Is it impossible to make new friends when you're not single?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it easy for you to make new friends now that you're in a serious relationship?
    Yes, he and I go out and make new friends together : (12 votes)
    10 %
    Yes, I meet new friends through things I do on my own : (53 votes)
    45 %
    No, I stick more to my current friends and my FI/DH/BF : (53 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 34
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    NYC is tough because everyone is so busy all the time.  When I got married, I could no longer sustain my single social schedule here because it was too overwhelming.  My husband and I are both from the area and have a lot of old friends we have known for 15+ years.  We actually wound up mostly blowing off extra “acquaintances” that we didn’t know as well so we could pare back our social obligations.  We try to get out of the city on weekends which has the side effect of minimizing spare time when we are here.

    Post # 35
    Member
    135 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Both my Fiance and I are introverts so it’s double hard to convince each other to go out and mingle… 

    Post # 36
    Member
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @PromiseRooster:  I think age is more of a factor than relationship status. Once I was out of school and “grown up” it was hard to find the time or inclination to meet new friends. We have a good group now, and I can’t imagine it expanding very much.

    Post # 37
    Member
    11232 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t particularly want or need new friends (trust issues), but we didn’t really find it hard to make new ones. Starting new jobs/going back to school helped–DH has made several new friends doing both of those things. I work with a bunch of old dudes so we don’t hang out or anything.

    Post # 38
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @PromiseRooster:  Man do I know how you feel.  I’m normally extroverted but just kinda shy approaching people I don’t know.  New Yorkers just put out such an “in the zone” kind of vibe and the situations never seem right.  I would feel weird just trying to chat with the girl next to me on the eliptical.  I’m horrible at anything that requires coordination, so sports just never seemed like an option to me.  Shockingly I just got back from a random couples camping weekend that my Fiance set up.  He has a motorcycle and made “couple friends” at the garage where he stores his bike.  I feel like I’m in a biker gang… Besides that some of the most fun I’ve had meeting up with strangers was the recent  NYC weddingbee meetup.   Those girls are awesome!  Maybe it is time for another!

    Post # 39
    Member
    2531 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I made some new friends at work, and also a new friend on a cruise out of NYC.

    You know you should go out by yourself if you’re really concerned. Think of it this way… would you drag your Fiance with you if you were going to hang out with your girlfriends? If not, then I think it’s perfectly fine for you to leave him to his own devices while you go out and try to make some friends.

    NYC is great for that, too – meetups, community projects, classes, crazy events (giant pillow fights? random improv groups?), I am certain there is something you can start doing to help make some new friends.

    Post # 40
    Member
    7372 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I don’t find making new friends difficult. Currently i’m taking my running more seriously and joined a running group. You just have to find an activity that you enjoy and put yourself out there. Meetup.com has great groups to join as well. Or volunteer. know with your shortage of time it will be difficult, but if this really important to you, you will find away. G/L

     

    Post # 41
    Member
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I feel like it’s hard to find young people who aren’t into getting shitfaced at the bar anymore but don’t have kids. We’re in an in between stage I suppose. I told my fi about meetup after posting that and looking at the groups near me. He acted like I meant meeting random weirdos from craigslist. Ugh! The meet up groups are like single girls wanting to go out or mom groups=( but maybe I will take a yoga class or zumba. All I want is some genuine girls to go out to lunch with or do girl things with.

    Post # 42
    Member
    5283 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    There are some great suggestions here that can help me too! 

    I will say that my issue is a little bit different then yours because we do have an established circle of friends, however, due to kids we NEVER see anyone except for 1 couple. We want to meet new people but at this stage in our lives, everyone we meet has a kid or is about to have a kid. 

    My husband and I have been discussing ways that we can meet other people (preferably couples who don’t have kids) but are not having much luck. However, some of these suggestions I read may help! 

    I will say though, is we usually meet people on our own, then if they have a SO, introduce them to each other. I find it is easier to connect with one person and then hope that your SO connects with their SO as well. It is a total diamond in the rogh situation to try to find a couple you both connect with, but we are not going to give up! 

    Post # 43
    Member
    145 posts
    Blushing bee

    @PromiseRooster:  My dearest friends were married when I met them – I was a single. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    2036 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @PromiseRooster:  Okay so I’m not engaged but nearlywed (live together, we have a familiy of dogs, as soon as he finishes school he says we will get married), and I have made a few VERY good friends while I was in my current 3 year relationship.  I am apart of clubs and find things to get into so that I can make sure I have friends no matter what.

    I will say this though-BF and I have set plans to leave the city and the state that we live in.  I do ponder what it will be like to start COMPLETELY from scratch, but if I were you, I’d find a club or something to join, or start a sport, or find a communitiy education class (heck I’m sure you can find a wine tasting 1 hr a week class somewhere in NYC) and I’m sure the social lubrication will help you to make new friends for at least 1 hr a week!  Good luck!

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