(Closed) Is it inappropriate to ask to meet ex husbands fiancée?

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Is it inappropriate?
    Yes : (30 votes)
    17 %
    No : (142 votes)
    83 %
  • Post # 3
    4031 posts
    Honey bee

    @ShutterbugCait:  Sorry, incorrectly voted! I meant to say no, it’s not inappropriate. If someone is going to be around your children and potentially involved with their care when you are not present, you have every right to meet her. Just keep it cordial 🙂

    Post # 4
    1805 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    You have every right to know the woman who is going to be step mom to your children

    Post # 5
    946 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I think it’s perfectly fine and a nice gesture. 

    Post # 6
    148 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I dont think its innapproprite at all.  in fact, its necessary and shows your maturity level.  Nothing worse than people resorting to teenage behaivor whith exes when children are involved!  It drives me crazy!  You sound well adjusted and responsible, and you sound like you are want to go into this open and wanting to communicate. What a good mommy 🙂  


    sounds like your ex might be a harder person to come around, but I hope he keep his kids in mind.  Good luck!

    Post # 8
    1992 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @ShutterbugCait:  I would INSIST to meet her too!

    My brother has a baby momma from a previous relationship and he always insists on meeting the person that baby momma dates seriously BEFORE the kids do just to have a talk and make sure he’s a suitable person to be around his daughter…

    Definitely be nice because you’re mature adults but DO MEET HER! 

    Post # 9
    4311 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you didn’t have children, it’d be totally weird — but you have such a valid reason for doing so!  And if they truly do get married it’s better to be on good terms for the sake of your 2 girls.

    Post # 11
    2863 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Yes because of your kids you have a right to meet her HOWEVER since he is not seeing the kids I would not bring it up. I mean what can you say ” Hey I was FB stalking you and saw your engaged”? If and when he brings up vistation then that would be the approproate time. 

    Post # 13
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I voted No INCORRECTLY. Legally you do not have the RIGHT to meet her, unless it is specified in the divorce decree custody arrangement.  Now, the father of your children SHOULD have the common decency to introduce the mother of his children to his fiance.  But, does he really have manners and common decency?


    You say I just want to meet her and let her see I’m not a monster

    Here’s the deal.  This is not about you.  This has nothing to do with you.  Sure, you can SAY…. but I’m the mother of these girls and it’s about them.  However, when you and their dad divorced you gave up the right to have 100% say or control over what goes on when they are with their dad. 


    You say I also would like a good relationship between all of us

    You aren’t going to have a RELATIONSHIP with this woman.  The six of you aren’t going to have a relationship.  You and your girls’ dad are going to communicate ABOUT THE GIRLS only.  He’s made it perfectly clear he DOESN’T want to all be adults and have a relationship where you all get along.  So, you have an unrealistic expectation.  Continuing to believe he is going to be the same kind of parent you are is not going to work out well for you…. or for your girls.  because it’s going to add tension and it’s going to confuse your girls.  Plus, if you meet her and don’t like her….. what are you going to do then?  You can’t say anything.  What if he met your Fiance and then said “I don’t like him”.  All that would do is just make you mad. 


    Yes, it doesn’t look good that his desire to see his kids has DROPPED off now that he’s in a relationship.  Typically, the OPPOSITE happens…. simply because who WANTS to look like they don’t want their kids.  So, I question the type of woman he is with…. if she knows he has kids and is either ok believing that he isn’t doing everything he can to see them….. or is ok being with someone who doesn’t want their kids around.


    It’s REALLY hard to let go of control of our kids lives.  Believe me, I have been there.  Your girls are in a shitty place.  But the relationship issues they are going to have when they are older are already going to be difficult because of the relationship between you and their dad, not because of their dad by himself and not because you didn’t meet girls he dated.  Don’t add to the mess by making it worse.  Your job as a divorced mom is to help YOUR GIRLS cope.  Not by controlling what situations they are in….. but by teaching them how to not worry about things they can’t control.  By teaching them not to have unrealistic expectations of their dad.  And by letting their dad change and become a good father…. should he ever decide to do so.  THAT is your job as a mom. 

    Post # 14
    799 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    As soon as i read “we have children” i voted no. 

    Post # 15
    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @3xaCharm:  You aren’t going to have a RELATIONSHIP with this woman.  The six of you aren’t going to have a relationship.

    I don’t think the OP is implying she wants a relationship where they all go out for brunch.  Relationships don’t have to be highly intimate.  My mother and stepmother had a good relationship that worked in favor of my siblings and me.  They weren’t buddies, but my mom could call my stepmom to pick me up from soccer practice.  And, when my sister and I had problems in school or something, both sets of parents could talk to one another in an appropriate manner to make sure they were all on the same page.  They were all four helping to shape us as we grew up and my stepmother and stepfather were parents, too, not just my mother and father.  It was a very large dynamic.  

    So, personally, no, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to want to meet this woman and establish a relationship with her.  

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