(Closed) Is it just me, or

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

i guess it depends on the situation. my parents gave us some money (not all, and not even the majority!) and i did expect them to… not because of selfish reasons, but because i KNOW my parents and knew they would help.

i think it’s a different story when younger brides who have no money of their own expect their parents to pay for a grand wedding because the bride & groom have no money of their own… but again, i guess it depends on the situation.

not saying there aren’t ungrateful brides out there – but not everyone who expects money from family is selfish.

Post # 4
Hostess
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

No, it’s not just you. I’m not sure if I’d call it annoying. I would more call it disrespectful. Just because some parents pay for their daughters wedding doesn’t mean everyones parents are expected to.

I was told at a young age that my parents weren’t going to pay for my wedding. I didn’t expect them to, but I guess I appreciate knowing as well.

When I did get engaged and started the planning process, I was pleasantly surprised when my mom offered to pay for the dj & some alcohol. Not expected but very much appreciated.

Post # 5
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It depends on a lot of factors, like country, culture, what age they marry, what happened with siblings etc. Without knowing the circumstances, you can’t automatically say it’s wrong.

My grandparents contributed for my parents’, my parents contributed for mine, and I expect to contribute to my childrens’ weddings. It doesn’t seem right to me to have accepted my parents’ money, but be unwilling to contribute for my children.

Post # 8
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

@nikix:  that’s what i meant.

i don’t think i’m annoying and ungrateful because i know my parents and i knew they’d contribute – and i’m paying for most of it myself.

but i think it is annoying that some people expect others to pay for it because they have no money and no other reason.

Post # 9
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

No it’s not just you.

If there are cultural expectations for large, lavish affairs, and parents are driving this kind of planning, then yes, I would say expecting the parents to chip is is understandable.

For the average bride, be she 21 or 35 in the western world, expecting or demanding parents to pay for your wedding strikes me as entitled.  I am fortunate–my mom has insisted on buying my bridal attire from the day we got engaged, but I would have never, ever asked, and to be honest, I will pay for things like my shoes, and perhaps alterations myself (as she has since offered to contribute $3000 for photography). It is very generous of her, especially since she’s never had a wedding of her own, and I am very grateful. But if the time comes when I need the $3000 and somethings happened and she doesn’t have it, that will be ok, and I’ll pay for it myself, no hard feelings at all.

If you are supposedly old enough and mature enough to get married, you are old and mature enough to pay for it yourself.

Post # 10
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It is definitely not just you.  You shouldn’t expect your parents to do anything.  I’m not saying your parents shouldn’t do anything or they won’t do anything, you just shouldn’t expect it.

And if they do cough of some cash for your wedidng then you should be extremely grateful and express your gratitude.

Post # 11
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@nikix:  Yes, the sense of entitlement is what drives me nuts. 

Post # 12
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Since i was young, Ive always been told by my parents that theyd pay if not help pay for my dream wedding.

I sure didnt think that expectation would be annoying to anyone at all

Post # 13
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Yes. Regardless of how many factors there are- you should not expect money. Period.

I dunno, I guess I just think that if you’re old enough to get married then you are old enough to pay your own way, and I think it’s important to live inside your means.

If your parents WANT to pay, then I don’t care. Fiance and I feel like it’s important to pay for our own wedding (i am only 20, but i’ve been living as an adult, away from my parents, since I was 16, so It would feel really weird to take their money). My mum has insisted she buy my dress and I caved on that one, but if I have it my way that will be the only thing we don’t pay for (with the excpetion of tuxes, shoes ect).

Dad was shocked when I said I would pay for our wedding. My older sister insisted he and step mum pay, and then demanded the best of everything (seems to be a pattern, she just asked him to buy her third car. She’s mid twenties and has a child. Come on!), and my brother has decided that since he won’t be getting married, he’d just like the money -.-

Post # 15
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@nikix:  so who exactly is paying for your wedding? In a previous post you said your ‘much older fiance doesn’t let you work’, so I can only assume that you expect him to pay for your wedding entirely? 

 

Post # 16
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I find it horribly disrespectful to expect money. We assumed we were forking out everything for our wedding, and put things in place so that we could. Up until my mum and step dad had us over for dinner a couple of weeks ago, and said that they would pay for the reception and my dress. We were honestly gob-smacked and so grateful for their contribution.

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