(Closed) Is it me or my guests ?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
7551 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

OP out of curiosity, how many photos do you plan to frame and display in yoir home and how often do you anticipate flipping through your photo book?

Post # 47
Member
7551 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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MsJ2theZ:  nah I’d said that NOLA has its own definition of formal because it’s so hit and muggy, and Florida also has its own concept of formal. Even “business casual” in those areas means something different than other places!

Post # 48
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Omg I have been getting the same type of questions. So annoying. I feel Your pain!

Post # 49
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

I’ve gotten similar questions but I’m getting married at a ranch.

That being said, in warmer areas, I would definitely dress more casually and formal is most certainly not a concrete dress code. Even if you google information on formal attire, it’s still incredibly varied.

Also the 90º with no AC story? At horse shows, they excuse riders from wearing jackets because they’re concerned for their health and don’t want anybody fainting. If your guests are dancing and enjoying themselves, regardless of AC in the building, they WILL shed ties/jackets/vests/all excess attire, so don’t expect to have many ‘nice’ photos beyond what they look like when they get in the front door.

The only photos to be relied on for A+ attire are those with you and the groom, and that’s all I personally would be worried about.

Post # 50
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
destinationbride514:  I am a little mindblown by how you managed to invite 100% people without monetary constraints. Was that on purpose (like you didn’t invite anyone who was struggling no matter how close they were to you or do you just have an abnormally fiscally responsible group of friends and family?

 

Snark aside, I read your invitation as ‘formal dinner,’ as in you were letting us know it was at least 4-5 courses of delicious fancy food I probably cannot pronounce all of. It did not click to me you were meaning that your guests need to dress formal.

Post # 51
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - Istanbul, Turkey

Focus on the fun and not the fashion. 🙂 We have people travelling around the globe to be at our wedding in the middle of the hot summer in August in another country…I’m just glad they are showing up at all! 🙂

Post # 52
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

IMO

I think  it’s a lot better for people to clarify what you want instead of showing up in “innapropriate” dress… why would that bother you that they want to follow your rules and are asking you to make sure?

Post # 53
Member
3467 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Smh at this thread, lol. First of all, “formal” is a word that describes the feel of the event, and not the level of attire expected. It is absolutely unclear and the guests are doing the right thing by asking. If I received such an invitation, I’d either double-check with the bride OR wear a cocktail dress and hope for the best. Secondly, NOLA…in late May/Early June? The only thing hotter than that is NOLA in July/August. Lol. I’ve been to a formal events in that city at that time of year and saw everything from Tuxedos to seersucker and I’m talking REAL formal, honest to god Dignitaries in the room, not some funky destination wedding.  Finally, people often request a higher level of attire than they actually want. If all her guests read the “formal” comment to mean black tie and showed up in tuxedos and designer floor length sequined gowns, they’d probably be accused of trying to upstage the bride, smh.

I’m chalking this up to a bad case of bride-brain. We’ve all been there.

Post # 54
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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destinationbride514:  When you said, “I wrote at the bottom of our invitation ‘Formal dinner and dancing to follow,’ I thought maybe that meant a sit down dinner vice stations or what not. It did not indicate to me any type of dresscode.

If you said, “black tie formal,” that’d be very different and instantly indicate the requirements.

I recently had one person ask me what they should wear and I said that men would not be out of place in a suit and tie or jacket. I then said, if in doubt, they should wear their Sunday best.

I will be ticked if someone shows up in jeans but it seems like there’s one at every wedding and every funeral.

Post # 55
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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babeba:  +1 Me too. Thought it was about dinner and not dress.

Post # 56
Member
323 posts
Helper bee

We’re having a destination wedding in Spain in 4 months, I seriously haven’t even given one thought about what guests are wearing, all I’m concerned about is that they’re taking the time to fly over and spend our day with us, I want them to have great food, relax and enjoy our day with us, it’s not all about the photo’s, it’s about the MEMORIES, I assume you invited these people because you care about them, do you want your guests being happy and relaxed in your pics or wishing the day would be over because they’re trussed up in a penguin suit so as to adhere to your dress code? I think you need to relax and let people wear what they want.

Post # 57
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Soon2ElopeBee:  Be a you know what, if that’s what makes you happy, sweetheart! Unfortunate if that’s what makes you feel better about yourself, but whatever makes you happy.

Post # 58
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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MsJ2theZ: Khakis may not be formal where you live, but I’m sad to say, they are as black tie as it gets here in the rural northwest/midwest. Just saying, it is a valid question in many areas of the country. I was shocked and appalled when I moved here, but you get used to the cultural differences. I could count on one hand the number of men (other than groom and groomsmen) who were NOT wearing jeans at the last wedding I attended up here.

OP, like so many others have said, I was on your side 100% until your updates. I trust you’re feeling stressed and defensive as your wedding is so close. Your invites could’ve been more clear, but it’s water under the bridge now. Move forward and answer any questions that arise gracefully.

 

Post # 59
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lubeznik Center for the Arts

I have personally asked brides and grooms about their dress code, if they are wearing a tux, suit, what the bride is wearing, ect. – just to be sure I’m on point. They probably aren’t questioning it so much as just making sure! Breeeeathe.

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