(Closed) Is it expected to have a registry?

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ummm… One of my friends asked if I am having a registry and I totally blanked. Because tbh, I hadn’t considered it up until then. If I was back home in Asia, gift giving aren’t norms; more often you’ll find guests giving the couple monetary gifts in red packets. It’s part culture part practical.

But I think in the modern day, registry is becoming the norm because your guests would have an idea what you might like. Otherwise, they might feel bad turning up empty-handed, but yet have no idea what to get you

Post # 4
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Here in North America (I see you are from Australia) Gift Registries are pretty much the norm, it would be fairly “unusual” not to have one (they’ve been around for quite awhile… so Guests expect them… my first wedding was over 30 years ago, and we had one then)

Putting any GIFT info including Registry Info, Boxed Gifts, No Gifts, etc on the Invite is a HUGE Etiquette faux pas (actually, it shouldn’t appear anywhere in the Wedding Invite Packet)

Info on this sort of thing has traditionally be passed onto Guests who ask by the family (MOB, or the Bridesmaids etc).  In this the social networking media age, it is something though can be referenced on a Bride’s Wedding Website (and it is ok to put the Wedding Website addy into the Wedding Invite Packet, so folks know where to look for more info about the Wedding… including other stuff that isn’t needed to bog-down the Invite with… Driving Directions – Hotel Info – etc)

NOTE – If the Registry Info appears on the Wedding Website, it should be in a tasteful, non-blatent way… as minimum info as possible (ie Store Name & Address, Website Address… not a ton of detail on wants & needs etc… and NO ASKING for money or any other type of “fund”… as that too begins to look too “gift greedy” / tacky)

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 5
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Edelweiss:  I think that it depends on your social circle.  I have only received one invitation that included registry information and was pretty shocked given the family’s insistence that registries are/were rude (it’s my DH’s family).  They actually went with a honeymoon registry, so from my point of view, it was really weird given everything.  It isn’t considered polite in terms of etiquette, but there are circles where it is considered normal.

In North America, I would say that not having a registry would signal that you would like money and, in your case (with the travelling), I’d say that’s probably what most guests will gift you.  There will also be people who will just buy you something that they think that you and your FI would like because they aren’t comfortable giving money.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never attended a wedding where there wasn’t some sort of registry.

Post # 6
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

its a lot eaiser to give a gift when there is a regsitry!  I had a friend who did not do a registry, it was hard to pick something out for her I didnt want to end up getting her something somebody else had already gotten her.  You can end up with a bunch of something or a lot of things you do not like!

People want to give gifts, is best to give them an option on what to get you that you wil like 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee

If you don’t have a registry then you can end up getting abunch of thigns you don’t want or need. If there really isn’t anything you want or need . Are you taking a honeymoon? If so I would suggest using honeyfund.  You basically include details of your honeymoon that people can purchase as a gift. Like dinner for 2, excursions, massages. You can list anything you want and any dollar value and when they purchase that for you the money goes straight in your pocket so you can put it toward your honeymood or anything else you want to do with it. People feel like they are contributing to something nice instead of just writing a check.

Post # 9
Member
3174 posts
Sugar bee

Yes or i’ll just get a bunch of stuff I don’t want or need

Post # 10
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

If you don’t want a registry, I think you should lean on the fact that you’re getting married in the US but living in Australia. Customs, shipping, etc. really are a nightmare to deal with in those situations, and I think people could understand you not wanting to pack a KitchenAid mixer in your carry-on. 🙂 

I’m getting married in the US but live in the UK and plan on basically setting up a really small registry just as a token sort of thing, but telling guests that we don’t really have the space or need for anything on a traditional registry. 

Post # 11
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

Oops, double post!

Post # 12
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Edelweiss:  I don’t think that people would be offended, per say…but I could imagine people thinking “That’s silly.  Of COURSE I’m going to buy Edelweiss a present.  Everyone needs/wants a crystal vase”.  

If I were in your situation, I would talk to your mom.  Ask her what she thinks will go over well.  I think that it’s perfectly reasonable for your mom, if asked, to spread the word that you and your FI are going to be moving back to Oz after the wedding and thus, physical presents will be very difficult to ship.  She could mention that you are saving for a house/vacation/new furniture, whatever.  That gives people a hint.  I might create a small registry for guests who will want to get you a physical gift and won’t pay attention to the real problems with shipping stuff back to your home, but if you’re uncomfortable with that, just don’t do it.  

In my experience, when you say (or have someone else say) something like “your presence is present enough” people get confused…and will then start insisting that you tell them what you would “really” like.  It gets super awkward and very old, fast.  I know that I wouldn’t be comfortable attending a wedding without something for the bride and groom and often, when you say something like that, half bring presents anyways and it makes it weird for those who don’t.  

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