(Closed) Is it inappropriate to ask MOB for financial help with shower?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I understand how you could feel a little hurt, however it is the hostess job to pay for the shower. Since you agreed to host it ettiquette states that you should not ask others to chip in. Maybe scale some things back and research inexpensive party ideas. Hope you feel better.

Post # 4
Member
6742 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

etiquette, shmetiquette – I haven’t been to a single bridal shower my entire life that wasn’t hosted by the bride’s family members.  The new rule is that it’s OK for the family members to host the shower.  Don’t feel stupid.  MOB should feel cheap and ungenerous – it’s for her own daughter.

Just do what you can afford.  Scale back as much as possible.  The bride should be gracious no matter what type of shower it is. 

Post # 5
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I guess technically you’re not supposed to ask, but wow. Kind of bitchy on her end. 

Post # 6
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wedding showers don’t have to be expensive, and there are three of you so that shouldn’t be too bad. MOBs don’t have to chip in, but every wedding I have been in the MOB has helped a little especially since its her daughter getting married.

Post # 7
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jojove1025:  her mom sounds smug. I mean, etiquette-wise, yes the host pays for the party. But if someone (someone you’ve known for 30 years) came and humbly asked for your help (help hosting a party for your OWN child), you’d leave that person high and dry for the sake of etiquette? Come on. Sounds to me like she just didn’t WANT to help and used that as an excuse.

 

Post # 8
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No, MOB don’t usually pay for the bridal shower. If you agreed to host the shower, you are responsible for paying for it. I wouldn’t be too embarassed – just move on and forget about it!

Post # 9
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@futuremrsk18:  I have to strongly disagree with you. The MOB is quite possibly paying for a host of other things. Traditionally the bride’s family does pay for the wedding after all. Maybe she just couldn’t afford to help, and this was her way of saving her own face by pulling up the etiquette card. Honestly, she’s right too. The hosts are supposed to pay.

Post # 10
Member
8440 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve been to many showers where the MOB contributed financially. I think it’s a nice thing to do, since technically they are not supposed to host.

Post # 11
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@jojove1025:  it i’s the hostess job to cover it, but that mom was rude. wowza

Post # 12
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Almost every shower I have ever been to (over 20) has been paid for at least in part by the MOB.  What a jerk!  Sorry she acted like that OP.

Post # 13
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

in my social circle, while the MOBs don’t technically “host” the shower, they always contribute the majority financially.  As a BM/MOH, I have never had to ask a MOB to contirbute financially, she just lays it out there and lets us know.  Most of the time, we plan the shower with the MOB, but other times MOB plans it and just puts our name as hosts on the invite.  Both of my showers were prob appx $2500-5000 and I’d never expect a non-family member to pay so much for a shower!  Sure, you can do it cheaper than that if you host at someone’s house, but it’s still going to cost between decorations, food, etc.  

Post # 14
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Yeah, the MOB isn’t supposed to pay for the shower. But come on, if she knows your particular situation and if she is able to help, it was a very unkind response. Hopefully the other bridesmaids are cooperating. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
6742 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@GoldStar:  Her statement that “MOBs don’t pay for showers” is very wrong, though.  They DO pay for showers.  They’ve paid for every shower I’ve ever been to.  I still think that the OP had every right to ask for financial help in assisting the MOB’s own daughter’s shower – and if she didn’t have the money, the answer should have been, “I’m sorry, I didn’t budget for that b/c MOBs don’t traditionally host the shower so I didn’t think I’d have to help out and I just can’t afford to right now.” 

Post # 16
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@jojove1025:  my mother paid for my entire shower and asked my Bridesmaid or Best Man to pitch in some money for little things and she was the host.

The topic ‘Is it inappropriate to ask MOB for financial help with shower?’ is closed to new replies.

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