- 5 years ago
While looking for ways to differentiate between infatuation and love, I found the following post on a website on askville.amazon. It seems like a good explanation of the differences but it seems that in this case, most people start out as infatuation and that infatuation turns into love i the person is right for them. But I was wondering what people can explain from their own experiences?
Also, is INFATUATION the same thing as a CRUSH?
I can only tell you my experience and opinion.
Infatuation comes on stronig–it doesn’t grow into love–it starts out like a forest-fire.
Love–can start out strong, but it can also start small and be enkindled into love.
Infatuation–dominates you, takes you over like a forest fire, it makes you drop friends of long standing, it makes you–make yourself totally available for ‘that’ person. If he/she calls and asks you over right then, even though you are on your way to your very best friend’s house, you will make an excuse to very best friend and go to his/her house. So infatuation doesn’t always bring out the best parts of you.
Love–doesn’t take possess you. It’s a very strong feeling, but you don’t lose yourself in the feeling of it. You can honor yourself while being in love and honor those friends who are close to you. In love, you can be on your way out of the house and he/she calls asking you to immediately come over, and after asserting it wasn’t an emergency, you’d tell your love that you’d already made arrangements to be a very good friends house. And your love would want you to be a person of your word and he/she would respect you for it.
Infatuation–you really feel like you cannot LIVE without that person. But feelings lie and this is one of those times. You love the way YOU feel around this person. If you cannot live without him then that implies there is no choice–it’s a parasitic-relationship. It weakens you.
Love–you can live without that person. Sure you can, but you choose not to do so. You bring a whole human being to the relationship and he/she is happy for you to do so. You are stronger for your choice too.
Infatuation is a pancake. It has only two sides. You feel you love him/her–you feel or desire he/she loves you.
Love is a triangle; it has 3 sides. You feel you love him/her and you feel or desire he/she loves you–AND you know the reality of the situation…you love this person, but you don’t lose sight of reality.
Infatuation is usually based in physical attration–you feel those hormones roaring and you constantly want the other person.
Love also has an ELEMENT of physical attration, but that as you get to know that person you see less of how they look and more of how they are. And they could lose all their hair tomorrow, get disfigured, end up on disability and you would still love that person.
Infatuation is when you intensely feel Love towards another. It’s about how YOU feel. If they don’t love you. YOu feel certain they will change their minds. So it isn’t even a relationship–because they don’t feel the same or at the same level, but you keep acting and ‘feeling’ as if they do. So it’s really more about you.
Love–you feel real love toward someone and how they feel is immensly important. If they did not love you, it would hurt. But you know you will heal [because you know you can live without them]and you want them to be happy. So love is more about THEM and how they feel than infatuation.
Infatuation is in a rush–a hurry—you love them NOW. You want them to love you NOW, prove it NOW, show it NOW. SEX now. Infatuation isn’t a fan of time–they don’t trust it; they won’t want to wait a year to ‘see’ if it lasts.
Love is patient….because it takes into account the feelings of the other–it will wait. If that person needs time or space–Love will wait for a while…Time will prove love; it’s a litmas test. If he/she love you now–they will love you a year from now.
Infatuation cannot stand physical distance. That’s because it is shallow and they don’t trust it. And usually physical distance extinquishes infatuation.
Love can stand physical distance–even in years [ask any happily married soldier] distance enkindles love.
Infatuation sees mostly similarities.
Love sees differences and it’s okay; they respect the differences and make them work for them.
Infatuation feels like a magic-spell; it’s out-there. It’s some huge outside force…you ‘fall in love…’ like you can’t help it. It’s so big you can’t express it well; you can’t measure it.
Love can be measured–in not only words, but more importantly ‘deeds.’ Because talk is cheap and love IS a verb.
Infatuation is not especially ‘giving;’ at least not without strings. Big expensive present and grand gestures make that person feel entitled to your being with them.
Love is grand and giving. Love shares.
Infatuation means you give most of your priorities to that person. You obsess about that person. You almost ‘merge’ with that person. You give up a lot of yourself to mirror this person–
Love means you both welcome each other as whole beings. You don’t want the other one to make you their priority. Togther you are make each of you, individually better.
So that’s what life has taught me about the two…what do you think?
Sources: Life lessons….