Post # 1
My simple question is, “Is it fair for a bride to demand that a bridesmaid say she “loves” the bridesmaid dress?”
The back story: My friend asked me to be one of two Maid/Matron of Honor and I happily accepted and as I’ve been a bridesmaid before happily accpeted the fact that I would may be purchasing a dress that looks terrible on me and that I will never wear again. The wedding isn’t about my dress it’s about the bride and that’s the attidtude I approach weddings with and have always simply avoided making strong comments for or against the dress that’s been chosen so no one’s feelings get hurt.
When we went bridesmaid dress shopping the bride made it clear that it had to be this length, this color, strappless and couldn’t be the same as another bridesmaid but she wanted us to chose a dress we liked. Fine, a bit tricky since two of us both really liked and looked good in one particular dress (rock paper scissors over a $150 dress is not the sort of gambling I thought I’d ever take part in) but we managed to leave the store alive and with considerablly lighter wallets (shoes, hair items, dress etc.)The color of the dress while not my favorite, didn’t look too bad on so I was happy.
A week later I receive a call from the bride announcing that she is changing the color of our dresses (Thanks David’s Bridal for taking this order change over the phone from someone who didn’t purchase the item. I know she’s the bride but she didn’t shell out the money nor did pay for the extra fee for rush order that had to be put on it because of the color change). Again, fine it’s her wedding I could have used the extra $50 for something else but I agreed to this role.
But then she tells me what color it is and my heart drops. This particular color which she “tried on” herself and which “looked great on” her doesn’t do me any favors. In fact the color actually gives my skin a green hue (how do I know? Another bride had originally picked this color and when I tried it on it was immediately decided that I should go a shade lighter so I wouldn’t look like I was seasick during the wedding.)
I also would never have chosen this dress in the new color since it looks like I should be going out to a club to party with the Jersey Shore crew in this color but it’s not my place to say this to the bride and I’ve simply told her I’m happy that she’s going with the color she really wants (family pressure had chosen the first color) and that I know the wedding is going to be lovely. I have just accepted the dress and try to avoid saying much about it.
Today: I think that this silence would have gone completely unnoticed if it weren’t for the fact that two of the bridesmaids got so excited for the change that they were raving about the color and how much they “love the dress”. Now the bride is demanding to know why I didn’t say I “loved the dress”. I told her I like the dress but its her wedding and that’s my
This caused tears that I had not intended because she wants us all to “love” our dresses and that if I didn’t think to say it I need to go try it on again and call her back to let her know how much I love it because she knows I will. Obviously I will go home from work and call to tell her I love it but part of me thinks that this is a little unfair. I’d never say I hated a dress but I feel just as bad being forced to lie about loving it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
No reason to lie. “It’s not the most flattering color on me, but I’m happy to wear whatever you want.”
Post # 4
Your bride needs to take a chill pill. If a bride picks out the bridesmaid dresses, she needs to accept that not everyone is going to ZOMG LOVEEEEE her choice. And that’s ok.
Tell her something like, “Its not my style, but for you I would wear an itchy wool and burlap blend!”
If she keeps bugging you, honestly take a good look at the relationship and think about how much more demanding she could be about things like the shower and bachelorette – she sounds rather high maintenance.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t tell her you love it if you don’t. At some point she’s going to have to learn and accept the fact that you can’t please all the people all the time.
I think it’s unrealistic to pick one colour and one style of dress for X number of people and expect them all to look great in it and find it flattering. I’d rather honesty than to be fibbed to, even if only so I could make an extra gesture of appreciation privately to a friend who forked out $$$ for a dress she doesn’t like and won’t wear again.
Post # 6
If she wanted you to love it, she’d’ve let you pick your own damn dress. The color and style and blah blah blah of her dreams was more important, so you don’t. That’s her call, but then she can’t whine when you don’t LOVE your dress. And seriously… crying? I sincerely hope that that was because her life is so perfect that THIS is her big problem right now haha.
But yeah, you’re right. Lie and say you love it so that she can shut up and stop crying. Easier way out :-X
Post # 7
Don’t lie to her. Tell her you’re happy to wear what she wants (you’ve obviously proved this), but that it’s not a color you would have chosen for yourself. She should be grateful that you bought a dress you really don’t like just to make her happy…
Post # 8
It’s really sweet for her to want you to like it, but a little unrealistic. Sound like you guys do care about each other.
Maybe you can take her shopping with you and try it on for her? Do you live close enough?
Or just lie and find a place that does a good spray tan or start tanning, that’ll help a little. 🙂
Post # 9
She sounds totally obnoxious. If she wants everyone to love the dress, she shouldn’t change the decision unilaterally.
Post # 10
This bride sounds like a complete basket case. I think you’re doing the right thing by being honest yet supportive. You don’t have to love the dress; you just have to love the bride.
Post # 11
I know this is going to be the unpopular opinion but I say there is absolutely no harm in saying “I tried the dress on again and you are right, i do love it!”
Saying you dont love it isnt going to do anything other than give the bride doubts and make her feel guilty for making you wear a dress you dont love and like you said it is all about her, so I say just tell her you love it so that she can have some peace of mind, god knows brides have enough on their plates to worry about.
Post # 12
She wants everyone to “Love” their dresses? Seriously? If that’s what she wants then she needs to let you all go pick out your own….and is she going to cry unless everyone “Loves” her invitations? Her venue? Her menu? This could get nuts in like, thirty seconds.
What you are dealing with is a volatile and unpredictable thing, if you cave on this issue, get ready for a “Love In” on everything from napkins to chair covers, and if you can live with lying to her for the sake of her happienss, go for it…if not just let her know that as long as the dress is what she loves, then you would just love to wear it for her!
Post # 13
I think it’s totally fair to demand a bridesmaid love the dress . . . if the bridesmaid was actually allowed to pick out the dress.
Post # 14
@reallytrying: I don’t think you need to say you love the dress, but I think if you can come up with one positive thing to say about the dress to her, it’s nice.
Post # 15
I agree with you – I’d probably be a little bothered if I felt obligated to lie. But honestly, I’d do it anyway just to smooth things out. I do think it’s unfair that she didn’t pay the rush fee since it was her decision to make the change, but I’d lie and tell her I loved it. If you really do mean what you say in your second paragraph, it’s harmless to tell her a white lie.
I’m dying to know what the color is, though!
Post # 16
No, I don’t think that’s appropriate. I might ask my BMs to show me a dress they “love” or something for input, but, if I selected it myself, I would just be happy that they didn’t complain to my face.