(Closed) Is it hard to have BMs in a different state?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have one that lives about 20 mins away, my Maid/Matron of Honor lives an hour and a half, one lives in utah, one in california, and the other in indy. It’s tough lol

Post # 4
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

The only thing your BMs need to be there for is the ceremony.  If they live far away, that may be the only thing they can attend.  You just have to decide whether it is important to you that they do other things with you before the ceremony.

With our two attendants, one lived in NY and one in Oregon.  We live near DC, and the ceremony was near Boston.  We were fine with just having the attendants show up for the ceremony.

Post # 5
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am in California and the wedding was in Oklahoma.

I had 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man in Kansas city, one in houston, one in washington dc, one in arkansas, one an hour away in oklahoma, one 45 minutes away in oklahoma and 2 in Tulsa!!! Talk about spread out! 

We didn’t really get everyone together much because of costs and travel. We had basically 2 weekend trips. One weekend in June for the bachelorette and shower (shower was in afternoon, bachelorette that night) and one weekend for the wedding (rehearsal and actual wedding day). 

It worked out fine for us- we were all happy to get to see each other because without the wedding we probably wouldn’t have gotten to! 

Post # 6
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the best thing to do is invite them to whatever you want but be understanding if they can’t make it. I would do your best to stress the importance of the rehearsal dinner the night before though because it would be nice to make sure everyone is accounted for. 

As for the dresses and shoes- i asked for their sizes and ordered them (we payed for them). The weekend of the shower and bachelorette we all went (in between the two events) to the tailor and had them taken in so they all looked the same and had the same length. They picked the dresses and shoes up at my house the day of the wedding. 

As for hair and makeup i told them they were welcome to come to get it done professionally but it was on them to pay for it. I gathered the info on who wanted what and who would be there, and made the reservations. I had people come to my house and we all hung out there. I told them they were welcome to come hang out even if they did their own hair and makeup. Made things easy. 

Post # 8
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You can have them get measured and order the dresses according to their measurements. Have the dresses mailed to them and give them a length from the floor up to have the length of the dresses taken up if needed. (with what ever shoes they will be wearing if the same shoes, or barefoot if they wear their own shoes) 

Post # 10
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It wasn’t difficult at all for me to have BMs living far away.  Even if you’re buying the dresses in one state, there is a good chance that that line of dresses is in an area near the girls.  They could go see it in person if they aren’t sure they will be comfortable in it. I would buy all the dresses at one store though.  Then mail out the dresses!

Post # 11
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It was difficult enough for me that I ended up having a different bridesmaid than the one originally planned.  I didn’t have any pre-wedding events since I had bridesmaids out of state.

Post # 12
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think with strategic planning, having your wedding party be out of state doesn’t have to be a problem.  I’m having 4 people on my side, 3 who live in California (while I’m in NYC).  My family is in California, so I went out there to visit and combined the wedding dress looking with Bridesmaid or Best Man dress looking, which worked out just fine.  🙂  I trust my friend/sisters to figure out the dress ordering out there, and my friend whose here is making her dress.

I think if it’s too hard to get everyone together to order the dress from the same store, there is the possibility of having your friend who lives 4 hours away order hte dress from a local store, assuming the company your purchasing the dress from sells the line in multiple bridal shops.  (I’m finding that’s the case–usually the company’s website will tell you which are certified retailers, and even if they don’t have the SPECIFIC dress, they can order it if they carry the line I think). 

And, in regards to planning and getting support from your bridal party for that, technology now a days is awesome.  🙂  I talk to my sisters a lot on Facebook, and my best friend (MOH) in California and I talk on Skype a few times a week.  She’s been able to help me with A LOT of planning/processing ideas that way…so it can definitely be done.

Good luck!  I hope that this is a smooth process for you!

Post # 13
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

5/7 of my bridesmaids were out of town, and it ended up working out just fine. for dress shopping, i went with the 2 local girls (moh and sil), and the other girls just sent their measurements to the shop. all the dresses turned out to fit perfectly and they all loved the dresses. i had my bachelorette party and bridal shower so 2 of the out of towners were able to come. many of them didn’t know each other before the wedding–my moh is a post-college friend, then there were 3 college friends, 1 high school, my brother’s wife and my now sil–but they all got along great. my moh was super on top of communicating with them, they had these huge email chains apparently. and most of them were really responsive and supportive throughout the planning. the only ones who were kinda mia were my sil (but she’s a bit self-centered and i didn’t expect more from her really, different story…) and one of my bridesmaids who got engaged and married at the same time as me (which is also a different story, haha)

Post # 14
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

It is VERY difficult… I asked my SIL to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and she ended up dropping out because it was just too difficult to get everything done from 4 states away. It really hurt my feelings, but I understand why she did it… it’s almost impossible to be a good Bridesmaid or Best Man if you live more than 3 hours away from the bride!

Post # 15
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

It’s pretty difficult.

I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man several times over, twice out of state. In those cases, we all ordered the dresses/shoes online so there were no collective fittings and I skipped joining the brides for wedding dress shoping, their showers and bachelorette parties. And obviously, I wasn’t around to do DIY duties or anything.

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