Post # 1
Please read before voting!!
I know this is bad etiquette to send someone a save the date and not an invite. I am not disputing that. But, I feel like this case is the exception to the rule. We know this couple through mutual friends. We only invited them because we were invited to their wedding a few months back and they point blank asked if they were invited. I awkwardly said yes (my first mistake), so I felt when I sent out the save the dates that I had to send one to them ( my second mistake). At this point I fully intended to send them an invite. Then, last month when our mutual friends got married and both of them proceeded to get trashed. She got cut off and started yelling and cussing at the bar tender that she was fine. Then her husband came over and started yelling at her. Long story short, she couldn’t walk at the end of the night and she had slapped her husband in the face multiple times and caused a HUGE scene. The husband tried to fight the best man in the parking lot and as a result they were banned from hanging out with the group. In the past they have normally gotten a little too drunk and gotten in fights in front of everyone. And since they got married it’s been WAY worse.
After seeing what a scene they caused at our friends wedding and the “banning” I feel it is more than justified for me to not send them an invite. It’s been over 1 1/2 months since anyone saw or talked to them and we are all happier for it. What do you all think? Is it still horrible if I don’t incite them?
Post # 3
So you don’t want them at your wedding because you fear they may cause a scene?
Well in general I wouldn’t reccomend not sending one due to ettiquette but if you no longer wish to associate with this couple and you think its going to be a danger, than it could be an option.
Post # 4
It’s not just that I’m worried they will cause a scene. I am worried because they have been violent while drunk in the past and I REALLY don’t want that anywhere near me! He picked a fight with the best man at our friends wedding who is also in our wedding party. How do I know he won’t do it again?
Post # 5
I wouldnt want people like that in my life let alone my wedding. I say no invite, no way. Im sure they’ll understand why.
Post # 6
I say save yourself the drama and don’t invite them. However if they know where the wedding is to be held they may still show up and be even nastier than ever. The lack of invite may still cause a scene. I don’t know what to say other than not invite them and pray they let it go. I take it you have no plans to continue the friendship in the future?
Post # 7
Given that they behaved so badly at that other wedding, and if I were you I wouldn’t care about hurting their feelings, I’d say don’t invite them.
Post # 8
Yeah, in this case, I say forget about etiquette. If you don’t want that element to be part of your wedding day (which is how I would feel) and have no plans to associate with them again, then no invite.
Post # 9
I agree, if you no longer plan to be friends with these people, don’t invite them.
Post # 10
@Juliepants: one more vote for don’t invite them, if you don’t plan to be friends with them and they’ve been ousted from your social circle.
Post # 11
like some of the PPs mentioned, only skip the invite if you’re planning on cutting them out of your life completely. if you plan to still be friendly to them, you’ll be setting yourself up for even more drama.
Post # 12
I agree with everyone else, I wouldn’t invite them if you dont want to associate with them anymore.
Post # 13
Here’s what I’m doing about the “possibles”.
Hey bouncer, big bar tender, coodinator, security garud? I have a few people x,y,z those two at table 3 with black hair that might get out of hand, at the first sign of trouble please remove them from the scene.
Post # 14
I second simplifiedbride’s answer! Sometimes it’s better to prevent the drama. If you’re not planning to invite them, I would tell them in person or at least call them (even if it’s been a month) to explain your situation and not have them discover it on their own that they weren’t invited.
Post # 15
If neither you nor your friends have spoken with them in a month and a half, they probably won’t initiate communication again just to ask where their invitation is. I’m sure they are embarrassed and won’t bring it up.
Post # 16
No, I have NO plans to be friends with them anymore. The only reason we ever saw them was in group situations. Now that the group has decided to no longer hang out with this couple because of all of their drama and violence we may never see them again. That’s why I feel pretty comfortable in my decision to not invite them. But, I do know that it’s bad etiquette and I know I would be upset if someone sent me a save the date and not an invite. They don’t know where the wedding is being held or what time if they did figure it out. The only the the save the date said was the date and city.