(Closed) Is it IMproper to NOT invite the officiant to my rehearsal dinner?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Mmmm, tough call. Since he’s standing there rehearsing with you, and people are invariably going to mention it, and you’d like the best “performance” out of him the following day, I’d say etiquette-wise it leans towards including him. If you decide not to, don’t emphasize dinner after. Or you might consider giving him a gift card for a resturant as his Thank You gift.

Good luck!

 

Post # 4
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Isn’t the point of having a rehearsal dinner to have everyone who is participating in the wedding get together to go over everything???

I could be wrong.

Post # 5
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I always thought it wasn’t necessary to include your officiant in your rehearsal dinner unless he/she was a clergyperson who you know well (i.e. your family’s pastor who you grew up with).  If you just hired a justice of the peace, or a pastor you don’t know well, I don’t think it’s necessary.  I’d be surprised if he was insulted.  Certainly it’d be a nice gesture if you have room and can afford it, but honestly, he might be relieved to not feel obligated to attend a dinner where he knows no one.

Post # 6
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I checked with my DOC about needing to invite our officiant since it was the same situation as what you are describing…we spoke with him on the phone to interview him and that was about it.  The DOC (who knew the officiant well) said he would not expect an invite to the dinner or reception.  Our rehearsal and welcome party had time in-between so it wasn’t like the wedding party was running from one to the next.

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Whether it’s totally right or not, I would invite him. It seems rude to include everyone else that is at the rehearsal and not include the officiant. If you don’t know him very well, won’t going to the rehearsal help that? Hearing everyone talk about you, getting to know some of the family members, etc? I understand cutting numbers, but cutting the person that is going to be responsible for the most important part of your wedding day doesn’t seem like a smart idea to me.

Post # 9
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We’re inviting our minister and his wife even though we aren’t close with them.  I feel it’s probably the right thing to do since he is part of the rehearsal and we are inviting everyone else that will be at the rehearsal. 

Post # 10
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would invite the officiant and his wife (if he has one).  If he doesn’t know you two well, he will probably decline anyways.

Post # 11
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

I would extend an invitation but expect that the pastor would probably decline.

Post # 12
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t really know; I’m probably not going to invite our official because it’s the exact same scenario as yours: we’re hiring him for the rehearsal and the wedding.  Honestly, it hadn’t even crossed my mind to invite him and his wife to the rehearsal dinner (bad qui40067!) simply because to me – as terrible as this may sound – it’s a business deal.  Exactly the same as it would be as hiring a JP to conduct the wedding.  I wouldn’t invite the JP to the rehearsal dinner, so why would I invite the officiant?

It makes a world of sense if the pastor marrying you is your family pastor or someone you’ve known for a super long time or the person who conducted your premarital counseling but if it’s someone you don’t know…just seems awkward to me.  :/

Post # 13
Member
14702 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you should extend the invitation. 

Post # 14
Member
29 posts
Newbee

You do not need to invite him; he is one of your vendors.

He will be at the rehearsal, natch, but the dinner is for your family and friends.

As a photographer I always go to the rehearsal, but never to the dinner.  I don’t expect to be invited, and I have politely declined on the occasions where I have been invited.

You do not need to feel obligated in any way!

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