Etiquette faux pas (actually, it shouldn’t appear anywhere in the Wedding Invite Packet)
Info on this sort of thing has traditionally be passed onto Guests who ask by the family (MOB, or the Bridesmaids etc). In this the social networking media age, it is something though can be referenced on a Bride’s Wedding Website (and it is ok to put the Wedding Website addy into the Wedding Invite Packet, so folks know where to look for more info about the Wedding… including other stuff that isn’t needed to bog-down the Invite with… Driving Directions – Hotel Info – etc)
NOTE – If the Registry Info appears on the Wedding Website, it should be in a tasteful, non-blatent way… as minimum info as possible (ie Store Name & Address, Website Address… not a ton of detail on wants & needs etc… and NO ASKING for money or any other type of “fund”… as that too begins to look too “gift greedy” / tacky)
Hope this helps,
Post # 5
@Edelweiss: I think that it depends on your social circle. I have only received one invitation that included registry information and was pretty shocked given the family’s insistence that registries are/were rude (it’s my DH’s family). They actually went with a honeymoon registry, so from my point of view, it was really weird given everything. It isn’t considered polite in terms of etiquette, but there are circles where it is considered normal.
In North America, I would say that not having a registry would signal that you would like money and, in your case (with the travelling), I’d say that’s probably what most guests will gift you. There will also be people who will just buy you something that they think that you and your FI would like because they aren’t comfortable giving money.
I’ll be honest, I’ve never attended a wedding where there wasn’t some sort of registry.
Post # 6
its a lot eaiser to give a gift when there is a regsitry! I had a friend who did not do a registry, it was hard to pick something out for her I didnt want to end up getting her something somebody else had already gotten her. You can end up with a bunch of something or a lot of things you do not like!
People want to give gifts, is best to give them an option on what to get you that you wil like 🙂
Post # 7
I think registries are common in Australia, too, but I’m not really sure. I’m American and my family is American and the wedding will be there with my family. Both the cousins I got invites from with the registry information printed on them are obviously also American. But since I don’t know much about weddings, the only thing I knew about registries was what I read a long time ago in Emily Post.
Should I just tell my mom that if anyone asks, that she suggests they just give money? I did offer to set up a small registry if she thought people would expect it, but I honestly can’t think of anything to put on it and I don’t want to inconvenience people by asking them to shop online with an Australian retailer. I’m afraid that would confuse older relatives who aren’t comfortable with online shopping.
Would people be offended if I told my mom to tell them not to get us anything at all?
Post # 8
If you don’t have a registry then you can end up getting abunch of thigns you don’t want or need. If there really isn’t anything you want or need . Are you taking a honeymoon? If so I would suggest using honeyfund. You basically include details of your honeymoon that people can purchase as a gift. Like dinner for 2, excursions, massages. You can list anything you want and any dollar value and when they purchase that for you the money goes straight in your pocket so you can put it toward your honeymood or anything else you want to do with it. People feel like they are contributing to something nice instead of just writing a check.
Post # 9
Yes or i’ll just get a bunch of stuff I don’t want or need
Post # 10
If you don’t want a registry, I think you should lean on the fact that you’re getting married in the US but living in Australia. Customs, shipping, etc. really are a nightmare to deal with in those situations, and I think people could understand you not wanting to pack a KitchenAid mixer in your carry-on. 🙂
I’m getting married in the US but live in the UK and plan on basically setting up a really small registry just as a token sort of thing, but telling guests that we don’t really have the space or need for anything on a traditional registry.
Post # 12
@Edelweiss: I don’t think that people would be offended, per say…but I could imagine people thinking “That’s silly. Of COURSE I’m going to buy Edelweiss a present. Everyone needs/wants a crystal vase”.
If I were in your situation, I would talk to your mom. Ask her what she thinks will go over well. I think that it’s perfectly reasonable for your mom, if asked, to spread the word that you and your FI are going to be moving back to Oz after the wedding and thus, physical presents will be very difficult to ship. She could mention that you are saving for a house/vacation/new furniture, whatever. That gives people a hint. I might create a small registry for guests who will want to get you a physical gift and won’t pay attention to the real problems with shipping stuff back to your home, but if you’re uncomfortable with that, just don’t do it.
In my experience, when you say (or have someone else say) something like “your presence is present enough” people get confused…and will then start insisting that you tell them what you would “really” like. It gets super awkward and very old, fast. I know that I wouldn’t be comfortable attending a wedding without something for the bride and groom and often, when you say something like that, half bring presents anyways and it makes it weird for those who don’t.