Post # 17
Here’s the way I see it: if you think that fate is going to bring you and james back together in some way (or even that it may be fated), I think you should just stop talking to him. Be in the moment, love Andy and know that he’s the one for you. IF, and that’s a big if, fate ever drops James back off, you can decide what to do then. But it isn’t happening right now, and talking to James isn’t going to make this situation better. Good luck, girl!
Post # 18
eloping I see where you are coming from… and even though I was married and while i agree that is was wrong… as i stated before I knew that we were having and innapropriate emotional relationship. But I do want to add that while it might have been innapropriate, I never allowed anything physical to happen even though i will admit I am very much attracted to him because I did not want to be a cheater.It definately did not help keep me married … but it made me realize that I wasnt worthless like my ex like to tell me I was. It made me realize that I would find someone else & that I could do anything i set my mind to. Honestly if it was not for James I probably would still be married to that loser just bc I was to afraid to leave.
I can tell you that it was not the cause of my marital problems, my husband and all his girlfriends & leaving us because he was falling for everyone of them was. He even volunteered for a 18 month long deployment so he could be with one of the girls he was just so in love with. Well that was short lived when she found out about me she didnt want him anymore. But i will admit the relationship I had with James did not help my marriage any, but honestly my marriage was hopeless I gave him more than once chance to turn things around and he just couldnt leave the other women alone , or stop partying and blowing money we didnt have. Actually I even tried to give my ex another chance after we got divorced. I am truely convienced he will never change, let me just give you an example.
Just as I imagined when he found out about our engagment via our daughter he called me everyday last week just wanting to talk and that eventually turned into a pitty party….& into wanting me back and there would never be another woman he would love and how there was no other woman for him.
Well lastnight I asked him about a girl that my daughter said she is everywhere her and daddy go & how daddy had a picture of them kissing on his computer. So he texting me telling me about this girl he just liked so much and sent me a picture of them kissing on new years and telling me how she was all he could think about and how she was so amazing the girl of his dreams and how he was falling so much in love with her but she doesnt want a realtionship with him because she is afraid to get hurt. He proceeds to tell me how he has never met anyone more special than her & he would never do anything to hurt her.
Now remember last week he wanted me & no one else. Well Just a few days before he was telling me his ex before me was coming over to “hang out” at his apartment. Then there is pictures on the internet of him kissing a girl (he cheated on me with ) at a club on Jan 19th(he didnt know I knew about that and still proceeded to lie till i told him of the proof … now he is so in love with this girl .
AND in the past 2 months he has gotten a new computer an I phone , a 52 inch plasma tv, a blue ray player, all new furniture, 3 new tattoos and yet he cant stay caught up on child support , or even have money to feed my daughter something other than the free food from where he works all the time or taking her to his moms to eat. And doesnt even have money to do what he tells her he is going to do… he called me yesterday and asked me if he could keep her longer afterschool to take her to a movie. I ask her about how the movie was… she said daddy didnt have money to go see a movie.
Back before christmas I asked him to pick up 2 boxes of candy canes to send to her school for a party … i forgot to send them with her… he informed me he couldnt until 2 days later because he didnt have the money until he got paid! DIDNT HAVE MONEY FOR 2 … 88 cent boxes of candy canes….
But yeah anyways i just felt the need to clarify that … the relationship with james is not what ruined my marriage.
Post # 19
MsH, you didnt have to provide any of that info but i thank you for your honesty. when you said deployment and depression i figured it was a minefield of pain and thats why i said i wasnt judging you because i have no right to do that
for me, i really think the imporant thing is to put your Fiance as your future focus for happiness as an equal partnership. if your Fiance emotionally satisifies you then i doubt you will need tthe outlet that James provided
he sounds like a beautiful angel that you needed at a very low point of your life – im glad you had someone to depend on
Post # 20
No I mean honestly I dont feel like I need James in my life anymore Andy gives me everything that James was giving me all of that emotional support and that emotional love & he is there for the physical side of things as well. He is my total package this I have no doubt about.
I guess the real issue I have is … I want James to still be somewhat in my life.. now like I said Andy knows about him & knows we talk & all and says he is ok with us keeping in touch because he understands how important he was to me at one point.
The thing is even though when we do have the occassional conversation via Yahoo or a email … we never cross any lines we never talk about things we shouldnt. I still feel guilty, I guess i feel guilty bc i still feel a connection with James & I know this is not right.
I know in my heart that the best thing to do is to just let go & i mean fully let go of James. I just dont know how to do this without hurting him & in turn hurting me.