Is it important to you that your kid(s) grow up near one set of grandparents?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would it be okay if your kid(s) grow up away from their grandparents?
    No, I want my children to be close to my parents and in-laws. : (10 votes)
    18 %
    It would be nice to have atleast one set of grandparetns living nearby. : (46 votes)
    82 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    656 posts
    Busy bee

    It’s something that has always been really important to me. I grew up close to my G-parents and we were over there all the time. Same with DH. Unfortunately, our closest family is 3 hours away and the others are 7 hours away. We don’t have kids yet but have been ttc for a while. Sometimes I think God is waiting to bless us until we can get closer to one of them since it’s something we are in the process of doing and something we really want. I also love the idea of a kid growing up with their gpa and gma being involved in their school activities and sports. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    6923 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Your poll is missing the option that your kids don’t grow up near either set of grandparents, which will most likely be the case for our kids.

    I grew up in the same small town as my dad’s parents. They are fine but I’m much closer to my maternal grandparents who live across the country. So I really don’t see it as a necessity or important for our future kids to live near thier grandparents. Close bonds can be formed despite the distance, especially with today’s technology.

    Right now we are planning on TTC next August. So if things go as planned our first little one will have one set of grandparents 3 hours away and the other set 8 hours away.  And even if it takes longer than we hope we don’t intend on moving closer to either set any time soon. We are currently probably the closest we will ever be to my parents (3 hours away) unless they move.

    In fact, after my husband gets his PhD he may consider doing his post-doc abroad because it could be an amazing opportunity. And I think doing what’s best for my husband and myself career-wise and just in living our lives in the most fulfilling way we can is ultimately going to be more important for our kids than living down the street from grandparents.

    And quite frankly, just for my sanity I think it’s important to have some space from my parents and my in-laws.

    Post # 4
    Member
    211 posts
    Helper bee

    I grew up with one set of grandparents right next door and it was amazing. It’s really important to me. We live right next door to my DH in laws and I wouldn’t change it. In my perfect world both sets would be close but my parents live 2000 miles away. I love that my future kids will have their grandparents right here.

    Post # 5
    Member
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Your poll didn’t have an option for “it wouldn’t matter to me if they grew up away” 

    my parents are divorced and remarried, plus some grandparents are divorced and remarried, so I have 5 sets of grandparents- a few of those raised me while my parents got their shit together (they were 21 when I was born). I’m SUPER close with most of my grandparents and have a better relationship with them than my parents…that said, I’m not close with either set of my own parents and I don’t like FI’s dad/stepmom and his mom is a helicopter mom (even though my FI is 27, he’s an only child), so I’d be fine if my kids grew up away from their grandparents. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1356 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I grew up over a continent away from grandparents and it’s not important to me. 

    We’ve just moved to a new city 8 hours away from both sets of parents and will ttc later this year. I’d be just fine with having no parents around our kids and tbh I’d prefer as little interference as possible but my parents are trying to move to our new city. I’m OK either way

    Post # 7
    Member
    1703 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    I grew up within 10 miles of both sets of grandparents and I’m really close to both sides. So ideally, yes I would prefer that my inlaws or parents are close and any kids could have a close relationship with them. However, it’s not feasible for us. My inlaws live in another country and we’ve moved away from my parents due to careers. In an ideal world, there would be the same opportunities and career advancement near my parents but there isn’t so we either take a significant drop in careers and salaries or our kids don’t grow up around the corner from their grandparents.

    Post # 8
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2017 - NOLA

    I grew up very close with my grandma, in fact she is pretty much the one who raised me (unfortunately she passed away a year ago this month), so any children we have will not get to know how wonderful she was. My set of parents though, I prefer my children never meet, and they most likely won’t. His parents, on the other hand, don’t live far away and will want to see their grandchildren everyday. It’s very subjective…but if you are close with your parents, it’s nice to have that bond. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3748 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Growing up I lived 20 minutes from one set of grandparents but we were not close at all and didn’t see them often. I am 32 weeks pregnant with my first and my parents live 2.5-3 hours away and DH’s dad lives 5 hours away. Even though they live far, I know they will be MUCH more involved in my child’s life than my grandparents were in mine. My mom is retired and is going to come live with us for 6 months after my maternity leave runs out. We make an effort to see both of our parents frequently (and they also visit us frequently) and I know this will continue when baby girl arrives. So although I would like to be a bit closer for convenience sake, I don’t think the distance will be that big of a deal. Plus, I’m sure we will Skype/FaceTime very frequently as well!

    edit: but I would hate to move outside of driving distance. Being a plane ride away would be very tough for me and for them. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    629 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I wish my kids had grandparents /any family at all  nearby to us,  but unfortunately that’s not the case.  That alone sometimes makes us think we should move closer to them, but career wise that’s just not a good choice for us.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    2399 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

    I didn’t have any gpa involved in my childhood. DD has both sets nearby (10 min… arguably too close). I thought my mom would be super hands on. Turns out DH father is a doting grandpa. He takes her to the children’s museum and zoo on a regular basis. He plans to watch her when I go back to work saving us a ton on childcare. He has also been at every gymnastics class.

     

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    2005 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 29th, 2016

    kfen7 :  I grew up living in the same household as my grandma and we were very close. I lost her this March and I feel like I lost a parent. She raised me alongside my mom and I wouldn’t be who I am today without her. With that being said, it is very important to me that my mom and hubby’s parents see our future children as much as possible. In our next home, I’d like to have at least a room (would love an in-law suite) for our parents to stay and eventually, when she’s ready, I do want my mother to live with us. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3030 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I have a 2 month old and we live near my parents as well as my 2 sisters who have a 4 month old and brand new baby. I love being so near family, but we’ll probably move next year for my husband’s career unfortunately. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    524 posts
    Busy bee

    I grew up with lots of family nearby and have some fond memories, but there was a huge feud and now no one talks to each other. I’ve since moved 1500 miles away and never plan on moving back. We live near DH’s sibling which we love, but ultimately no, being near family is not super important to us. We have much more opportunity where we are, and at this point I feel what’s most important is surrounding yourself with healthy, stable people — whether its blood-related or not.

    Post # 15
    Member
    700 posts
    Busy bee

    We live 5 minutes away from one set of parents & 10 minutes away from the other. We will most likely build a house (in about 5 years) beside his parents. Family is a huge priority to us!

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