(Closed) Is it me or is my bridesmaid a slight pain in the b*tt?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

She must have perfect hair.  Yeah it is odd that she is avoiding everything.  Next time ask her to name a date. 

Post # 4
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Atalanta:  Actually she did ask her to name a date and Sue named 3 dates.  “I bit my tounge and asked her for a list of dates she could do. She said she could do the 5th, 19th and 26th. I rang the MAC counter and made an appointment for the 19th.”

 

@britpopbabyx:  She sounds a bit flaky to me.  As Atalanta mentioned, she seems to have a lot of hair appointments.  It kind of reminds me of the stories of excuses that ladies have given for not wanting to go on a date without hurting someone’s feelings i.e. “Sorry, I can’t go on tuesday, I’ll be washing my hair”

Post # 5
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dodgercpkl:

no I mean like say one date and a time, so sue makes it definite instead of the other way around.

Post # 6
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Atalanta:  Yeah that could work, but then again, I’d be in the op’s shoes thinking that her giving 3 days she was available meant that she *was* available.  >.<  

Post # 7
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow that is just ridiculous… you are totally right. I hate when people are so flaky! This is probably going to be my story about 2 of my BM’s in a few months lol. I really hope you can get it all figured out though 🙁

Post # 8
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I was thinking the same thing, she must have really awesome hair if she’s always getting it done and it takes all day that she can’t do anytihng before and after. Sounds to me like she’s not really interested in being involved with the wedding, sorry if that hard to hear- doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you, just sounds like she’s a bit selfish. Maybe you should just continue offering her to come with for things and she can choose whether or not she wants to. If its something she needs to know, update her, if not just write it off. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I SOOOOO have to reply to this! I am having the same exact problem with one of my bridesmaids!!!! This might be long, and I appologize in advance 😛

Okay, so I asked one of my good friends of 3 years to be my bridesmaid, and I asked her right after I got engaged. Of course she said yes and that she would love to. At first she was down to go with me places and talk to me about planning, but it’s all different now. I’m getting married in 8 months, and I don’t even talk to her anymore! Reason being, we had gotten into a bad argument because she was late all the time. She wasn’t just 10 minutes late either, but every time we hung out she wouldn’t show up till a half hour to an hour later! So the last time she kept me waiting, which had been 2 hours!!! I gave up. I left and had called and told her that I was upset. And of course, she had an excuse like every other time she was late, and it just sickened me. It’s ridiculous!

But we made up and appologized to each other and decided to squash the whole thing, or so I thought. She never calls me, doesn’t reply to my emails, doesn’t return my calls, and when I call her to make plans, she flakes at the last minute and makes up some excuse. We’ve only hung out once since the fight, and that was 3 months ago. The last two times I’ve tried making plans she used the same exact excuse which was “Oh, my cousin has a baby shower”. Yeah, B.S. Didn’t believe it one bit, not the second time anyway. So that being said, I emailed her asking if she still wants to be a bridesmaid, because I needed to know now. She said of course! and that I could count on her.

Well, I still don’t understand what gives! I can tell she’s still holding a grudge against me and it’s really upsetting. Not to mention her boyfriend is ignorant and seems to be controlling as well. I think that he’s definitely changed her because we used to talk every single day and hang out every single weekend, and that stopped a few months after they got together. Ugh!

But anyway, I definitely relate and I know how it feels. It sucks and I’m truly sorry you have to experience this. 🙁 I wish you the best and hopefully she comes through and gets her act together, it’s not fun at all and definitely hurts.

Best wishes!!!!!!!

Post # 11
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

ya she is being a pain. i read so many stories on here and had some issues with my BMs when i first got into planning that i decided to not include them. it made things a lot easier and i think we are all happier that way. since i am living out of town they cant be involved with too much anyway.  but i decided i want to ask people who care about the little things so i got on the weddingbee wagon and then it turns out my new work friends are always excited to hear about wedding stuff and give opinions, come with me to dress appts. etc.  so i have them as my ” local BMs!”  they arent even coming to the wedding, but i am planning to get them all a gift in Jamaica (there is 3 of them, i figure rum will make them happy).

anyway, in your case, i would just leave Sue alone. do your things you need to do and dont rely on her. do your makeup trial with someone who is reliable. take care of the hotel yourself and just make sure she orders her dress.  

Post # 12
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

basically my motto is that you can’t control your environment or rather the people in it, but you can control your own actions and reactions.  so i see no point in stressing over somethng you cant change.

Post # 13
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

It sounds to me like your Bridesmaid or Best Man is jealous.  No one acts that flakey unless they have some kind of personal beef.  Even if you didn’t actually do anything to make her act this way, it sounds like she just wishes she can have her wedding now and it makes her feel envious that you get to have your big day ahead of her.  

You should just go ahead with your plans and let her know what she’s expected to do and be done with it.  If she doesn’t want to show up to stuff, that’s her problem.  

Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@britpopbabyx: So this is her behaviour?:

– ignoring your texts and conversation

– cancelling dates to appointments by just not showing up or saying she can’t come the day of

– not helping with your wedding.

I think Bridesmaid or Best Man either thinks she is so important that she can do this to you or just has “her nose out of joint” about something; either way, she is CHOOSING her behaviour and therefore is accountable for it.  Sounds like she isn’t going to change her behaviour either, maybe have one of the other BM’s have a chat with her about how her behaviour is affecting THEM, that way it’s not coming from you and the behaviour is dealt with.

Post # 16
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Is there any special reason why you want them to view your venue?

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