(Closed) Is it just me?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
2680 posts
Sugar bee

Hi NewlyWed_09!  Welcome to Weddingbee 🙂  I havent gone through this because most of my friends are getting married the same year as me so we are able to talk about everything together.  Maybe she feels like she has lost you as a good friend because you have a husband now?  Maybe take some time to hang out with just her, go to the movies or dinner or something where you can hang out just the 2 of you and talk.  I dont think it would hurt to let her know how much you value her friendship and that it has felt a little awkward since you have been married.  She might be jealous and doesnt realize how she is acting.  Good luck!

Post # 5
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree, I love this board too and am happy I found it. I will be 22 when I get married and I am also getting a lot of heat, especially from my parents to wait.

Maybe you and your best friend just need some time apart. You go right ahead and enjoy that wedding bliss, and let her enjoy having a boyfriend and focus on that relationship. I do agree with @naangel55 and that she sound jealous but is unaware of she is acting.

Congratulations on your marriage!

Post # 6
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

HI, and welcome to weddingbee!  I’m a young-ish bride as well, and I’m the first of my friends and my immediate family to get married.  I have a sister and a friend in serious relationships, and one that got married a month after me, but the majority of my friends were single, and it was hard making the transition.

I didn’t think my friendships would change that much after marriage (beyond the fact that I was moving away), but really your priorities drastically changed…and I found it more difficult to make lots of quality time for my friends (in particular, I have one friend who likes/needs to keep in touch often and know everything)

I’ve been enjoying blissful married life and almost wanted to disconnect from the world (I still feel that way almost two months later!)

To be honest, i would avoid talking about marrried life, or your emotions regarding it.  She’s likely focusing on marriage in her new relationship because you recently got married, and she is feeling a little out of the loop. because she doesn’t understand what you’re experiencing.  Just share those bubbly, in love, just married feelings with your new hubby. 🙂

Spend girl time together with your friend on occasion, and ask her about her realtionship (don’t talk about yours!), and subtly let her know that your friendship can’t stay the exact same.  It’s hard to relate on differing relationship levels with a really close friend, but you two will eventually find some common ground.  Just be patient!

much love!

Post # 7
340 posts
Helper bee

I am in the same situation as you Newlywed 09, it isn’t super uncommon for people my age to be getting married (I’m 20 too) around here but not really any of my close friends are married. My best friend isn’t in a relationship right now, so that makes it even more weird for me to try to talk to her about wedding stuff, along with the fact that we are both starting new schools at the end of the month so she is also moving like 5 hours away.

Like you said, it’s a good thing girls like us have found this board. It really is a great place to bounce ideas off of people and to just talk about stuff.

Post # 8
25 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

It sounds like a pretty normal thing for you and your friend to be growing apart a little.  She may be a little envious of your new found bliss!  And I know it is hard not to talk about it!  I can hardly stop talking about my wedding and how happy I am!  But, if you could try to tone it down around her, it might help.  Maybe you two can do the movies together or some other girl activity.  It would make her feel like “old times” again.  Eventually she will catch up with you.  Or, it is possible that you will continue going in different directions.  You can definitely come here and talk all you want about how happily married you are!  Congrats!

Post # 9
5151 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I will be 23 when I get married next June, as will my fiance’ (I am 22 now and he turned 23 today!) and I absolutely understand where you are coming from. My best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor is single and although she loves my fiance’ and knows that I am ready to be married, our conversations are often different/not detailed when it comes to my fiance and my relationship. I wouldn’t feel too bad, your priorities change, make her feel included and make it a point to call her atelast once a week, etc (that’s what I do and it makes me feel better and her too I’m sure!)

Welcome to the board!

Post # 10
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Congratulations! I am sorry you have to hear comments when all you want is support but as long as you and your husband have each other just try to put aside other peoples comments, especially the negative ones.

With that in mind, I really don’t think your friend is jealous, just maybe she feels like she is losing you in some way. You also need to take a step back and focus on her from time to time and not bring up wedding, marriage stuff but bring up her life. I am sure you talked about the wedding during the process as she was your Maid/Matron of Honor and had all the duties around that and now continually talking about your marriage might be putting her off. Some people need a break when the wedding is over. But, honestly what I saw in your post and I am not being harsh is that you are getting annoyed by her change in opionon regarding marriage and being excited to be in a relationship and you dont want to hear it. That really is not fair to your friend. She was there for you, now its time to be there for her. I do not think it is because you got married and feels out of the loop, maybe watching you get married and seeing the commitment channeled her priorities and saw how truly wonderful it can be. I understand being a blissfully happy newlywed too that you want to shout for joy, but you need to step back and realize people have things going on their life too that does not involve you.

Also I hate to say it, you are fairly younger than me, so I speak from experience, this is the time your friendships do change. Unfortunately, it does happen alot but going through your middle 20’s or getting married is a transition time and freindships do change. Just take it in stride and Good Luck.

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