(Closed) Is it just me?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
20 posts
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think that is the worst thing anyone can say during a fight. 

My problem with it is that it means the other person does not really understand or respect my feelings, and for me that is never okay. Even if you don’t agree with someone else’s feelings, that does not mean they are not valid. The fact that they are feeling those emotions strongly enough to get upset means that it is important to them. If they are important to you, then so are their feelings. 

From the flip side, though, it is so much easier to reason with people and work things through once they have calmed down from the initial, knee-jerk anger. Instead of telling my SO to calm down during a heated moment, I always try to suggest that we take some time apart to thnk things through (I am talking like an hour tops, here, not days). 

Post # 3
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m like that as well.

When I am angry I don’t like to be told what to do or to change my feelings. It’s seems a bit condescending. I’m allowed to have emotions!! LOL

Post # 4
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

It depends on the context it’s said in.  If it’s said to pacify me, and make it seem like I am mad over nothing, yeah, all it does it get me even more mad! But if it’s said in like a let’s calm down and talk about this, then I try to heed the words and calm down

Post # 5
6273 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s usually said by the person who’s pissing you off, so yup. Does NOTHING to calm me down. 

Post # 6
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

juneberries:  I’ve actually read that’s one of the worst things you can say to someone when they are upset. :o(

Post # 7
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

meglynn:  I totally agree! I feel upset, and I have a right to feel however I feel for a while!

juneberries:  My fiance knows better than to tell me to calm down if I’m really upset now, because it never ends well for either of us– instead, he just brings me a cold glass of water. For some reason, taking a break from ranting or crying or whatever to have a sip of water helps me slow down just enough to calm down, and it feels like I’m doing so on my own terms.

Post # 8
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

OMG, YES. I find it so condescending and infuriating. Nothing makes me LESS calm, lol!

Post # 9
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Calm down IRKS MY SOUL. Also, “why do you have an attitude” when I don’t have an attitude might get you stabbed.

Post # 10
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

My mom has a habit of basically screaming “CALM DOWN” hahahaha. It cracks me up. Then again, I have learned to essentially do the opposite of what she and my father do in terms of communicate.

A much better approach to this would be, “I think our emotions are really high, can we take a break?” or something along those lines. It’s less blame-y.

Post # 11
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Calm down isn’t as bad as “Don’t be mad, but…” before the fight starts.

Post # 12
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I feel the opposite.. When I’m upset I get spicy real quick.. My husband telling me to calm down brings me back to reality just long enough to take a breath, compose my thoughts, and be able to articulate what I need to in a more reasonable way.


Post # 13
302 posts
Helper bee

oh yeah omg same here, “calm down”, “relax” and “stop” 

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