- 9 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
I plan to have 4-5 bridesmaids in my wedding, which isn’t for a couple of years, but I’m thinking about it now. I recently had an engagement party with only 22 people in attendance, and it just so happened that the friends I invited will most likely be my BMs! I did struggle with the guest list and there were some friends that were a little pissy that they weren’t invited, but my mom paid a nice amount per head and gave me a limit so I had to do what I had to do!
One situation in particular bothers me though… In HS me and 3 other friends were pretty much inseparable. Over the years, now that we live far apart, it has been made more apparent who I am closest to of these 3. So I only invited the 2 girls I’m closest to, to my engagement party. I felt bad about my 3rd friend, but I put it out of my mind. I knew eventually she’d find out though, and I’d have to face her. The catch is, I hardly speak to the 3rd friend (let’s call her T). The only time I talk to her is if the other two (A & C) are involved, but T and I rarely talk one on one.
What makes it awkward though is that I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in T’s wedding about 3 years ago. (A was her Maid/Matron of Honor and C was not in it.) When T asked me to be in her wedding, I actually did not accept at first. We ended up having a heart-to-heart conversation and I told her I didn’t feel that she was a good friend to me because of some things she had done to me in the past (mostly involving her not paying me back money), and I didn’t want to be fake by being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. We hashed it out and decided that I would be in it but SHE had to pay for my dress and shoes! Yeah, real genuine involvement, I know. I really did it because I kind of felt bad for her. She doesn’t have that many close firends b/c she’s really NOT a good friend in general, and a couple of girls, including our friend C, had declined her invitation (some for financial reasons, but C specifically had a conflict with her and they had fallen out). The other two BM’s along with me and A ended up being her husband’s two sisters.
Sooo, I didn’t invite T to my engagement party and I’m definitely not asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. It just so happens that she is going through a divorce from her husband of like 1 1/2 years right now, so if and when I speak to her, I will likely tell her that I didn’t include her b/c I know she’s going through a divorce and I didn’t think it was approproate to make her a part of my events when she was going through something so difficult. I would also like to be honest and tell her it is also b/c I talk to A & C regularly, but her and I don’t talk unless we’re all 4 doing something together. I’m hoping she’ll accept this response. I’m not so much worried about ruining our friendship as I am hurting her feelings.
T made a comment the other day on one of my engagment photos on FB with me and all my girls… something like “Awww nice picture”. So now I know she officially knows.
How should I broach the topic with her? Should I reach out and just let her know about the party and my explanation for not inviting her (her divorce and the fact that we don’t KIT). Or should I not say anything?
One example of why I don’t feel we’re close (as if I don’t have enough) is that last week she posted pics on FB of herself graduating from a pretty pretigious university. We’re both 29 (I graduated at 21), and she has a 10-year old so this is a big accomplishment for her. But I did not know she was in school, much less a pretigious one, and had no idea she was graduating!! I feel like that’s something a good friend would have told me. I actually attended the graduation last year of one of my other potential BMs! That’s what friends do!
I just know she feels a certain way that she’s seeing these pics and wasn’t invited. I didn’t even tell her I am engaged, although it’s on FB so I’m assuming she knows.
What should I do ladies? Reach out? Don’t say anything? Wait for her to reach out?