(Closed) Is it impossible to make new friends when you're not single?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it easy for you to make new friends now that you're in a serious relationship?
    Yes, he and I go out and make new friends together : (12 votes)
    10 %
    Yes, I meet new friends through things I do on my own : (53 votes)
    45 %
    No, I stick more to my current friends and my FI/DH/BF : (53 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    NYC is hard to make friends!! I recommend joining Zog Sports or New York Social Sports Club. Not sure your age, but thats a great scene for people in their 20s.  I loved it when we were a little younger – we’re in our 30s now so we feel a little ‘old’ with the kids coming right out of school.

    Making friends at the gym is really tough. Maybe join like a bootcamp where its the same people week after week, that might have more commradarie.

    Darling Husband & I have taken sailing lessons at Sail Manhattan in Battery Park City. It’s a great group of people and they have a sailing club there.  It’s pricey though.

    If you are into cooking, I highly recommend taking a couples cooking class at Institute of Culinary Education. They have them on Friday & Saturday nights and you get paired up with other couples. It’s a lot of fun and you meet new people!

    Post # 18
    Member
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    It’s hard. It doesn’t have anything to do for us with being engaged for us as it does living somewhere where we know no one like you guys in NYC. It’s hard to make friends when you aren’t in school I think bc that’s pretty much how people make friends growing up. I had a pt job last yr but the people were all younger than me or older and not in the same life stage as us. My real job there’s one girl but she’s a bitch and I would never hang out with her outside of work. :/

     

    I live in a cool area and there’s a lot of young people but we don’t really go out and drink at the bars. So I have no idea how to help either besides looking on meetup.com. Someone recommended it to me after college when I moved back home and a lot of my friends no longer lived in the area.

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    12246 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I was definitely a hermit during our engagement! I made friend before, I’ve been making friends since I got pregnant… But I was a TOTAL hermit while we were engaged! I just wanted to be lovey-dovey all day long!

    Post # 20
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    There’s a cool place called Brooklyn Brainery that offers all different kinds of crazy classes that are inexpensive. We just took a poker class  there but they have TONS of interesting topics to choose from. If you took a class or two without your Fiance, you would definitely meet some new people.

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    4031 posts
    Honey bee

    @PromiseRooster:  Life doesn’t end sociallly after you get engaged/married!

    Yes, it is nice to make friends as a couple, but remember, you are still an individual human being that is allowed to have your own friends. I personally think it is healthier to have friends on your own. You and your Fiance are NOT the exact same person with the exact same interests. Yes, you should have common interests and activities, but it is normal and a good thing to explore your own interests. 

    My Darling Husband and I have been together for 10 years, we do things together (go out to eat, go on hikes, play with our dogs, play board games) and hang out with other couples, but we also do things separately. He loves to play recreational baseball, does a pick-up basketball league and watches sports with friends pretty frequently. I on the other hand love doing crafts, like running, hang out on the wedding be Wink and like getting drinks with my friends. It makes life more interesting to go out, do things and come back and talk about our experiences.

    I would encourage you to go out and do some exploration on your own! Are there any art schools, sports leagues, interest groups or local hangouts near you? I have tried beer testing classes, drawing lessons, photography classes, cooking classes, young professionals networking events, free music festivals/shows and lots of places where people gather. It’s a great way to meet new people that might already share an interest with you!

    Post # 22
    Member
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We moved cross-country after getting married and have made a lot of new friends – both separately, and together. Definitely not impossible! You just have to put yourself out there :-).

    Post # 23
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee

    @PromiseRooster:  I second joining a team sport.  I play netball (australian sport) for my local club.  I got graded into a team of girls who are roughly 3-4 years younger than me.  It took a while, but after a season of playing and training together (plus gossiping before, during and after games) and we became great friends.  I’ve been invited to all their 21sts this year, and we do end of season dinners.  We even started playing weeknights to improve our skills.

    I’ve been with my SO for nearly 7 years, and most of my friends are people I’ve ‘stolen’ from his circle of high school friends, girls and guys.  However, if I’m feeling like letting loose and having a girly clubbing night, I go with the netball girls.  They’re young enough that they go every weekend anyway, and are happy for me to tag along (though they’ve started joking that now I’m almost 24, I won’t be allowed in all the young people clubs soon! biatches).

    Post # 24
    Member
    1639 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I am currently in school so I make a lot of friends on campus who subsequently come over and meet Fiance and then we include them in our existing circle of friends because our existing circle is full of marrieds and they want friends too, lol!

    So far I’ve done this with three of my new friends. And then I’ve got a handful that I just hang out with or chat on FB or whatever. :3

    I am not sure what I’ll do AFTER college, though, lol. Hopefully have enough time to get a hobby!

    Post # 25
    Member
    2874 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    its sounds like you like the idea of new friends in theory but not in practice. hanging out with new people doesnt necessarily mean partying with single women =) i think its important that your SO is your priority but not your entire world.

    eg im married and every 10days to 2 weeks ill meet up with a new friend i just met from a pregnant women’s group, we go for lunch or a prenatal massage. or shopping to look at baby stuff. its nothing crazy but its nice to hang out with a woman sometimes. I love my husband, but for me having friends is very important too. Once a month i go to an expat group which meets at a bar (i live in mexico) even though i can’t drink now and i always meet new people there. obviously i go out with Darling Husband too, either for dates or in groups with other couples

    right now, the new people i meet are related to pregnancy/baby groups. otherwise i would try fitness classes, cooking classes or another hobby

    Post # 26
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee

    @PromiseRooster:  Loving, healthy relationships include a whole lot of compromise.  Even if he is a bit of a homebody, he should be willing to step outside his comfort zone a couple times a month and do something social with you.  That is not asking too much.  At the very least, he should encourage you to do things on your own, if only because he knows that social interaction is important to you, and makes you happy.

    Post # 27
    Member
    3052 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    if you plan on having babies, i wouldnt worry too too much. once women become moms, they tend to gravitate and make friends with other moms/parents. my SO and i are CBC so i have a strong feeling i’ll go through exactly what you are when we move out of state….except not be able to eventually make friends at lamaze (sp?) and mommy and me classes =/

    luckily? i have only a couple of friends as it is now and we don’t actually hang out very often so i don’t anticipate a huge adjustment lol

    Post # 28
    Member
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @PromiseRooster:  I was just thinking about this! I don’t really want to go out and make the friends, but I like having them. Also, it’s a good idea because of the points that have already been made about it being healthy etc. Nope, it’s not impossible to make new friends.

    I make a conscious effort to do things that might put me in contact with other women. Today, I did a women’s duathalon (running/cycling) alone and then made a point to try and chat with the other ladies. I ended up going for post race breakfast and exchanging numbers with one of them. We’re going to go for a bike ride sometime.

    Through this same event, I also learned of a Friday swim class that some of these same women go to. I think I’ll check it out too. I think sporty activities really create a good environment for making friends. (Or maybe it works for me because I enjoy myself and show my best self as a result?)

    The thing I always try to keep in mind is: The other ladies who are out and about might be looking to make a new friend too! 

    Post # 29
    Member
    1573 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I was up feeding my baby at 3am reading the baby section then browsed the other boards I lived in NYC 7 years (there are a gazillion things to do and miss NYC because of this) and was still making new friends with baby and husband the thing is to put yourself out there at events where you actually socialize and designed to speak to other people gym is very solitary as are fitness classes doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Here are ways I found meeting people and I always found new acquaintances who always wanted to hang out: meetup – mostly   ladies groups they are designed for making friends some of my longest friendships came from here, they eventually got boyfriends and we all attended each others wedding and still had brunch, happy hour after we coupled up with and without our hubbies/ fiances; I just put myself out there once I found working and going straight home was not going to cut it; I became a big apple greeter, met a nice lady at orientation we attended a tour together and started hanging out having drinks; went to salsa class met a friend there we would hang out as a group after til eventually I got close to one classmate and had brunch every so and went to each others wedding; I went on NYC foot tours and chatted with someone in the group we exchanged numbers every time something cool came up we text each other and invite the other ie tickets to a TV show like the view; I volunteered at the NYC marathon and met tons of people there (got asked out by a marathoner too as he crossed the finish line, haha)volunteered through one brick and met tonsof people); found a fashion gig to volunteer for on craigslist and met someone who recommended how to volunteer for fashion week where I met some cool people I became close to one and we’d invite each other out when we knew of a cool fashion gig to volunteer for, I watched the free cultural events in the park like the philharmonic orchestra and opera on my own since no one I knew liked it met someone nearby and we chatted, I signed up for extra roles in movies by college kids and met people some are still Facebook friends etc etc you do stuff you meet people some you may not see again others become friends you see if you look each other up and invite each other for the same activity others you find long lasting friendship , even pregnant I joined a pregnancy group and met a ton of new friends in the same life stage…you get the gist the thing is you need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there by yourself no one ever approaches a couple no one wants to encroach on their privacy; when you’re alone you are easier to talk to also go places and do things alone few times a week I watched the opera at Bryant park and sat by a nice lady we started chatting and wound up watching operas together (it’s one of my things) eventually you connect you exchange emails you start contacting each other and hanging out you make friends your friends will have friends you meet at parties you keep getting invited, then your friends settle into relationships maybe others may not then couples hang out but don’t rely on your fiancé if he’s shy and don’t blame him that’s just his thing but keep expanding your horizons find an interest and start talking to people, don’t count work friends out they may have parties or happy hours and other circles you meet, my friends ranged from 20’s -30’s my acquaintances 20’s-60’s in age, it depends on my interest I do not  count someone out based on age, it started with a common interest and connecting; we moved to Florida 6 weeks ago  I still put myself out there joined a mom group at the hospital and go the nursery rhymes at the library and meet with a mom group all with my baby at the park do I have friends yet? No way but I am meeting new people and moms recognize me in the different groups I attend, I went to one group and recognized and chatted with 6 other moms I saw at my other groups and had lunch with one and its a start. Will you make friends every time? Of course no but you must keep trying; I tried talking to one mom but she shut down on me the next time I went to that group she was going home alone while I was still chatting with other moms and had lunch with one so if you are not open you get nothing back. My hubby loves sports and meets new friends at sports bars and made a friend through sports he connected so well with we were invited to their wedding afterhanging  with him and his fiancé. We all have different interests but you get back what you put in good luck soooo much to doin NYC this is only half of what I did I can PM you with links if you want I have a list I give to people I met who just moved to the city looking for cool things to do oh I also danced in 4 flash mobs and did Zumba and met tons of people

    Post # 30
    Member
    3400 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    It’s hard for me to make friends even when I am single, & now that I am married, I basically only have my 2 long distance best friends.

    Admittedly, I hardly even have the time to try, so it’s mostly my own fault.

    Post # 31
    Member
    9951 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Older Bee here…

    Life changes with the various phases you go thru

    In some ways it is harder to make new friends after you finish school… especially so if you have moved to a new location / city

    BUT I can assure you it is possible…

    You will just find new ways to make it happen now that you are older

    Work – Sports – Hobbies – Interests – Volunteering are all great sources

    Find stuff YOU like to do, and it’ll eventually happen naturally

    I WANTED TO VOTE YES & YES (see you can only vote 1x in this Poll)

    Cause over the years I’ve made friends both on my own (GFs)

    As well as friends we met together (mostly couples)

    We socialize a variety of ways in the course of a month… he plays Sports with his Guy Friends, I hang with my GFs, and we also spend time with our couple friends…

    Hope this helps,

     

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