(Closed) Is it me?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@Mrsjr:  HELLO! 

First of all, I’m sorry to hear that you are stressing over this.

Second of all, you don’t need a ring to be engaged.  Unless it’s something you feel like you HAVE to have…in which case, I would not start planning a wedding and have an immediate conversation with your SO about this.

Tidbit about ‘not having a ring’ but a date:  SO and I set a date, and I went dress shopping at a flash sale where they had 800.00-1500.00 all on sale from 75.00-200.00$.  SO knew I was going, and I went with some GFs of mine….didn’t find ‘the dress’, but I didn’t let it hold me back that I didn’t have an ‘OFFICIAL’ engagement ring.  Undecided  Because it’s going to happen, so what does it matter??!

I think what is going on here is you don’t feel it’s official because you don’t have a ring and you are afraid of what people will think.  It’s not that big of a deal, not everyone has an engagement ring. 

You said:  “He said once we set the date we weren’t changing no matter what so I do have faith.”

Why not find a venue and tell people?!?! 

Post # 5
423 posts
Helper bee

I’m kind of in the same situation where I need to start learning/researching a little on weddings before I’m engaged. I haven’t told anyone about it yet but I guess the amount of planning/preparation for a wedding can be overwhelming. About how much time do you have until your wedding date? Would it be too short to book venues and such after the proposal?

Post # 6
423 posts
Helper bee

Ah, so it’s a pretty short engagement then! I can see why you’re already planning! That must be difficult to be planning a wedding before an actual proposal and engagement ring.

Yeah, it’s unfortunate that people get the impression that you’re not engaged unless there’s a ring to prove it. At the same time if I were in their shoes, to be honest, I would probably think the same… I know it may not be “right” for me to think that. It’s just harder for me to sense how serious a couple is when they don’t follow norms.

Any idea on when he’s going to propose? Does he have a ring picked out yet?

Post # 7
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Mrsjr:  If you have decided to get married and have set a date, go ahead with your plans. As a recently engaged bee I can tell you- while people think you shouldn’t plan when you aren’t “officially” engaged, they WILL expect you to magically know all your plans two minutes after the ring is on your finger. No joke, in the three weeks I’ve been engaged I’ve been asked at least ONCE A DAY (including an hour after the proposal) what the date of the wedding will be. I have also been asked what my dress looks like (Um… I haven’t looked at dresses yet, obviously), what kind of veil I will wear, where the wedding will be and what my colors are. 

So go for it. Once the ring is on your finger it’s like a freaking ticking time bomb!

Post # 10
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it’s much weirder to plan a wedding before you’re engaged than to be engaged without a ring.

Post # 11
441 posts
Helper bee

His word to you is more important than a piece of jewelry (though god knows I want the piece of jewelry).  If he’s promised a wedding date that will not change, he’s made you a promise.  If others choose not to trust him over a ring that’s their problem.  While I, too, am dying for that ring so I can talk to people other than my family/close friends, I’m not letting it slow me down.  Dress is ordered and we’re deciding where and when.  If anybody gives you crap about not having a ring, tell them you have his word which is as good as a ring.  Engagements can be broken, marriages can end in divorce.  A piece of jewelry isn’t what makes you a solid couple. 

Post # 12
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Hired hall

If he’s said you guys will definitely, no matter what, marry on that date, then I think that gives you the green light for starting to plan. Especially as you don’t want to leave it too late to get stuff booked! However, if you are worried, you can just say to your SO “so I know we’ve set a date, and I am so happy about that, but I was wondering if it’s alright to go ahead with planning yet? Because I don’t want to leave it too late if we are definitely tying the knot that day, but I also don’t want to get ahead of myself!”. I’m sure he’ll give you a straight forward answer! It sounds like he should be officially proposing soon anyway (although I would already count you as engaged) so congrats! 

Post # 14
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Mrsjr:  Dont worry about it. Darling Husband and I decided in Jan that we wanted to move in together (when my lease was up in June) and get married. I knew I wanted a Fall or SPring wedding. I didnt want to wait until Spring, so Fall it was. I started researching and planning in Feb, by March I had found the venue and needed to get the deposit in before it filled up. My BFF was pregnant and feeling more and more uncomfortable, so we did wedding dress shopping in March too. I found my dress which should have taken 3 months, only took 10 days. So I had my dress before he proposed. We even met with and booked the photographer that month.

He finally officially proposed in April. Everyone was skeptical (and honestly, I was holding my breath–90% of me believed it would happen, but 10% was a little scared). 

Keep doing what you are doing and dont worry about everyone else.

Post # 15
1651 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I was in your situation and we turned out fine, no one has to really know! I had already bought the dress, found a location but did not set the date, researched caterers, and had a photographer (she was a friend) and then he proposed within the month. Well, we were long distance and he said he’d propose by X date and there were only two weekends when he could do it. Everything is a blur and I don’t quite remember what order we did everything in (we may have set the date before we got engaged… And that was this year so I am becoming forgetful lol). The only people who need to know about your date at this point are the vendors. And we worked around my fathers crazy schedule.

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