(Closed) IS IT ME?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sorry you are feeling disconnected and unaccepted. You have courage and perseverance to stand by your man and your relationship and know what is right for you. Good for you!

When I first met my Fiance and started dating him, I got a lot of “what is she doing with him” reaction. My Fiance and I are different in a few ways that make it difficult for people to see or understand how similar and close and right for each other we are: we are different ethnicities, different political parties, different academic houses (he is a math prof, I am an English prof). It was difficult at first, but I knew in my gut I was choosing a good man for me and that he was really into me and choosing me, too, so I carried on with confidence. I lost a few friends over it, but as cliche as it sounds, it’s true: those weren’t real friends. My real friends have come around to see beyond surface and social judgments and into who we really are and how much we love each other and they celebrate that with us.

I am not sure if my story helps, and I cannot tell you whether or not to keep or cut this friendship, but I can say: Be strong. Be brave. Be true to yourself.

Post # 4
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I kind of feel ya here. I think once you enter a different stage in your life, it’s harder to remain friends with people who aren’t in that same stage. I have two really close friends, and we’re all in different stages even though we’re the same age. I’m a newly wed, one friend is raising a two year old, and another friend is off at college. We all have different life goals now, and different priorities and responsibilities. Sometimes friend one can’t hang out because she’s caring for her child; friend two is only home on weekends, and I’m busy with setting up a home and taking care of my husband. We all have limited schedules and although I’m sad at times, it may be for the best. I think in a few years (5-10) when we’re all in roughly the same stage (married/children/home) it’ll be much easier, and we’re all trying to keep the friendship alive til then. That may be all you can do :/

Post # 5
3981 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My friendship with my Maid/Matron of Honor is changing already and I’m not even married yet! It may have something to do with the fact that we used to share a dom room and now we live an hour away from eachother but TBH, I hate it. I miss her! I know it soudns stupid but I feel like she has replaced me with another girl who still lives on campus with her. Pathetic but true. I want my Boyfriend or Best Friend back!

Post # 6
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I recently had a “friend” flip out at me. Very jealous of my engagement (as though it was a walk in the park for me to find the man of my dreams. Sheesh!) and very mean. She is no longer my friend. However, I am going through a similar situation as you with another friend of nearly 20 years. We grew apart and she was holding me to the same expectations she had of me before. I have a whole new set of responsibilities now and while I’ll do my best to contact her and maintain the friendship, it won’t be as often as it used to be because now my family comes first. If she can accept that, our friendship can continue. If she can’t, I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta live my life just as I would expect her to live hers.

So, I think you need to dig deep and ask yourself first if this is a friendship worth saving. If so, you need to call her (no email, no texting…call her) and check in with her on your friendship first and foremost. Don’t even bring up the Vow Renewal yet, just see if she can respond to you about the friendship. If she can and you can both work it out, wonderful. If not, them maybe it is best for you to move on. Good luck!


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