Post # 1
So… I’m going to try and make this short. It’s not a big deal, just aggravating and I want to know if it would annoy anyone else!
The other day I was getting addresses together so I could mail out my save the dates… We are limited to about 150 guests as that is about all our venue can hold. Our guest list is at like 165 people so we are having to try and narrow it down or hope not every one comes. Lol. My Fiance has a groomsmen that he is close with almost all of his family. So my fiance wanted to invite his groomsman’s dad, brother, and grandparents. My fiance works a lot so I took it upon myself to message the dad and ask for his address, both of his sons addresses, and his parents address.The dad just got married to a woman neither of us have met and since there are people we would rather have there, I was not going to invite her since space is limited. (is this rude?) He knows that I know their names because I have him added on facebook and speak with him occasionally. He proceeds to answer my message with both of their names above his address, like he expects me to invite her and wants to make sure that I do… then sends me all of the other addresses… and THEN he sends me his daughters address who lives two hours away and has only met my fiance a few times (& its been YEARS) and I have never met her… nor did I ask for her address!!!
I know I am overreacting about this, but I just think it was rude of him to expect me to invite people that I did not ask for their address. Maybe he doesn’t understand that some people have to limit their guest list, but I think it bugs me more because he has always come off as kind of cocky to me.
My family makes up over half of our guest list (I have a HUGE family) and I have already had to eliminate some people that I would have liked to come, but am trying to invite the most important to me and my Fiance.
Sorry if I bored anyone or seem ridiculous… I just needed to get that out of my system. I know I’m being overdramatic about it. Lol.
Does anyone else have any issues similar to this?
Post # 2
Pretty rude to invite the dad but not his wife.
Its not rude to not invite the daughter, though.
Post # 3
If you are inviting the groomsman’s Dad you have to invite his wife as well. I wouldn’t worry about the daughter with whom neither of you is close.
Post # 4
yes, you have to invite both parts of the married couple, but you don’t have to invite grandparents of your friends unless you want to.
it sounds like you should finalize your guest list and agree on everyone invited before sending out Save-The-Date Cards. and make sure the numbers fall into the correct range.
Post # 5
Sending the sister’s address would be mildly annoying to me, but maybe he just figured he’d give you the whole family’s info, rather than going back and forth. If he is recently married, you should recognize his marriage by inviting his partner, since you’re asking him to come recognize yours.
It sounds like the bigger issue is that your invites are over the capacity of your venue, though. That’s a problem for you and your Fiance to solve.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I think you’re out of line not inviting his wife, and I get why he sent you the sister’s address since it sounds like you’re inviting the whole rest of the family (including grandparents?) I would invite all of them, or just the brothers and dad plus his wife. If the sister doesn’t really know your fiance and lives far away, it’s unlikely that she will come.
Post # 7
I think its rude to not invite his wife. I would talk to your Fiance about not inviting the grandparents and making other cuts to your list.
Post # 8
The wife should definitely be included.
I have no idea why he sent the sister’s address. Just don’t invite her. She’d probably be surprised to get an invitation.
Post # 9
It’s incredibly rude to invite only one half of a married couple – if you want the groomsman’s father to come and not be offended, then you need to invite his wife too (regardless of whether you have met her/like her/or whatever).
I can see why the father has also given you his daughter’s address (he may have thought it was an oversight, as you seem to be inviting the rest of the family) but I also don’t think you’re obligated to invite her if your Fiance has no relationship with her.
Post # 10
PP have covered it! You have to invite his wife if you invite him, but you don’t have to invite the daughter.
Just a word of advice though – Don’t send STD’s to 165 people if you can only have 150 show up. That’s just asking for trouble! Don’t bring on that kind of stress if you can help it.
Post # 11
cdl324: “I was not going to invite her since space is limited. (is this rude?)” — Yes, that would be rude. A married couple is invited as a couple. The sister thing, you’re taking offense when you shouldn’t. If you asked about everyone except her, it would seem like maybe that was an oversight and he was trying to be helpful. If you don’t want to invite her, don’t, but there’s no need to get annoyed or aggravated about it.
Post # 12
Its your day and invite who you both want there. I do agree with the pp who said you need to get on the same page with Fiance about the guest list. While there is high probability some guests will not be able to come, only invite the number you can accomodate. If you invite more, expecting some to say no, it won’t happen.
I understand why you wouldn’t want to invite the wife, I wouldn’t either. The dad will know people there, his own family so he isn’t alone. I also don’t think married couple automatically get invited together and this is a perfect example, in my opinion.
Ultimately, talk with your Fiance about it. I would think, since these aren’t people immediately related to your or your Fiance, they could be cut from the guest list seeing that you are over as it it.
Post # 13
Thank you all for your opinions/advice. I will invite the wife as I understand how it could be rude not to.